Cinema Tonight
by SoraMcMullins
Summary: What if, one rainy day, you ran into the man of everyone's dreams? This is my first attempt at this sort of thing but this story has been rolling around in my mind, asking to be shared. It may get very long, it may stay on the shorter side, it mostly depends on you, but I can say it definitely gets racy. AU, AH. And of course, while the ideas are mine the characters are not.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

**Now**

"Thank you, thank you. Wow. This was wholly unexpected; honestly I never expected to be here on this stage. Arr! I don't have anything prepared. This was a special project and I just feel honored to have had the opportunity to be a part of it. I should start by thanking the writers, director, cast and crew. My lovely co-star Fiona, you made me look a lot better that I probably was. Thanks also to Allison for sticking with me all these years and letting me sleep on your couch. Thanks to my Mum and Dad for always being in my corner and a special thanks to Clary and Eli, I couldn't do this without. Clary, my darling, my best friend, everyday I feel lucky to have found you and each and every day I love you more , you truly are my better half. Eli, pumpkin, it's time for bed! Thank you again! Goodnight!"

_He did it, I can't believe it. Al's going to flip_. I realize my phone is ringing. _I can't believe he did it._ If forced to hazard a guess I'd say it has been ringing since he first said my name, Oh my god, at 2 am there was only one person it would be. "This should be good" I say to myself as I glance at Eli fast asleep on couch next to me.

"Hello" I whisper, as not to wake my sleeping daughter

"Clary? It's Alison were you watching?"

"Hi Al, I'm fine thanks. How are you?" Alison, always in a rush, tends to dispense with pleasantries when she calls me, I refuse to.

"Was I watching,? My husband nominated for an Oscar and me unfit for travel? I wouldn't miss it."

"So you heard?" Notes of stress underpinning her attempt at measured excitement.

"I heard, you sound nervous, what's the problem?" I know what the problem is; the problem is that Jace is married. We weren't ever hiding our relationship but it's safe to say it wasn't public knowledge.

"There's no problem, we knew eventually the story would break, right now it's all over Social Media and the top trending hashtag on Twitter. I just thought we'd be out in front, you know, control the feed a bit more-"

"Control the feed…of course, have you spoken to Jace?"

"Not yet he's presenting next so he managed to avoid the backstage press. Mary's with him to strategize."

"Strategize" I repeat, deflated, suddenly exhausted "He's in good hands with you two, I have no doubt you'll handle this, but it's late and I'm exhausted and frankly, this was never a secret in the first place." I say, crestfallen.

"I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry Clar I never meant to upset you –"

"You didn't upset me, I'm just tired and a bit sad our bubble has popped" I interrupt, cutting her off.

"I know Clar, sleep, you need it. And again, I'm sorry if I've upset you, I'm under strict orders to do no such thing. Fact, Jace would probably hang me out to dry if he knew I called you in the first place. We'll talk tomorrow and hey congratulations! You're married to an Oscar Winning Actor!"

"Thanks Al, and I'm fine, I'm pregnant not dying. Talk to you tomorrow. Goodnight!" I say with enough enthusiasm to avoid further conversation.

I hang up the phone in time to watch Jace present, he's presenting with his co-star who was, well in on the secret, I suppose. This is fortunate because someone else may have tried to go off script and pry into Jace's big reveal. He announces the winner and exits stage left. Damn he looks good in a tux I think, wishing I was there with him, instead of laid up on the couch barely able to see my feet.

"Time for bed pretty girl." I whisper, in an attempt to rouse my sleeping munchkin.

"Did daddy win?" Eli asks, sleepily.

"He did! And he said he loves us and it's time for little pumpkins to go to bed, so off we go" I respond, tickling her tummy just before she slides off the couch padding towards her bedroom.

I tuck Eli in and make my way towards my own bed. It's empty and feels too big, I miss Jace. Just as that thought crosses my mind my phone rings.

"Hello, Mr. Big Oscar Winning Movie Star." I answer giggling.

"Hello, beautiful." He responds, he sounds tired but excited and as happy to hear my voice as I am his. " I wasn't sure you'd still be awake? How are you feeling? Is everything alright?"

"Feeling good and of course I'm awake, you didn't think I'd miss seeing you in a tux did you? Even if it was only on TV."

"I should have known, even if you should be sleeping, what is it 3 am there?"

"Just past 2 actually and just crawling into bed, thinking how big and lonely it is without you." I faux whine

" So you saw? Are you upset?" I feel bad that he's barely had a moment to enjoy this.

"Of course not, I'm so excited for you! This is a huge achievement and you couldn't have been more deserving. I've been saying it since the nominations came out! Just think if you'd listened to me you may have been more prepared and not forgotten to thank your sisters." I tease, trying to lighten the conversation.

"My sisters! Bugger." He says, I can almost hear him bring fist to forehead. "But are you upset I mentioned you?"

"What, how could I be upset?" I offer in mock indignation "If you hadn't thanked me, now that would have been something to get upset about! Besides, it's almost a miracle we've stayed hidden this long, we were never supposed to be a secret forever. Ali must be losing it though"

"She is, she's really worried they'll figure out who you are and show up on our doorstep 'Jace Herondale's wife' is the top searched item on Google at the moment. Everyone is asking for a picture." He sounds nervous and worn out. "I hadn't thought of that, I guess I wasn't thinking." He finishes, his tone apologetic.

"I hadn't thought of that either …" I wonder aloud "but it doesn't matter, it was never really a secret to begin with we'll deal it as it comes but tonight just enjoy yourself. Sweetheart, you just won your first Oscar! How are you not bouncing off the walls?"

"I'm British?" He teases " and I know, I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing, we'll figure it out." I offer "Does Ali really think they'll show up here?" I ask concerned. It's one thing for them to know, but I'm not interested in a sea of paparazzi at my front door, jockeying for pictures of Eli and I.

"I don't know, if they can find it, yes, I'm sure they'll turn up, hoping for a glimpse, but on the other hand that's why we put the house in your name, so I imagine it'll take them longer to find and if you factor in the time change" He trails off " But either way Mary's catching a red-eye few hours and Anna will be on the first-"

"Emma? My sister Emma?" I interrupt.

"She'll be on the first flight out tomorrow. I don't want you and Eli to be alone. I tried to reschedule tomorrows interviews to come home myself, but consensus is I stay and answer Matt Lauer's questions. I don't want you to be alone and my family will be being watched…" He trails off. What else is there to say really.

"I just feel bad, dragging her into this-"

"Dragging! She's happy to come and help."

"If you say so," I say through a yawn, realizing how exhausted I am.

"My darling, you're exhausted, you should get to sleep, I'm keeping you awake."

"You're not keeping me awake, I miss you and I love hearing you're voice. The bed feels to big without you, when are you coming home?" I say again, with a subtle whine.

"I've got Lauer in the morning and taping for Jimmy Fallon in the afternoon, I'll be on a plane right after that, the studio is loaning me the jet so I can leave when as soon as I'm done."

"Mmm, that sounds good, I miss you." I say, fading.

"I miss you too my love, I'll see you soon, sleep well and feel good. You have nothing to worry about. I love you."

"I love you too." I say

"Goodnight, darling."

"Goodnight."

I hang up the phone and as I lay there waiting for sleep I can't help but wonder what this means for our little family. I'm not worried so much as saddened by the loss of our anonymity. Our marriage was never meant to be a secret, somehow it just sort of happened that way. I guess we were lucky and as we value our privacy never saw a reason to broadcast it. In many ways it surprises me that we've gotten away with it this long. In our cozy little neighborhood in London, it's certainly no secret, the neighbors, the shopkeepers, the postman all know us but I guess no one has felt compelled to alert the media, it think they value their privacy as much as we do ours.

It's still hard to believe this is where I've ended up. It seems like yesterday and at the same time a million years ago that I first met Jace Herondale. I'd seen him on screen dozens of times, he was impossible to overlook. A rakishly handsome, reluctant tween heartthrob that I'd never dreamed I would meet, let alone marry.

I'd grown up a typical New England girl, with a big family and a golden retriever. I'd say everything about me was unremarkable; I got decent grades, played soccer in the fall and skied in the winter, and spent all of my free time in the art room. I maintained a decidedly average 3.25 GPA and after high school I planned on attending NYU to study Studio Art and Art History. I had plenty of friends, though no one I really felt the need to keep in touch with post graduation. I spent my summers on Martha's Vineyard making coffee and breakfast burritos in the morning, sleeping on the beach in the afternoon and hanging out with my friends and siblings at night. I was the eldest and with that comes a certain amount or responsibility to set an example and look out for the younger ones, and without consciously deciding to I took that role seriously, always there for them and always standing up for them. I did what was expected of me and never questioned that if I stayed the course charted for me everything would happen as it should. Education, career, marriage, family, and so on. Armed with these idealistic assumptions I set off for NYU where I hoped continued on this path to mediocrity but have a little fun on the way. I studied, partied, had boyfriends, made friends and joined a sorority.

While I've never given much thought about what I look like I know I am beautiful. People's reactions to me illustrate this. Friends and family told me I was beautiful and my grandmother in particular took great pride in what a beautiful family we are but still I never paid any attention to it. I was admittedly a bit bookish and introverted in high school and while I did date here and there and even had one serious boyfriend, I was never one of those beautiful, popular people they make teen soap operas about.

In college it became harder to ignore these assets or perhaps I decided to embrace it. My friends and I joined a sorority sophomore year and with them we became a presence on campus, it was thrilling. People knew who we were and wanted in, parties would start when we arrived and I never had to buy a drink. For the next year and a half it was a whirlwind of classes and social commitments and I loved it. It was the first time in my life that I felt a part of something that wanted me to play a part. But eventually the reality of playing this roll catches up to you. I didn't even realize I was playing a role until it was almost too late. People responded to and interacted with me in a way that suggested they had no idea who I really was. I had become caricature of myself, complete with expectations that I couldn't and more importantly didn't want to live up to. When did this image of me that was so out of step with my own self-image emerge?

By the spring of my junior year I had a reputation, which had no basis in fact, that I simply couldn't abide. This uncomfortable realization, so harshly brought to my attention after a drink to many with a fraternity friend, put me at odds with nearly everyone in my circle. I spent the summer before my senior year trying to figure out who I am or who I wanted to be. In September, I dove back into college with a renewed focus on my academics and putting some distance between myself and my so-called friends. I focused on the present and hoping for a more pleasant future and when something threatened this focus and I began to struggle I withdrew, avoiding confrontation at all costs.

I met a new guy, unlike any I'd dated previous. I liked him, he was safe and upon graduating moved in with him. I was back on course, back to vanilla and I'd like to say I didn't mind, but I was bored and it was boring, because the problem with degrees in Art is they don't qualify you to do anything in particular. In the months following graduation I spent time settling into domesticity and applying for every job from mail carrier to marketing assistant and ended up a barista at the café on the corner. And all the while tuning in every week to watch my future husband on TV…

**2005**

We met completely by chance, on an unseasonably warm spring day in late March. Jace was filming a new movie in Boston and there was a lot of buzz about the idea that this movie was his first step to breaking the bonds of teen-idolhood. It was a gorgeous day so instead of sitting inside I decided to pack up my research and head to a park not far from my apartment for the afternoon to do some work. As it turned out the movie was filming in the park and the set was mobbed with screaming tweens. I manage to find a relatively quiet spot away from the activity of the movie set and get an hour or two of studying done before the clouds roll in and it starts to look like rain. I pack up and head out noticing that the movie set is clearly packing up for the day, but the crowds are as thick and ravenous as ever hoping to catch a glimpse of the illusive star on his way out. I giggle to myself as I shuffle past them, quickening my steps in hopes of beating the rain home.

In that moment I kind of felt bad for the guy, I'd never given much thought to celebrity culture. I'd crossed paths with famous people and generally speaking I was unimpressed. They were either very nice and normal, very suspicious of everything and everyone around them or very interested in you knowing who they are. I was not an easy mark, I didn't care who any of them were, sure maybe if Bono had crossed my path I'd have asked for an auto graph but otherwise I was perfectly content to treat them like a regular Joe and let them live their lives. Jace Herondale, however, was a constant presence in the grocery checkout line. Linked to this actress and that co-star, cheating on one with the other, it all seemed so sad and desperate. It seemed his entire existence was available for public consumption and ripe for tabloid fodder. I remembered reading a Vanity Fair article about him, describing his upbringing, his views on fame and America's obsession with fame, and he seemed genuinely disinterested and disheartened by all of the attention he was getting. He felt he was just doing his job, you wouldn't ask a plumber about their personal life so why ask him? It struck me how candidly he spoke about his lack of privacy and how he really wanted to be left alone to work. Where most actors would be heavily coached not to alienate the fans, your fame is your fans, he felt that fame and celebrity were the unfortunate side effects of the job of actor. That interview read in direct contrast to what the tabloids would make Jace Herondale out to be.

His big break was playing Irish exchange student Keiran Mulcahy, on one of those ridiculous tween soaps that no one admits to watching, but everyone does. At the time Jace was 5 years older than his character and looking to break into the US market. He wasn't quite prepared for what that would actually look like. He had grown up just outside of London the youngest of four. His father, a grocer and mother a grade school teacher, a normal, down to earth, comfortable life. He got into acting in secondary school much to his mother's dismay decided to put off university for a year to see if he could make it as an actor. After getting jobs in a few commercials in the UK and managed a guest spot on an iTV period drama about British school children during WWII. The role was never meant to recur but he so endeared himself to the cast, crew and viewers that producers offered to have him back again and again. He spent 3 years on the show and acted in a handful of small, low-budget films before getting a small role in an romantic comedy about American teenage girls abroad and year later they brought him back for the sequel and shortly after that he landed on the CW. The character of Keiran was written as a bit of a punch-line and never really meant to be a series regular, but just like iTV, the CW recognized his talent and offered him series regular for the second season, they gave him better story lines and within no time he was a fan favorite. A couple of years later he was fielding offers to star in every rom-com on the production schedule and the rest, as they say, is history.

I arrive home as the skies turn the color of wet cement, casting a greenish twilight on the world below, you could smell the rain in the air. I dashed up the stairs to my cozy second floor apartment and scooped up Beatrice, my scrappy little rescue mutt, for a quick walk before the deluge. We round the corner on the main drag and are confronted with a wall of shrieking teenage girls. It seems Jace is taking shelter in the corner café. Instinctively I choke up on Bea's leash and decide to navigate around the back of the building and avoid the hoards. Bea leads the way down the alley towards the back of the building as I pull out my phone to text my little sister Emma. The café's delivery door swings open, stopping just short of Bea's nose, she stops dead in her tracks and looks back at me as if to ask "what the..?" But all I see is Jace Herondale emerging looking scared and confused, unsure of which way to run. Before I have a chance to pull her back Bea jumps up to say hello, I start apologizing profusely, just as the rain begins.

"It's fine," Jace says struggling to be polite and with awkward urgency, while patting Bea's head looking lost, "make it up to me a by getting me outta here?" He sounds genuinely desperate to get off the street.

"I'm sorry, what?" I'm caught completely off guard by his request. Mind you Bea is still on her hind legs front paws on his thigh, licking his finger tips. He seems unfazed by this in fact he's sort of smiling at her, and he needs help. I look into his face trying to think of where to take him, I hear thunder rolling in. "Where do you want to go?"

"Anywhere that's not here. Please, these-this whole situation is just out of control." His eyes pleading with me.

"Um, hold these" I say as I hand him my umbrella and Bea's leash. The rains picking up as I start to take off my rain jacket, improvising.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

_What am I doing I ask myself. My mind is going a mile a minute, a small voice asking some very good questions. Am I really going to camouflage this perfect stranger and sneak him back to, where? My apartment? This is crazy! But it'll make a great story…_I argue silently. "Put this on and follow me." I order. I'm almost as tall as he is so fortunately my L.L. Bean windbreaker doesn't look entirely ridiculous on him. Just as I'm about start explaining the exit strategy, hoping it comes to me as a talk, there's a huge crack of thunder and it begins to pour. The girls around front squeal as the rain comes down like a faucet. I grab the umbrella, hoist Bea up into Jace's arms and grab his arm shouting "Follow me."

We snake around the far side of the building and walk right through the dispersing fans, they don't even notice him. We're a block past the café and I lead us towards the only place I can think of, my place.

As we climb the steps I realize my keys are in my jacket pocket. "Sorry, I just-" I say as I turn to face him.

No, I'm sorry" he interrupts "I should go," He looks around nervously; he still has no real idea where he is. But away from the energy of the frenzied crowd he looks far more relaxed. He's about to say something when it's my turn to interrupt.

"-just need my keys. Left hand pocket if you don't mind." He awkwardly shifts Bea and reaches into the pocket of my jacket and I can't quite read the look on his face he's about to say something but I can't tell what it's going to be. Surely he's about politely excuse himself, which is the most appropriate thing to do. But he's still wearing my coat and holding my dog. I see something cross his face; he's as perplexed as I am in this situation. And perhaps, also like me, he's not quite ready to part ways.

"I'm sorry," he says again as he hands over my keys, "you must think I'm a madman, the name's Jace by the way"

"Clary," I say, like I don't know who you are, "and who am I to think your mad when I'm the girl rescuing strange men from hoards teenage girls? That's Beatrice by the way and if I were you I'd put her down, she doesn't like being carried on stairs." I finish with a smile.

"Beatrice?" He pronounces each syllable as I had, "Dante, then, not Shakespeare?"

"Very good," I say, surprised, "Most people don;t pick up on that and make a Benedick comment. I fell in love with Dante during a semester abroad in Florence." I smile.

"I felt awoken in my heart a loving spirit that was sleeping." Jace quotes.

"And then I saw Love coming from far away so glad I could just recognize." I finish "La Vita Nuova, very good." I feel a blush bloom in my cheeks and turn to unlock the front door.

"Well, Beatrice, it's been very nice stealing your body heat." He says to her in an unmistakable puppy voice as he plants her on the stoop. She licks his cheek.

As I unlock my door, I realize just how odd the circumstance I've found myself in is on so many levels. Here I am a single, broke, grad-student, living alone in a tiny apartment, letting a complete stranger into my home. _But he's not a stranger is he, he's Jace Herondale, he quotes Dante, everyone knows him._ But knows one knows he's here.

I head straight for my bathroom to grab 2 fresh towels, we're both soaked to the bone I toss him one and wring my hair out with the other. Bea wanders my way and just plops down in front of me waiting to be freed of her leash and harness. She's soaked too; I turn to grab an extra towel and turn back to see Jace on his knees drying her off.

I watch for a moment, mindful of Bea's usual reluctance towards strange men. But apparently I needn't worry, she approves of Jace. I laugh a little and they both look up at me, drying has turned into a game of peek-a-boo and Bea's face lets me know I am interrupting fun time with a new friend. "Fine then, I am going to change." I tell her and make my way to the bedroom closing, and locking, the door behind me. The spring rain has chilled me to the bone and without putting much thought into it I don a fresh pair of jeans and a flannel shirt. I paw through the laundry basket of clean clothes my brother forgot last week after coming over to do laundry (my parents help with the rent if I let my sisters and brother do laundry as needed). I manage jeans and an old Red Sox t-shirts that I'm pretty sure will fit Jace. I open the door to discover he has fallen right into Bea's trap and peek-a-boo has degraded into towel tug of war, Jace is letting Bea win and by the looks of it having a great time doing it. I stand in the doorway for a moment and am struck by how normal this feels like there's nothing awkward about this. I started to giggle and catch Jace's attention, I've broken the spell, he realizes where he is and attempts to scramble up from the floor. I laugh again.

"Don't let me stop you, she's loving it, she'll do this all day if you let her." Bea demonstrates by continuing to tug at the towel. "Here, my brother left these a few weeks ago, they're not perfect but they are clean and dry." I finish as I toss him the clothes.

"Um thanks." He says "But, maybe I should go."

"Out in that? That my friend is a serious downpour." I argue playfully pointing at the window which looks like someone is spraying it down with a hose. "It's up to you but you're welcome to hang out until the storm passes." Really Clary, I think to myself, now we're inviting strange men to ride out storms with us?

"I wouldn't want to impose and I'm sure you have better things to do with your time."

"It's totally your call. I've got no plans other than homework, which I'm very good at putting off. Really it's no imposition."

"This day has not gone as planned and I'm just exhausted, I can barely think straight. Are you sure? I never meant to impose-"

"Seriously, no imposition, feel free to change in the bedroom, I'm going to make some tea, interested? Nothing special, just good old Earl Grey."

"That's sounds great, thanks again Clary." And he disappears into my bedroom Bea, close at his heels.

I fill the kettle and move it to the stove. Turn the dial nothing but the pungent smell of natural gas. This is odd. I turn off the hob and crack a window while I investigate. The power is out. It's rare we lose power in a storm but not unheard of, I'm not sure how I hadn't realized it sooner. It's pushing 4 in the afternoon so while there's a chance they'll have to power back by bedtime it is safe to say we'll be dark until tomorrow. A quick call on my cell phone to NStar confirms my suspicion. I locate matches and light the stove the old fashioned way. Jace should be changed by now, but the door hasn't reopened. I pad back toward the main room taking care to tread loudly past my bedroom. Just as I pass the door opens.

"Powers out." I inform him

"So no use in asking if you'll let me charge my phone, then?" he asks staring intently at his useless iPhone.

"Sadly, nothing to provide a charge." I reply "But you're welcome to use my phone if you need to make a call." I offer

"So here's thing," he starts, conspiratorially, " I should call and let my manager and publicist know I'm not kidnapped and tied to a radiator somewhere. But I feel like I've just been given a reprieve, fallen off the grid and I'm kind of enjoying it. I can't be sure, but I think I'm more relaxed than I've been in ages, but you're not allowed to tell anybody that. I'm told I love the fans and the fame-" he trails off as he sinks into the couch pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I've never heard someone liken notoriety to death row, but as long as you're looking to lay low you're welcome to hang here. Bea seems to agree." I respond as Bea snuggles into Jace's side.

"It's not that it's like death row " he responds defensively "it's just…limiting" he says, democratically after a brief pause. He goes on to tell me everything I'd wondered and never wanted to know about fame. In a brave moment, explained only because of how comfortable I felt talking to him; I call him on his reputation, his penchant for bedding his ingénue co-stars and allegations of cheating. He deflects at first.

"A gentleman never kisses and tells." He says coyly.

"So there is something to tell..." I tease.

"There's actually not, suffice to say photographers truly have a gift for designing a story with the singular goal of ensuring their photos sell for top dollar." he explains with thinly veiled bitterness. "My poor mother, at points she's feared she'd raised some sort of depraved sex-addict." he concludes with an edge of sadness.

"I'm sorry, I never meant to pry. I just..." I trail off uncertain of what to say.

"It's fine. Really. It's just painfully frustrating at points. What's funny about it is these pictures are little more than a coworker and I grabbing a drink after work. In any other profession it wouldn't be scandalous or even news worthy. But it does make having any kind of relationship, personal or otherwise quite difficult. It's hard to trust other people's motives and even if I did trust them I find it difficult to bring people I could potentially care about into that. It only leads to heartbreak, trust me, I know."

"I'm sorry." I feebly offer again. "I wasn't trying to pass judgment."

"I didn't think you were. It's just the price of fame and when I was younger I'm not sure I truly realized what a hefty price it is. I said my mother fears for my immortal soul, but she also knows she and dad raised my siblings and I right. Consequently, I lead a very solitary life mostly because I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to get hurt." He explained.

"Well," I start, unsure of how to respond. "That seems…lonely and a bit sad if I'm being totally honest" I say after a brief pause. It's clear that he's either a gifted actor or just not at all what 'Life & Style' makes him out to be. The question is which is it. "Don't you miss having that connection with people? Or more appropriately perhaps, exploring that connection?" I ask before I have a chance to realize that may sound presumptuous.

"It can be lonely however I suppose that most of the time I'm too busy to notice. And I have a fantastic group of friends, many of whom have known me long before fame and a few people I've bonded with who are also 'in the business'" He says, gesturing air quotes. "They know the real me and call me on my bullshit, they're good people. But I guess I see what you mean." He says with a smile.

We continue to talk for hours. Conversation flow easily like old friends and eventually the sky grows dark and we light a few candles and keep talking. He asks about my "studies" and how I chose Boston. I laugh at his British-ness and tell him about my love of art. We debate Picasso and Dali, Kiki Smith and Shepard Faery. Before long the overhead light turns on and I worry that the spell is broken.

"Let there be light" he jokes as I lean over to blow out the candle. He leans back into the couch and looks to be deep in thought for a moment, "I just realized I'm famished. Can I interest you in a late dinner?" He asks

"Food sounds amazing right now." I agree "But I doubt anything's open, we may be at the mercy of my kitchen." I add, mentally thanking the powers that be that I have all of the ingredients for risotto.

"Foraging it is then." He says as he stands up, gesturing towards the kitchen. "Lead the way."

We make our way to the kitchen and I start to assemble the necessary ingredients.

"So you're just going to throw together a quick risotto." Jace asks in disbelief.

"Absolutly! It's the easiest thing in the world, pay attention. I think you're about to learn something." I kid. "Any allergies or dislikes I should know about?" I inquire.

"Not a fan of SPAM," he tells me, observing a can of SPAM on my counter top "but, past that, I'll try anything once."

I giggle and explain, "That's an inside joke with an old friend and not at all fit for human consumption if you ask me."

I grab the appropriate pans and start prepping ingredients, Jack offers to help, so I task him with dicing onions and washing baby spinach. A moment later I realize he may not be as great a cook as he is an actor. He is slowly and precisely cutting the onions to a near perfect dice, one disc at a time.

"Mind if I make a suggestion?" I ask, I've found people can be defensive about their cooking skills or lack thereof.

He smiles at me, mischievously as though he's been found out. "Please." He says offering me the knife. I carefully take it and show him how I cut onions.

"Brilliant." He says sounding a bit surprised.

"Don't sound so surprised, cooking is no joke, my friend." I say with mock seriousness. Just when starts to look nervous that he's offended me I crack a grin. "It doesn't need to be perfect, just uniform." I add with a smile, passing the knife back.

"Thanks for the tip. Where did you learn to cook?" Jace asks. It's a harmless question but it catches me off guard. I hesitate for a moment and he notices. "I'm sorry I never meant to intrude."

"No it's fine," I cut him off, "My ex actually, it's probably the best thing to come out of that relationship." I say, with a bit of an edge.

"So safe to say it ended poorly?" He says, taken aback.

"Well it did and it didn't, I don't know. We were together for a long time but we started as friends and probably should have stayed that way. We were never really right for each other and even though I knew that on some level, I let it go on far longer than I should have." I explain. "In the end he never really saw the end coming and for that I felt awful."

"One rarely does, it requires too much self analysis. How long ago was that?"

"It was almost 2 years ago, he started talking marriage and I knew I had to break it off before we got there. It was all around a bad situation, we'd been together for 4 years at that point, 3 of them good and the last one we were more like roommates who shared a bed. I don't know if the passion died, or if it was never really there to begin with, I suspect the latter. I'm sorry, I'm rambling and I'm sure you have very little interest in my dating exploits." I said, focusing on mixing chicken stock and measuring rice.

"No, it's fine, how did you get together in the first place, if there was no real passion?" Jace asks.

"I think in a lot of ways he was exactly what I needed at that time. I'd gone through a rough patch senior year of college and he was there and safe…" I trailed off.

"Sorry, I was not trying to pry." Jace offers, sensing my tension.

"No, it's fine, really, I'm just not used to talking about it. So what about you, what's you awful ex story?" I ask as I pour olive oil in the pan.

"Oh well, those stories could take all night." He hedged, motioning to the onions. "Are you ready for these?" He asked

"Almost." I answered, swirling the olive oil. "C'mon, I told you mine, its only fair." I chide.

"The thing is, I'm not supposed to talk about these things with people I don't know."

"Understandable. But c'mon, I just taught you how to cut an onion, I'm hardly a stranger." I pause, as soon as that's out of my mouth I realize how it must sound.

"You, realize that's exactly what a gossip blogger would say you know?" Jace counters before I have a chance to correct myself.

"I really was only kidding , you certainly don't have to if you don't feel comfortable, if it makes you feel any better I'm not all that interested in the celebrity gossip machine. I have no intention of selling a story to Life & Style." I say as I pass him a bottle of white. "Open this? Corkscrew's in the drawer to the left of the sink." I direct, as I add the onions and rice to the pan and offering him a way out of that conversation.

"In any event my personal life has appeared on the pages of every magazine there is and has been splashed about on hundreds, if not thousands of websites." he says moving towards the corkscrew. "Being young in Hollywood is a dangerous proposition and not conducive to being in a relationship. The fact is most of the relationships I've had in the last 2-3 years have been carefully orchestrated by publicists to cultivate an image and or sell tickets. I haven't had a real, meaningful relationship in at least 3 years, probably 4." He offers, the pop of the cork punctuating his response.

"Was that with someone famous?" I ask as he passes me the wine.

"It was, with a costar actually, I'm sure I needn't name names. Typical onscreen relationship, that continued off-screen. Chemistry on screen translates to chemistry off seemed like a good idea at the time, another person in the business who'd know what it's like..." He said, bitterly.

"But, not so much?" I say, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't pry, especially after you asked me not to." I say in surrender.

He shrugs, "suffice to say, we were after very different things from our 'relationship'. If I'm being honest, that's the one that scarred me the most." He said thoughtfully, "I expected a fellow actor to know what its was like and understand my desire for privacy. And to a degree she did but she also loved to limelight. Where I wanted to avoid the tabloids she, at points, sought them out and tipped them off. And we can't forget that there is always a new crew and co-star to find new chemistry with. I'd say that has left a most lasting impression. I don't expect people to be perfect or have a flawless record, that's what makes us interesting and human. We have transformative experiences and its the sum of those experiences that make us who we are. Media seeks to use them against us, publish stories to sell magazines without a single thought as to whether that deeply personal experience should be shared. Anyhow what are we doing with that wine?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"Ahh, so the key to risotto is to cook it gently and slowly." I instruct as I pour wine over the contents of the pan. "So we allow the rice to slowly absorb every addition of liquid before adding more…"

We continued to chat about nothing in particular as we finish cooking. I plate, Jace pours wine and we make our way back to the living room to catch some news while we feast. The top news item is the storm, followed by the fact that it rained out shooting of Jace's new movie and I can't help but laugh. He playfully elbows me in the ribs and laughs too.

"That reminds me I should plug in my cell, do you mind?" He asks.

I point to the table by the door "My iPhone charger is plugged in behind that table, feel free." 10 minutes after he plugs it in it comes to life with a variety of alerts.

"Those will be Allison." He says as he picks up the phone glancing through messages before dialing.

At the mention of a woman's name I am unexpectedly taken aback and I can feel my face fall a bit. I'm not sure what I was expecting, nothing really, it's just caught me off guard and I can't help but listen to his end of their conversation.

"Hi Al…yeah, I'm sorry, I err, ran into an old friend, we're just catching up…" He glances over to me shrugging his shoulders, "No I'm sorry I've worried you, the power's only just come back on and you know as well as anyone I never charge my phone when I should…Yes…well no, I hadn't thought of that…well, I'd tend to doubt that's happening. Yes…Yes, I'll call you from the cab…that's fine, see you soon. Bye."

Jace turns back to me, "sorry, Allison's my publicist, she's angry I've missed my afternoon engagements." He says as he sits back down and takes another bit of food. "This is fantastic by the way." He compliments.

"I'm glad you like it, and I'm sorry if I've kept you…" Although I haven't kept him I'm unsure of what else there is to say.

"Nonsense, you haven't kept me, I've been hiding out and this has been a lot of fun, really Clary, I can't thank you enough, but unfortunately, I must go soon, I'm supposed to be in New York for the Today show tomorrow morning, and apparently I've already missed one flight and the meeting with the stylist."

"Uhoh, not the stylist." I kid, dramtically

"You think its funny, but I haven't been allowed to dress myself for ages." He says, laughing.

He's clearly in no rush to go and at the same time knows he must, we sit eating for another 10 minutes before we both finish. I get up to clear the dishes and he follows me into the kitchen carrying the wine glasses. He thanks me again for all of my hospitality and good company.

"I've really enjoyed myself this afternoon, it was great to just relax and chat." He says almost as if to himself. "Easy, I have felt this normal in ages."

"Not a problem," I say for the umpteenth time this afternoon, "it was fun just hanging out, you're welcome any time." I respond knowing full well just how unlikely he is to take me up on that offer.

"We should keep in touch," Jace says, "it's just, this has been really nice, a welcome break from the chaos. I sort of feel like I've known you for a long time, I think we could be good…friends." He says awkwardly after a brief pause.

I know exactly what he means, but I'm not sure how to respond. "Sure, I know exactly what you mean." I say, taking his iPhone from his hand and adding my contact info. "don't be a stranger." I say lightly, smiling as I hand back his phone. As he steps into the bathroom to change back into his semi-damp clothes.

He offers to help with the dishes, but I tell him not to be ridiculous, we both know he needs to be on his way. He calls a cab and dries dishes until we hear the cabbie honk the horn. Neither of us is sure how to say goodbye, there's an awkward pause and I decide he's a friend, I always hug my friends goodbye. I lean in and it's not awkward at all, in fact it's sort of a perfect fit, he gives me a squeeze and I tell again him not to be a stranger. As he walks out my door I wonder if he's also walking out of my life.

I hope not.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

Now

I am woken from a great dream that I don't want to let go of, salty air and sandy toes. I lay there, quietly willing myself back to sleep, only to realize it's not quiet. I roll onto my back to find a tennis ball in my hand; Bea waiting patiently at the end of the bed and Eli snuggled under the covers on Jace's side, watching television. A quick glance at the clock on the nightstand tells me I've slept far later than I usually do.

"Morning Munchkin." I say through a yawn.

"Morning Mommy, you slept a lot." She responds.

"I know I did, why didn't you wake me?" I ask.

"Daddy, told me not to, he said you and baby need your rest so I should snuggle in and wait for Auntie Emma to come over." Eli informed me.

"When did you talk to Daddy?" I ask, for a moment excited by the possibility that he's bagged the interviews and come home early only to realize that even of he had, he still wouldn't be home. Which only leaves one option.

"I called him to say good morning." She says with a smile as if on cue.

I cringe slightly imagining what time that was in California, _poor Jace, _I think_ he probably saw that phone call and nearly had a heart attack_. "And how was Daddy?" I ask.

"He said he's tired and he misses us but he be home by the time I wake up tomorrow!" she answered, excited. "And he said to be good and listen to you and Auntie Emma."

"Very good, did you tell him we miss him too?" I ask as I roll onto my side towards Eli, tickling her tummy.

"Yeees" she squeals through giggles.

"Any sign of Aunt Emma yet?" _It's still too early_ I think, answering my own question.

"Nooo" she says still giggling.

"Breakfast?" I offer.

"Yesss!" Eli says springing out of bed "Can we have panks?" She asks, meaning pancakes.

"Mmmm, that's sounds like a wonderful idea!" I say mustering enthusiasm as I roll over to get out of bed, a small task that seems to get harder by the day.

Shortly, we've made our way to the kitchen and I help Eli into a tall chair at the breakfast bar. I put the kettle on for tea and get busy assembling the mixings for pancakes. Eli helps as well as any 3 year old can, making suggestions for what to put in them, requesting a variety of shapes and soon we are feasting on heart shaped banana-blueberry ricotta pancakes. We finish, clear the table and clean up the kitchen. I'm starting to think about going to the playground down the street when it suddenly hits me that perhaps, that's not a good idea.

I flip on the television to see what's happening with the world. The Oscar's aren't the lead story but they're close. As they cut to commercial they tease "Coming up next, as British heartthrob Jace Herondale enjoys his Oscar victory the world is hungry for details about his big reveal. Our own Maureen Brown gives us her thoughts." _Hmm I didn't know she thought this should be interesting_. I grab my phone and check the time, wondering if it's too early to call Jace or Allison. _If London is 7 hours ahead of LA and it's 11_, I think, _too early_. It occurs to me that no one else will actually be here before dinnertime and I need a second opinion on taking Eli to the park alone. I decide to call my mother-in-law. We haven't spoken since yesterday morning and I can't help but wonder if she's a prisoner in her own home. The phone rings, one, two, three, four times before she answers.

"Hello? Clary? Are you ok?" She sounds tense and I immediately feel bad for bothering her.

"Of course Celine, everything is fine, I wanted to call and see how you and Stephen are doing with all this...excitement." I answer trying to sound calm and unaffected. "After everything last night E and I just went to bed. How are you?"

"Well that's certainly one way to put it. It is quite exciting but I must say I'm glad you called my cell because the landline has been unplug for hours." She says, laughing musically into the phone.

"Oh, Celine." She is a prisoner in her own home and I feel awful.

"Oh, no no, nothing for you to worry about dear, I just got tired of answering."

"You answered?" I ask in disbelief.

"Of course, and each one asked if I knew about Jace's mystery wife. It was really the most ridiculous thing." Laughing again.

"And what did you say?"

"That Jace has no such thing, of course, that you are no more a mystery than why the sun rises in the east. And if they weren't paying attention enough to notice perhaps they should consider a new line of work, maybe something that actually contributes to society."

"You didn't!" I say, I'm not shocked, per say, but I am unable to form a mental picture of Celine Herondale telling off a paparazzo. "But you are right, this all just seems ridiculous. We were never keeping a secret, the world just never caught on. I never spent time worrying about it and now..." I pause, unsure of what to say, "I guess I didn't think it would change anything. Is it absolute insanity? I was hoping you'd be able to avoid all of that nonsense. " I ask, afraid of the answer.

"My dear," she's says gently, "you needn't worry about us, we've been doing this for a while now. I do worry about you though, in your condition, god knows I love my son but what was he thinking?" As always Celine spoke quickly, editorializing with her own thoughts aloud. "And I don't mean things changing, that doesn't worry me, Clary, because they'll only change if you let them. You're the same person Jace is the same person. It just means that now a few more people will get to know how wonderful your family and life together is." She continued, "in the beginning Jace always wanted to spare you the headache and the heartache, but when you agreed to marry him you both finally realized you were stronger than this individually and together. And it's as you said, your love was never meant to be a secret and it shouldn't have been because its beautiful and you've created a beautiful life together."

Celine was a wonderful woman with a whip smart sense of humor and who always maintained a healthy perspective. She and I have become close since I landed here, almost by accident. People loved her and it's easy to see why. She's a wonderfully nurturing and calming presence in our lives. On days like today I wish I could just pack Eli up and drive up to they're house.

"Logically, I know what you're saying is absolutely true. But as a mother I worry about what this renewed interest in Jace's personal life means. You hear awful stories of paparazzi causing arguments and accidents, fights even." I hear stress in the tone of my voice and feel my temperature rise. _Rein it in Fray_. I think.

"Clary, I need you to calm down, I understand your concern but I want you to know that we are all in this together, we are here to help and I don't want you to worry yourself sick, especially right now with the baby."

"I know," I say, taking a deep breath, "I know you right. But I wonder, somehow if we had been known from the beginning it wouldn't have changed a thing. But I can't help but wonder if the fact that it will be seen as a secret is going to make it worse."

Then

It's been almost 4 months since that fateful day in the rain, but surprisingly we've talked nearly every day. When he left I never thought I'd see or hear from him again, imagine my surprise when he texted me a picture of the room service breakfast menu the next day from his hotel in New York. "Spam and eggs? Do you think people actually order this at the Waldorf?" From then on all summer we kept in touch. We quickly found out we had the same sense of humor and it was not uncommon for the two of us to text silly or ridiculous things back and forth a dozen times a day and even spend an hour a day on the phone. We've been in near constant contact and strangely he's become one of my closest friends. While I've been simmering away in one of Boston's hottest ever recorded summers, Jace has been on location in Scotland filming a biopic about Tony Blair. A role that has brought him back to the UK and closer to his family which he has enjoyed immensely. In the course of the summer I learned a lot about him and his family, to the point where I feel like I know them personally. And he wanted to know more about me. He was interested in my family and what I was studying and what I was hoping to do in the future. We became incredibly comfortable with one another and I've shared things with Jace that I've really never shared with other friends. We were comfortable enough to share those funny, embarrassing and difficult stories with each other and follow them up with texts of funny pictures; Jace and his co-stars goofing around on set and ridiculous cartoons of professors doodled in the margins of my notebook. Friends teased me about who the mystery man was on the other end of my phone and when they were going to meet my new boyfriend. I couldn't help but laugh, Jace was not my boyfriend; we were just friends and neither of us wanted different.

When classes finally wrapped I immediately packed up and headed down to the Vineyard for the last lazy weeks of summer and celebrate my freedom. If I thought my friends were bad, my sisters were worse, they didn't buy the "just friends" thing, pushed for a name and armed with "Jack", (giving them Jace just seemed too risky) combed Facebook for a picture. When they couldn't find a picture they wanted to know when he was visiting and after explaining it's just not like that, they took to stealing my phone in an attempt to intercept a call and I took to changing my password almost daily. Sisters are ridiculously persistent.

Labor Day was fast approaching signifying the end of the summer. It was one of the rare years where Labor Day is as late as it can be meaning school had to start before the long weekend, thus effectively clearing out the island. With class work behind me, and no job lined up yet I elected to stay behind and start closing up the cottage for the season. In reality, Jace was back in States in rehearsals for his next movie, a cheesy romantic dramedy about love, loss and blah blah blah. He was looking to fall of the grid again for a few days, to get away and recharge and I was happy to help yet again. The trick was getting to the island undetected, which, it turns out isn't terribly difficult if you can charter a private flight from JFK.

I had dropped my sisters off at the ferry earlier in the day amid much protest; they suspected it was my mystery man coming for a visit, but I insisted they were wrong and that is was just my friend Camille looking to fall off the grid for a few days after a bad break-up. Naturally my exceptionally nosey sisters wanted to stay and see Cami, but they had to be back at school on Tuesday, no time to hang around and snoop. Cami, meanwhile, was under strict instructions to help me keep up the ruse, with assurances that I'd fill her in next week when I was back in town.

I picked Jace up from the airport and we headed back to the cottage along the way pointing out interesting sights and telling him silly stories of misspent summers down here as a kid. We got back to the cottage in time for a late lunch, packed a picnic and headed for the small piece of private beach located behind the house. It was, as expected, deserted. We lathered up with sunscreen, unpacked our picnic and sat back to enjoy the peace, quiet and salty ocean air.

"This is one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen." Jace says after a few minutes. "It's so...peaceful, this is exactly what I needed." he finished thoughtfully.

"I'm glad you like it." I respond. "This is easily one of my favorite places." I tell him. "When you said you need to fall off the grid for a few days I knew this would be the perfect place."

"I can't think of one better. Thank you again, Clary." he says.

He seems a bit off, "So why the need for a break from life?" I ask.

"I think I'm just sad to be leaving England, well Scotland, but it was nice to be so close to family, I know I haven't really mentioned it but my Grandmother has been ill. So it's been nice be able to be there and spend time with her." He explains.

He'd alluded to something going on with his Grandmother, but I hadn't realized it was illness. "Oh Jace, I'm sorry to hear that, I know she means a lot to you," I say, "what's wrong?" I ask.

"She has cancer." he reveals "She's battled it for years, it sort of comes and goes, her doctor manages it very well, but this time it seems as though it's hit her harder, like the sparks gone out of her a bit. She insists she's fine and that she stronger than ever and on her way back to her version of perfect health, but I'm having a difficult time believing it. Maybe I should take time off, pull out of this next picture?"

He goes on to explain her medical ups and downs and I feel awful for him. Medical crises can be hellishly emotional roller coasters for families. I know his family is close, but his grandmother has a special place in his heart. As the youngest of three, with two older sisters, he was often lost in the shuffle of daily life. His grandmother took special interest in him; she always had a special treat for him when he visited and she's also the person who introduced him to acting. She took him to his first play when he was 8 and when she saw how he lit up watching the production she signed him up for a theater workshop the following summer. It's clear he has an important connection to her, and it is seriously weighing on him that he can't be with her. Sitting in the sun, staring off into the waves he looks younger than he is, and the sadness in his eyes makes him look a bit lost.

"I'm sorry Jace, I just...I don't really know what to say," I offer feebly. "It is hardest when you can't be there, isn't it? To monitor these situations for yourself. But I think at the end of the day you just need to trust her and trust the rest of your family to watch over her and keep you informed. You guys are all so close, you'll find your way through this together. And don't forget, your grandmother is your biggest fan! She'd feel horrible if you gave up this next opportunity because of her."

"I know, I know you're right, it's the same thing I tell myself. But really the situation is what it is, I need to stop focusing on it and try and relax and recharge. I just feel exhausted from all of the worrying. Arg! I'm supposed to be clearing my mind and having some fun… c'mon!" He says as he leaps off his towel, grabs my hand and heads for the water.

The ocean here can almost feel like a bathtub by late August and this year is no exception. "This is just delicious, I could float here forever." I muse as we float in the surf. "I just love the ocean."

"I wish we could stay here forever, the waters are never this warm back home, it's very...cleansing." he says after a short pause, seeming more at ease than I've ever seen him.

"MmmMmm." I offer in agreement as the waves wash over us. There just something about the salt and the movement, the ocean does have healing properties and we as mere humans can barely taken in.

We float awhile longer in comfortable silence and before long we're laying on the beach drying in the sun, as it sinks toward the horizon. All too soon the day is coming to an end and I decide it's time to head in. I want to catch Thistle Farms before they close and pick up a few things to go with dinner. I look over and see Jace fast asleep on his towel, he looks very peaceful and I feel bad about waking him.

"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty, it's time to go inside." I say, gently. Nothing.

I laugh to myself as the ridiculous song my mother used to sing to get us out of bed surface in my mind.

"Rise and shine  
And give God the glory, glory  
Rise and shine  
And give God the glory, glory  
Children of the Lord."

He stirs "I haven't heard that in years." He says emerging from his nap "My mother used to sing that when we were younger. Come to think of it she still does from time to time." He continues as he sits up.

"Is there more to it? I can't remember..." I ask as I continue to hum the song, picking up my towel, taking care to shake out the sand down wind.

"There must have been, wasn't it about the flood?" He asks, following my lead.

"I honestly can't remember." I laugh and continue, "I can't believe your mom used that one too!" I say.

"Well I guess it works, as you've just proven." He points out as he wordlessly takes my towels and picks up the picnic basket.

"Hey, I'll carry something." I protest.

"Nonsense, I've got this, you lead the way."

We make our way over the dunes back to the cottage. There not a lot of leading to do, the cottage is in full view of the beach, there's no risk of getting lost.

"So I want to take a ride over to one of the farms before they close up shop and grab a few things to go with dinner, care to join me?" I ask

"I'll come along for the ride, not sure if I'll go in with you, I'd hate to blow my cover." He says with a mischievous grin.

_I'm glad he's feeling better_ I think, "I don't think there's a risk, but if you want we'll throw together a quick disguise." I say with a laugh.

We deposit our towels on the clothesline and head inside where Bea hops off the couch to greet us. I ask him to open some window to let in the evening air and go in search of a disguise. I settle on an old Black Dog t-shirt from a few years ago and a well-worn Red Sox cap. Both probably abandoned by my father and both perfect for blending in.

"Put these on and leave on the swimsuit," I instruct as I toss him his disguise, "I'll be right back." I say as I make my way toward my room.

My room, the room I shared with my sister Valentina every summer since she was about 3. Most people would expect me to trade up to one of the bigger rooms with bigger beds, especially when I'm here alone. But I don't this room is mine. I grab a denim skirt and a tank top and change out of my bathing suit, add a straw beach hat and I'm ready to go.

"This isn't much of a disguise," Jace says as I walk into the kitchen.

"What?" I question, "It's perfect, that's like the MV uniform you'll blend right in, you look like a local no one will look twice. C'mon." I say, "You too Bea."

We jump in the old CJ7 and head out. The island really does feel pretty deserted as we cruise along the main road. Thistle is not too far and we arrive in less than 10 minutes, but I can tell they're already getting ready to close up shop. We dash in and I see that the cashier is a girl I used to swim with when we were younger. She's about my age so there a good chance she'll recognize Jace. Just as I'm about to try and signal him she notices me and it's too late anyway.

"Hey Clary! Long time no see! How's tricks?" Sasha Overton says.

"Sasha hey! I forgot you worked here! I've been a few times in the last week or so but I haven't seen you. How are you? What have you been up to?" I offer as Jace goes over to look at the heirloom tomatoes.

"Oh not too much, ya know, working as a Guidance Councilor at the high school, so I've still got the summers off, I'm not here too often, but now that my cousins are all in college I help my aunt out here now and again when they're not around." She offers, and lowers her voice, "And who's Mr. Tall Blonde and Handsome over there?" She asks conspiratorially.

"Oh, ha, that's JP, he's one of Jonny's friends," referring to my brother. "Jon got called into work over the holiday even though his friend was in town from Seattle. His flight's not till Wednesday so I told him he's welcome to stay and I'd show him around if he promised to help me put up the shutters after the weekend." I lie smoothly.

"Hmm, he's cute." She observes.

"I guess so. He's a nice enough kid," I say, "but one of my brother's friends…" I question.

"Hey I'm just saying, it worked for your parents." Sasha reminds me.

"I suppose so," I say thoughtfully and with a laugh.

"Anyway what can I help you with? Not to kick you out, but I was getting ready to close. We're doing the whole bonfire thing tomorrow night and I'm supposed to do the grocery shopping"

"Oh of course!" I say "I just want a cuke, tomato, corn, some berries and if you've got one of those to die for Angel Food cakes."

Out of nowhere Jace pipes up, in a perfect mid-western American accent, that he's got the Tomato, cucumber and strawberries.

"Thanks, those look great." I say trying to suppress a giggle.

"The blueberries, black berries and raspberries are right over there and corn's in the bin in the corner" Sasha says pointing towards a table near the cash register, "And you're in luck, there were two cakes left, let me grab you one. Be right back."

No sooner has Sasha disappeared through the red and white gingham curtain to the staff room than I turn to Jace and burst into laughter.

"What?" He looks at me innocently "I am an actor. Maybe not as smooth as you." He teases in his American accent.

I giggling like an idiot when Sasha comes back in, cake in hand ready to ring us up. Jace brings over his basket and she looks at him and I think she may recognize him. Thinking quickly I ask him to check on Bea in the Jeep.

"He looks familiar" Sasha says "Like somebody I've met before."

"I don't know he said he'd been down with Jon a few times year ago, while they were in college. Trips mostly spent in drinking in front of a bonfire on the beach, you probably crossed paths with him then." I explain, hoping I've successfully hidden the edge of desperation in my voice.

"Probably, that's an even $20" Sasha says as she bags my purchases no longer interested in my familiar friend.

"Thanks again" I say handing her the money "Have a great weekend, it was good seeing you." I finish as I grab my bag from the counter."

"Good seeing you to, and you're both welcome to stop by tomorrow night, usual spot, you'll know where to find us!" Sasha says following me to the door and locking it behind me.

_That was close,_ I think as I walk out the door only to find Jace leaning on the fender tossing a tennis ball for Bea. Cute doesn't begin to scratch the surface, I think as Bea abandons fetch to jump on me.

"C'mon, Bea into the car." Jace commands as he opens the car door and grins at me.

We get back to the house and I get to work on a salad to go with tonight's dinner. Jace excuses himself to "freshen up" before dinner. I direct him through the master bedroom to the bathroom. "You're also welcome to sleep there too if you'd like so feel free to make yourself at home." I call after him. I get to work peeling and chopping fruits and veggies, I lightly dress the salad with nice olive oil and balsamic and put it in the fridge before grabbing a stock pot for the steamers and making my way down to the water. It's a short walk but in the absence of a task my mind wanders to Sasha telling me Jace was cute. "I can't go there." I say quietly to myself. We've cultivated an incredible if not unexpected friendship that I've come to really value. I'm comfortable with him, comfortable telling him things that I wouldn't tell many friends. It's easy to be friends with him, but would it be easy to be more and worth the risk of losing the friendship? "You also forget that he's not interested in relationships, he's a loner." I say again to myself as I stand at the waters edge. I wade in up to my knees and fill the pot with seawater. I wander back to the cottage and spy Jace at the picture window gazing out at the ocean, in jeans and a grey t-shirt his towel draped around his neck. He sees me and smiles. _Just enjoy a quiet weekend with your friend Clary_. I think to myself.

"I'd wondered where you'd gone," Jace says as he opens the door for me "I thought I'd lost you."

"Just down to get some water for the steamers, that's the secret you know, boiling them in sea water." I say with a smile. "I didn't think to ask but I hope your cool with seafood, more specifically swordfish and steamers."

"Swordfish sounds great, steamers I've never had and as long as everything's cooked I'm sure it'll be wonderful. I'm not into raw fish- too- slimy." he finished after a moment's pause.

"Fair enough, no oysters, no sushi. Do me a favor, get the grill going?"

"Of course, anything I can do to help, did you want a specific temperature?"

"High to heat up, we'll turn it down when we start cooking." I answer.

"Grills going, what next?" He asks, eager to help and unsure how.

"Open this if you don't mind, it should rest for a little while." I ask as I pass him a bottle of Pinot Noir to open. "And then set the table outside."

I continued to prep, setting the water on to boil and melting butter for the steamers as Jace rummages around the kitchen setting the table. He finishes setting the table and begins exploring the house, which is a bit of a time capsule representing 30 years of my family. Somehow where my parent's house on the mainland has transitioned and grown up with us this house still boasts a gallery's worth of summer camp artwork by my siblings and I spanning a solid 20 years.

"Where is this?" Jace asks pointing at a series of pictures all taken in the same place.

"That it the Flying Horses," I answer glancing over my shoulder "it's right downtown and is allegedly Americas oldest carousel. It was like our favorite thing to do down here as kids. We'd beg to go every night after dinner and ride over and over again. Every year at the end of the summer they line us up on those front steps and take our picture. It started when I was 4 or 5, before my youngest sister, Emma, was even born." I reminisce.

"Right up until, is that last year?" he asks, a hint of laughter in his voice.

"It is indeed, we try and make a point of all getting down here at least once a year together so might as well take the picture to prove it."

"Some of these are too funny, I love the years where you are clearly to cool for a family photo." Jace laughed.

I walk over to look with him and I see exactly what he means, from about 16-20 I look like I'd rather be doing anything else. "Well, I was an angsty teenager," I laugh. "but it's funny how you sort of come back around and seen the value in posterity. " I add pointing to a few years ago.

As his eyes follow my finger I notice how they pause briefly on 2 and 3 years ago. "You guys look happy to be back together. Where's your brother in these 2." he asks.

"We were, the two previous summers were the first ever we hadn't been all together. Jonny was doing 2 tours with the Marines in Afghanistan" I told Jace. Without even meaning to I continued, "The girls didn't want to take the picture without him, but I insisted so we could send it to him. He was after all the one to remind us to take the picture every year. I figured he'd be pissed if we didn't do it without him, that's why we're all wearing MARINES shirts in the photo. Wow, sorry I just haven't thought about that for a long time." I finish, apologizing. I turn toward him to find him looking at me instead of the photos.

"It's no problem; I do enjoy your stories. And it all turned out in the end didn't it?" he asked tenderly, already knowing the answer.

"It absolutely did, thank god, at least for us. But the first summer he'd only just shipped out in June. That photo was taken in August and we're all still sad or nervous or just getting used to the idea...maybe?" I trailed off. "We were going about business as usual, with this, palpable absence, it was just weird. Coincidently that's also the year my parents finally agreed to install Wi-Fi down here." I giggled.

"Wait when was that? '02?" Jace asked.

"'03, actually they really like that we were cut off down here, no cable, video games, cell service was always minimal and Internet was only available at the library. They thought that we should be outside enjoying the summer and nature and blah blah blah." I laughed remembering. "We Skyped all the time, that year, still no cable though, it's not worth it, mom and dad trained us well, to this day I rarely watch TV down here. In fact we pretty much only have the TV, with built in VCR, to show guests that haven't seen it Jaws, and cell service still sucks most of the time as you may or may not have noticed."

"I have noticed and I must confess, it's certainly an added bonus. And I must ask, why Jaws?" Jace asks

"What?!" I say incredulously "It's the islands big claim to fame, it was filmed down here. So we make 'em watch it then show 'em the sights and...whatnot." I trail off sheepishly.

"What's whatnot?" He asks, laughing.

"Well part of the fun is getting people to go swimming after you've made them watch the shark movie right? So as we got older we'd sneak out and go swimming at night. My parents certainly wouldn't approve, but when we were a bit older and any of us would come down here just with friends we'd make Jaws a drinking game and then go swimming." I laughed at some of those memories. "Thankfully no one ever got hurt, it probably was an awful idea." I say in an attempt to sound somewhat responsible.

Jace laughed, "well, that doesn't sound safe, but it certainly sounds fun. Now do tell me, when was the last time you did that?" He asks, looking at me quizzically. "Be honest."

"Last summer," I answer with a smile. "What? Its like, tradition, ok?" I defend my poor decisions.

"But not this summer?" He asks, clearly assuming I'm lying.

"NO!"

"I thought it was tradition," he counters.

"It is, maybe I just haven't had the chance yet. So tell me have you seen Jaws?" I ask giggling uncontrollably trying to be smooth.

He laughing with me, and I get the sense he's studying me, trying to answer a question without asking me. "You're waters boiling" He says pointing towards the kitchen.

"Ooo" I exclaim as I go back to the kitchen and add the steamers to the water. He follows me, observing me asking questions about the process here and there. We move around the kitchen in sync, it's as if he senses where I'll move next, a natural and comfortable dance practiced for years by a long married couple. I can't help but smile as I cut the lemon and grab the swordfish. "Grab the salt and pepper and follow me." I say with a smile and head for the porch.

"Yes, chef." He responds teasing me. "You know you're very good at this, you'd give Rachel Ray a run for her money."

"Oh, c'mon, anyone could give her a run for her money!" I laugh back.

"I'm serious, you could be on TV." He says

"No I couldn't, I'd be too nervous and far to shy, besides you don't paint the most attractive portrait of celebrity lifestyle." I laugh back. As I put the swordfish on the grill, adjusting the heat. "What?" I question his silence, as I squeeze lemon over the steaks.

"No, nothing, just lost in thought." He answers.

"Ok," I say, not buying it. There's more to it than that, I can see it in his eyes. I look at him for a fraction of a second before he smiles and I smile back. "Hey, make yourself useful and hit those with some salt and pepper."

"Yes, chef." He says again, with a grin.


	3. Chapter 3

**Now**

I put Eli down for her afternoon nap and go back to the kitchen to check my phone. I have 2 missed calls from Jace and a voicemail from him. He always calls a second time before he leaves a message, but as a rule, my phone stays in my pocket when Eli and I are at the park or walking there together. It drive me crazy to see moms depositing they're children on the playground and spending that hour with their phones. So, while I am sorry I missed him, it simply seems wrong to not pay attention to my daughter in situations where I'm her only source of entertainment and Jace understands that completely. I'm pull up the voicemail:

"Hey baby, I just wanted to hear your voice and check in. I'm thinking you and E are out which is great. It's about 4 here and I'm headed to the Today show set I'd love to say hi and get your thoughts on what I'm planning to say. I'll probably be in hair and make-up, but I'll answer if only to avoid the make-up. I love you my darling, give Eli a kiss for me." He sounds tired.

I hit call back and listen to the first ring before Ali picks up on the second.

"Jace's in makeup but he asked that I answer your call. How's your morning been? Uneventful I hope."

"Good morning, Al. Things are normal here, knock on wood. Eli and I just got back from the park, she's down for a nap. How are you?"

"Busy, constantly on phone. Everyone's looking for a statement and a picture. You'll know they've figured it out when someone turns up with a camera on you doorstep." She says, a failed attempt at humor "but seriously, we may have to think about putting one out there after this, We're sort of hoping this interview is going to act as our statement and Jace said he has a picture in his wallet he'll show Lauer if he asks, but I have no idea which one he means. We'll just have to see how this all plays out, before we can plan the next move. We've decided on honest, it was never a secret, answer any questions within reason."

I sigh, "I'm not sure if it's pregnancy hormones or what, but the strategizing is stressing me out, is he there? Can I talk to him?"

"I'm sorry Clar, it's all going to be fine and he'll be home tomorrow, lemme get him for you."

I hear her knock on a door and muffled voices.

"Next time I over exuberantly run my mouth, please remind be of this beforehand." Jace says

"If it makes you feel any better there's no way you could ever drop this level of info again." I say a feeble attempt at levity "Jace, baby, you're close, just breathe and get through it. Once you've gone out there and answered some questions the feeding frenzy may abate and you can come home to me and we can figure this out together." I say supportively, trying to convince both of us that this is true. "After we've had a chance to celebrate your win and you've had a chance to get some real sleep." I add.

"I hope you're right, god, I am exhausted." He says, though he doesn't need to, I can hear it in his voice.

"What's your plan?"

"For the interview? Mary asked for the questions in advance so we could prepare and veto any. But honestly, there's nothing specifically objectionable. Standard stuff, who is she? How did you meet? Why keep it a secret? I'm aiming to come off as honest and open, but still invested in maintaining our privacy and our quality of life."

"That sounds good." I respond, because really, what other option do we have. "Do me a favor though. Don't talk too specifically about Eli. I'd rather keep those details vague for as long possible and hopefully keep her picture out of the magazines. And whatever you do, don't give up my last name. Anything else about me is fine, I don't want people trying to find my family and friends. If people want to feed themselves to the wolves I'm not inclined to stop them, but I don't care to do it myself"

"Those were my thoughts exactly. So I'm sure Al mentioned everyone's after a picture."

"I know." I answer, letting skepticism infuse my voice. I know eventually there will be pictures out there, part of me always thought that first pic would be on the Oscar red carpet, dressed to the nines, on Jace's arm, as if on cue the baby kicks. "Which one do you have in you're wallet?" I say gently rubbing my belly.

"It's the one you love from the wedding. With your back to the camera. I'm thinking it works cause it's just us and you can't even see your whole face."

I know exactly which one. It's my favorite picture of Jace. The photographer wanted to capture the back of my dress and snapped this picture while we were trying to set up, and it's candid quality is what makes it my favorite. The dress itself was an impressive piece of custom work. Chantilly lace bodice accented with gold thread and pearl buttons all the way down the back and train. It fit me like a glove, contouring my curves and demurely showing just the right amount of skin. In the picture we're facing every other, Jace's left hand is resting on my lower back, his shiny new platinum band in full view, and my right hand is on his shoulder. Jace is looking at me, but I'm not looking at him. Instead I'm looking at my bridesmaids off camera and my face is in barely visible profile, it's all about my hair and dress. It's a very serene picture. We both looked beautiful and peaceful and happy, but Jace, who's looking intently at me with my smile on his face, looks more in love and content than I'd ever see him and it radiates. It's as if it's a look reserved for moments when no one is looking, but by some miracle the photographer caught it. I have it framed in our house and people always comment on the intimacy of it, that it almost feels intrusive to look at. In short it's the perfect picture to show the world. It leaves no room for interpretation. "I didn't know carried that with you. It's perfect." I say, smiling into the phone.

* * *

"So first off, congratulations, that was a big win and I think well deserved. I thought...was a fantastic story, and based on a history that a lot of people don't know much about?"

"Thank you, yea it absolutely tackles something I think people needed to know about. It is this really dark time in Irish history that has been, more or less, left to the annals of history. And what I found particularly interesting is that the subject matter, in many ways is so foreign, for the church to take that stance and the government to allow it is unconscionable in Western culture by today's standards and therefor me seems like a very dated idea, but the last so-called Magdaleine houses existed well into the 1980s if memory serves." He seems a bit on edge and fidgety. Crossing and uncrossing his long legs trying to get comfortable in a too small chair. Another day he would have been been rigidly seated and totally focused and in control. I'd always marveled at his ability to handle interview that way, vigilant in keeping answers brief and to the point, rarely veering into what he considered personal territory and expertly course correcting if he did.

"So we talked about this project about a year ago when you brought it to Cannes and you said you just found the story compelling and found a personal connection in the characters. But you kept it very brief, as has always been your MO. Care to elaborate now?"

"Well Matt," he pauses, taking a deep breath before slowly and deliberately continuing into uncharted territory, "English and Irish history have always been closely intertwined. Both my grandmother and my wife's grandmother grew up in Ireland and, like so many experienced the effects of this policy in some way. But I guess I just felt really connected to Mal's story, you know here's this guy, who had a tough go but now has sort of found a way to family and love and he thinks he's got it figured out, he's got everything he could ever want and he's on his way to this great life that he's worked really hard for and in an instant it's almost all taken away from him when he loses his wife and her family. I read the script for the first time when my wife was approximately 5 months pregnant with our first baby, and I just related to this guy who thinks he's won the lottery of life."

And it's out there, just like that, years of offering the bare minimum in explanation is over. All at once he seems at ease, relaxed the weight has been lifted, the jig is up.

"And then loses." Lauer observes.

Jace smiles, it seems, at the thought of me. "Well thats where our lives diverge, my wife is safely home, probably watching this." He looks directly into the camera and smiles the same crooked smile from the picture, that's just for me, not the one reserved for the camera or the red carpet. "I guess, well you've got kids, it's such an emotional time. I remember the moment she told me she was pregnant, shock, disbelief, elation. And when Eli was born, well you know."

"It's an incredible feeling, utter devotion and absolute terror in equal measure."

"Yea, exactly. So I guess in reading that script and acting that role in some ways he and I were in the same place in life, right?. Young, in love, starting a family, it's such a hopeful and optimistic time in life, you know? It was easy to empathize with Mal's plight. I thought about what I'd do if I found myself in his shoes. How would I get through it? The answer is probably not nearly as gracefully as he did." With that answer Matt Lauer, who's interviewed Jace a dozen or so times seems to have caught on to the new Jace, gone is the cagey, broody, borderline rude, privacy obsessed young hollywood star and sitting before him, and the world is a man, a husband and father, the man I met all those years ago in the rain and the man I married.

"So tell me. Secret wife? Secret child? Who was in on the secret? You're one of the biggest stars around, how'd you do it? And how long have you been doing it?"

"You know, it's funny, Matt. We never meant to keep it a secret. We were friends first and at that stage I was adamant about protecting her from the spotlight and when we first started dating I did not want her to lose her anonymity and sacrifice her privacy because of me, to be with be, I always felt that would be asking to much. I'd seen relationships ruined by the pressures of this kind of fame, hell I'd been in those relationships and more than anything I didn't want that for her."

"What do you mean by that? The pressure of this kind of fame?"

"The fame based on the association with a YA book franchise. I was still in the thick my contract for the Dark Artifices films and those fans want to see that the story on screen is continued off. And of course the studio hires, young, unattached or seemingly unattached actors to play these roles with that in mind I think, because it helps sell the product. When I signed on I didn't care I was young and unattached, I didn't fully realized the breadth and commitment in that contract, especially related to public persona. And it was a bear, what was most difficult is that they were filmed almost Lord of the Rings style back to back...to back to back. By the time the last film came out, I'd been doing other things for years and I hadn't done anything other than press for DA in a good 2 years but as part of that contract I couldn't bring any non family members to anything related to press for DA and as i'm sure you know when you're making those rounds, everything is press for the film in question. And you know, those were fun movies to make, with a great group of people for whom I have utmost respect and am still very close with. Those movies have given me everything I have from my career to my family home. But I was young and just starting out and by the time the 5th movie released, more than 6 years had passed since I'd signed on and I wasn't in the same place in my life. I'd have loved to bring Clary to premiers and awards but I wasn't really allowed to."

"It's interesting to hear you speak so candidly about that time in your career and in you life, it makes me feel for you man. So she's not in the business?"

"No, she's not."

"Then how did you two meet?"

"She rescued me," He answers with a laugh and a self deprecating smile. "I was lost in Boston while I was filming 'Cambridge', it was pouring rain and she took me in."

"That sounds a little crazy to me."

"I know!" He says animatedly. "What sane woman asks a stranger to ride out the storm with her, but I was in a desperate moment and my mobile was out of battery. I think she saw the desperation on my face and just took pity on me. The power went out and we just talked for hours, I'd never felt so at ease, conversation flowed, she made me laugh, she politely laughed at my awful jokes. At first I wasn't even sure she knew who I was, she was so kind and genuine. After that we kept in touch and talked a lot and eventually I finally realized we were great together and I couldn't live without her."

"And the rest is history."

"As they say".

"How long have you been together?"

"Together about 6 years, married 3."

"And one child?"

"At the moment yes. Eli's 3 and a mad little ball of energy."

"At the moment?"

"Yes, and not for much longer, we're having another baby soon. Which is the only reason she wasn't with me last night. She's 7 plus months pregnant, too pregnant to travel. I almost didn't come myself but she insisted. She had a good feeling about my chances."

"Well she was right."

Jace laughed "she usually is."

"I must say man, you seem relaxed, more laid back than I'm used to from you, is it nice to be out of the closet, for lack of a better term?"

"I suppose that's some of it, it's nice to be able to responded honestly and openly to questions about my personal life. I kept it quiet so long it became automatic. Like I said, she was never meant to be a secret, I love talking about her and Eli, sharing my joy anf the life we've built together. But in the same breath, I'm nervous about the impact on our lives, revived interest from paparazzi and the like. I suppose that was bound to happen either way."

"What do you want to say to those people?"

"We are a normal family, trying to live as quiet and normal a life as possible. I just ask that they respect that."

"That seems fair enough, but I've got to ask, do you have a picture?" Matt inquires.

Jace shifts in his seat, retrieving his wallet from the pocket of his blazer. "Umm, I think I may have one I'd be willing to share." He makes a show of looking through the bill fold before he pulls it out. As he passes it to Matt, bent to the contour of his wallet and dogeared.

"That's you're wedding day, I assume" Matt says in response

"It is yea, god isn't she beautiful?" he says, almost to himself, as the picture fills the screen

"She is, it's a beautiful picture, remarkably intimate, thanks for sharing." Matt says as he passes the picture back to Jace, who looks at it briefly before carefully tucking it back into his wallet. "Where did you get married?"

"A lot of people say that, I guess it is in some ways. It's Clary's favorite picture from that day. She thinks it captures to serenity of it really well. We got married in western Ireland, near the area her grandmother was from. Rural farmland and rolling hills, it was really small and not too fancy, mostly just family and close friends. The photographer was a good friend of hers from college so we didn't have to worry about the photos falling I to the wrong hands."

"And you guys live in England?"

"For the most part we share time between England and the US. Thus far we've been fortunate that most my work opportunities have aligned with hers, I always feel guilty if she has to pass on something for my career. But at the same time we're committed to each other and being real, present parents to our children."

"Absolutely, that's the only way it works." Matt agreed, "She works too? What does she do?"

"She does work, I'd rather not get into specifics, but she's very well educated and very much a sought after voice in her field. I'm constantly impressed by how smart and driven she is. Someday when I'm old and bald I'll be the one following her around the world while she collects accolades."

"I'll tell ya, transient life is easy with one, two kids is a game changer though."

Jace smiles, "so we've been told, but we both come from big families and we knew right away we wanted one too. To this point we've fortunate enough to be able to figure things out as we go, we're a pretty great team and a fantastic support system in both our families. As my brother-in-law says we've got a pretty deep bench, we're lucky."

"It certainly sounds like it. Well Jace thank you so much for coming in to talk to us. Congratulations on everything man."

"Not a problem. Thanks for having me." Jace says, moving to shake Matt's hand.

Matt Lauer looks at the camera, before looking into the camera,"we're in LA talking to last night's Oscar winners, so stick around and we'll be right back. This is Today on NBC."

The live stream cuts to a commercial for BMWs new electric car. "Overrated" I mutter to myself just as my phone rings. I glance at the caller ID and answer. "Hi mom."

**Then**

REM said it best when they said "Nightswimming deserves a quiet night. I'm not sure all these people understand." Because swimming at night gets a bad rap. There's something indescribably beautiful and peaceful about floating in the 80 degree ocean silently taking in the world around you. Alone in the pitch black ocean, feeling the warm salt water lap your skin while gazing up at the Milky Way, is the best way to appreciate the size of the universe and your insignificance in it.

Sure it's unsettling wading into the unknown, but sometimes you just need to let go and trust that the powers that be know what to do.

I didn't think Jace would be game for the time honored Fray tradition of a post Jaws swim, but just after midnight he surprised me. After the fish was destroyed and credits rolled I turned to him, cocked an eyebrow and playfully asked, "shall we?"

He looked at me, with a lopsided, lazy grin, "after you." He said as he rose from the couch.

I stood, removing keys and some stray money from the pocket of my denim skirt dropping it on the table. I wasn't going to bother putting a bathing suit back on, and he didn't need to either. Bea was asleep on her bed near the rarely used fire place and I didn't want to wake her because she couldn't come with us. I brought a finger to my lips, motioning for Jace to be quiet, as I grabbed his hand and made for the door.

Once outside we ran for the ocean 10 yards from waters edge I drop his hand to unbutton my skirt kicking it off in the sand, as I unzip my sweatshirt, discarding it with my skirt. Jack follows my lead, kicking off flip flops and pulling his T-shirt over his head. I can help but steal a glance, somehow the moonlight reveals him differently than full sun has in the last few days. His body is lean and muscular but not in an aggressive way. He exudes strength but at the same time there's an air on self-consciousness in the set of his shoulders. I know from our conversations in the last few months that if it weren't for the physical demands of his last movie role he would not even bother with the gym. He'a a runner, which you can see in the sculpted but not chiseled planes of his stomach.

"It's beautiful, isn't it, they way standing here makes you feel alone on the edge of the planet?" I ask, noticing his unfocused, distant gaze.

"Not completely alone," he says, shifting his gaze to me "but it is beautiful." He finishes, almost wistfully.

"C'mon" I say wading into the water, diving into a shallow wave.

I almost feel bad about what about to do I think as I feel the water envelop me, gliding smoothly under its surface, along the shoreline, away from Jace. I silently surface looking back in his direction, as he looks in the direction I started waiting for me to surface. He's waist deep, but has yet to dive in. I hear him softly call my name, my cue to sink down into the water again. I swim in his direction, following the muffled sound of his voice, I can't discern tone, but if history is any indicator, the mark is starting to panic I smile underwater as Jace's legs come into view, a moment later I gently tickle the back of his knee and feel him start.

"Gotchya!" I say as I pop out of the water behind him, scaring him a second time.

"Bloody hell!" He exclaims. "Jesus Clary you scared the hell out of me." He sounded angry or exasperated.

"That's the point silly," I say playfully trying to diffuse his tension. "Watch the the shark movie, scare the new guy." I say with a smile as I lean back into the ocean treading water.

"Well it worked," he didn't sound all that amused, "I thought, you'd vanished."

"I'm sorry," I letting my feet find the sandy ocean floor and moving towards him, "I was jus- OUCH!" I exclaim as I lose my balance.

"Clary!" I hear Jace, voice laced with fear as I feel myself slip beneath the surface.

He grabs my shoulders pulling me up and towards him, I feel like a fool as a cough through the mouthfuls of water I'd just inadvertently injested. He cautiously moves towards the beach as he assesses me, moving hair out of my eyes. I find my footing and move a hand to his arm to stop him.

"Jace, it's ok. I'm sorry I'm fine. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" I'm stopped by the need for air, I'm still trying to catch my breath.

He's looking at me intently. His hand still at my jaw gently cradling my chin. His expression is unreadable, concern yes, relief sure, but there's something else I can't place. I finally feel air fill my lungs and I can take a deep breath. His hand shifts around my neck and there is a gentle pressure drawing me further into him. I rest my forehead on his chest and breathe deeply, the scents of sun and ocean fill my nose as I relax against him. Apologizing again.

"What was that?" Jack said quietly, concerned. His warm breath dancing across my damp skin.

"A jelly fish I think, the sting just caught me off guard and I lost my balance. I'm sorry I scared you." I say taking another breath before stepping back to look at him. I smile, his expression has softened, at least he's not still angry about my sneak attack.

"We should head in, do you need to do anything for a jellyfish sting?"

"In a few minutes." I say. I can feel the stings on my legs and am sure Ill have welts in the morning but I'm not ready to go in and there's not a lot one can do about jellyfish stings. I run my hand down Jace's arm to his hand and pull him back into the water with me leaning back to float facing the night sky. "It's not often that you get this clear a view of the Milky Way." We float, hands clasped, for what feels like an eternity but is surely only minutes until Jace squeezes my hand.

"Theatrics notwithstanding, this may be more pleasant than the beach in the sun. It almost feels like we're floating in space. Peaceful, dark and weightless." Jace observes, echoing my thoughts exactly.

"I couldn't have said it better myself. I told you late night swimming gets a bad rap." I reply.

"Well to be fair, I'm not sure your introduction to it is going to do much for its reputation in the long term." he teases.

"Haha, you're probably right, but at the same time I'd hate for it to catch on to much especially with people who don't fully understand and appreciate the experience."

"So it was a test?"

"Maybe." I say jokingly

"So I passed then?"

"You may be my best student to date." I say honestly, smiling at the sky.

I feel the change in current around me and realize Jace is not floating on his back anymore he's sitting beside me in the shallows looking at me. I suddenly realize I should feel self conscious in nothing but my panties and a tank-top, but for some reason I don't. I follow his gaze to my legs where angry welts have bloomed as a result of my run in with the jellyfish, a reminder that karma's a bitch.

"Does it hurt?" He asks

"A bit," I offer, "but not unbearably. Time to go in?" I say through a yawn, as the last of the adrenaline from the last half hour ebbs away.

"I think so." Jace says as he stands and scoops me up in his arms in one fluid motion. Taking me completely by surprise.

"Hey, what are you doing." I ask as I put my arms around his neck, to steady myself.

"I don't know," he says honestly, "I figured that hurts more than your letting on and it'll be easier to address without the additional sand. How do you dress a jellyfish bite anyway?"

"You're ridiculous," I say with a giggle. "And jelly fish sting. Usually just meat tenderizer and a dab of vinegar after it the actual stinging persists." I advise as Jace stealthily traverses the dunes.

"Do you have that or should I go get it?" He asks, planning and strategizing.

"No, we have it." I say just as the breeze picks up, sending a chill through me. I involuntarily tighten my arms around Jace wanting his body heat. I feel him shift to angle his shoulder into the breeze and shifting my body protectively into his chest. His bare chest, sinewy and firm and suddenly I again remember the bareness of my legs and the thinness of my shirt.

"It's a beautiful night." Jace says, interrupting my thoughts.

Mmm, it is. The breeze feels amazing." I say quietly as he rounds the last bend in the path. "Let's sit on the porch for a bit." I suggest as he mounts the bottom step.

"Sure, vinegar and meat tenderizer?" He says as he deposits me on the bench by the door.

"Left upper cabinet near the stove." I say, "but I can get it."

"Nonsense, I'll be right back."

He quietly enters the house and emerges a few minutes later with a towel around his waist one for me and supplies to treat my wounds, flipping the porch light on as he steps back through the door. He sits down next to me and lines the supplies up on the coffee table in front of us. I shift, putting my heel on the coffee table to assess the damage in the light. To my eyes, it looks worse than it is, I've had worse.

"God lord." I hear beside me, Jace remarking on the bright red spidering across my left leg. "What do you need me to do?"

"It's really not as bad as it looks, I've had much worse." I say examining my leg while trying to diffuse his concern, before looking over at him "Really, I'm ok, this is nothing, I've landed in the hospital before."

"Are you sure we should go to he hospital, Clary, that looks awful?"

"I'll be fine, just pass the meat tenderizer."

Jace picks up the meat tenderizer and moves from the bench next to me to sit on the table, gently lifting my foot onto his thigh, he traces his fingers along the welts at my knee and down my calf, barely skimming the surface of my skin, taking care not to hurt me. He looks conflicted, unsure of what to do next and where to go from here. I want to ask him what he's thinking about, but instead I offer instructions.

"So just sprinkle some meat tenderizer over the marks and then rub it around." I instruct, he looks up at me, coming back to the present.

"Right, sorry, like this?" he sprinkles and then begins to rub gentle circles in over my inflamed skin. It usually hurts a little but tonight, be it because of fatigue or wine or the rhythmic sound of the ocean, I am mesmerized by the way he's massaging my injury.

"That's perfect." I say quietly. "The idea behind meat tenderizer is that it'll help remove any stingers or tentacles left behind. We stayed in the water long enough after that I doubt you'll find a tentacle, but the stingers can be a stubborn."

"Am I hurting you? You'd let me know if a was?"

"Not at all, strange as it may sound this feels good."

We continue quietly, Jace finishing a step, me offer the next instruction. Once he is satisfied that I am well taken care of he settles back down on the seat next to me. We stay out on the deck a while longer, laughing and sharing stories of childhood vacations and pointing out constellations and shooting stars as they fly by. I'm not sure when, but after a while I must have drifted off because the next morning I woke up in my bed with a vague memory Jace's arms and whispered words.

_"Time for bed beautiful girl."_

* * *

**Talk to me readers, I want to know what you think!**

**Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Now**

"You know I tried to stay awake, but I TiVoed it." My mother offered, mildly defensively. "If I'd known what was happening I would have made a pot of coffee instead of have that last glass of wine."

"Mom, it's not something he planned, he didn't think he'd win, he didn't plan anything." I say, "It really was a heat of the moment thing and like I told him, we were never a secret and not mentioning the wife who's been living this life with him for the past what 5? 6? years is worse." I say, laughter in my voice, lightening the mood. "I'm trying not to let this worry me until there's real cause, this doesn't change anything in my mind."

"Of course, why should it. It's interesting thought isn't it?" She questioned.

"Isn't what?" I have no idea what she's talking about.

"His whole demeanor."

"What do you mean?" I'm curious about her take on all of this.

"This morning on the Today Show and even last night. Well you know, we're family, we've always known he's very different than his public image. It was nice to see the Jace we know and love there on the screen instead of the defensive, disinterested version I'm used to. He lights up when he talks about you and Elizabeth, he always has it'll be interesting to see how this all plays out is all." says the ever observant Jocelyn Garroway.

"I thought I was the only one who'd notice it." I smile as I think about it "He was so much more relaxed and himself, I just, I just loved watching it." I pause. "But if I had to guess this'll put him more in demand and if I'm being honest that's cause for concern in its own way."

"Why do you say that sweetheart?"

"I don't know, maybe it's just hormones, but you remember when Eli was born, I was stressed and far from home and he was always there, so present and supportive of everything. He just made everything ok, I felt like we were really doing it together, what if this time around he's to busy?"

Around the time E was born Jace organized his schedule to take some time off. He was excited and nervous, due in part to an unexpected third-trimester complication that meant I couldn't get back on a plane to the US. Suddenly we had to stay in the UK and it made me incredibly nervous, away from my family, my doctors and the lovely new townhouse we were about to close on, with the nursery we'd spent months planning. Jace just decided to take some time to help me settle in. We found a sweet little flat in the same Maida Vale neighborhood as Isabelle and Simon and Jace coordinated with Emma to have some of my things and all of the baby stuff brought over. Taking the time was easier than you'd think because his schedule, to that point, had been demanding enough that moviegoers wouldn't even notice his 8 month break. It was bliss having him around all the time. Of course when we first brought Eli home it was tough, you can read every book, go to every class and talk to every parent you know but nothing can fully prepare you for your own baby. Naturally our parents were all around in the beginning, and it was a god send. Mine were on a plane as soon as they got word that I was in labor, my dad stayed two weeks and my mom stayed a full month. And Jace's mom and dad we constantly calling and stopping by to check in. Add to that a steady stream of our siblings and friends and we had all the help we needed whenever we wanted it. It was crowded, but it was fun. And with all the extras hands we were able to actually sleep much more than we would have, if it had just been the 3 of us. Eli, for the most part was a good baby. Generally she wasn't a big cryer except early on when it was time to sleep and she didn't love to sleep. And when the baby won't nap it's nice to have people around to hold her while she cries it out. She eventually figured out the napping, but to this day she's the first one up

"Clarissa, you know as well as I do Jace will always put you and the kids first. He lives for you guys. Not to mention the two of you have always made career decisions, for both of you, together? What make you think that would suddenly change?"

"It won't, logically I know that. I don't know though. I've identified as Jace Herondale's wife for what four years? I tell people he's my husband and we introduce each other as any other married couple would. In our world we're Jace and Clary Herondale, he happens to be an actor and I happen to be an Art Historian. I think people generally see us as an average couple. I guess I'm a little worried that suddenly the world will see me as his wife and not my own person with my own career and my own goals."

"I see what you're saying, but my dear, you've worked very hard at you're career and you really have established yourself as one of the young, leaders in your field, just as Jace told Matt Lauer. You've established your own professional network and made a name for yourself, you Clarissa Fray, not Clary Herondale. And why would that change now? Your the same brilliant, driven girl I've always known. I shouldn't think you have anything to worry about."

My mom knows how to give a pep talk.

"So tell me,so far everything's been ok?"

"Yea, so far so good. It hasn't even been 24 hours, so who knows now after the interview, I'm almost afraid to go online and see what's trending now. The true test will be when Jace gets home, if he's followed and everything."

"When's he due home?"

"He's more or less supposed to leave from that interview. The studio loaned him a jet, so he doesn't have to fly commercial and in theory can be covert about it. I imagine he'll stop back at the hotel to change and shower because it's a 12 hour flight, so that's what 4 or 5 am tomorrow?"

"Sounds about right. And you know Emma's en route?"

"Yea she emailed me this morning that she's on an 8 o'clock flight I think which probably means 7 or 8 tonight. Part of me hopes it's closer to 8 so Eli will be asleep, if she sees Emma I'll never get her to go down. But I'll make us a nice dinner and it'll be great to catch up."

"You know she's back to not eating meat?"

"I do indeed, I've got something else planned." I say, yawning.

"You should take a nap honey, you need your rest."

"I know," I say through another yawn. I look at my watch it's been just about forty-five minutes since I put Eli down. She spent a good 15-20 fighting the nap so if I'm lucky I've got half an hour before she's up. It's not much, but I'll take what I can get. "That's a good thought, let's talk tomorrow?"

"Sounds good, I love you." My mom says.

"Love you too mom, talk soon."

I hang up, grab the baby monitor and head to my bedroom for a power nap. I miss my husband and the days we used to nap together. By about the two month mark, the novelty had worn off a bit and we were very well settled into a comfortable routine. For the next four or five months we lived a blissful existence, a young couple with a beautiful new baby. Sleep was tough to come by, but nap time was a precious commodity. Both exhausted we'd crawl into bed and curl up together. I loved the being able to get completely comfortable snuggled into him, enveloped in his arms again. And after my body finally healed from the trauma of childbirth and we were finally allowed to do more than cuddle many a nap times turned into a little bit more than napping.

**Then**

I am finally starting to feel settled in my new job. It's taken over a month but I've finally found my way, I'm part of the team and I've managed to not be the last person out of the office on a Friday night. I'm heading home as I text my friend Camille and tell her we're hitting the town to celebrate.

Camille: Yes! I can meet up after 9. Doing OkCupid drinks in HSqr at 7. What r u thinking?

Me: Cocktails/dancing. Open to suggestions so think about it and see you 9.

Camille: Kk Love u!

Me: Love you too! Good luck, I have a good feeling about this one!

As soon as I'm off the train I call in my Thai food order. They tell me 45 minutes. This is perfect, just enough time to walk Bea and grab a quick shower. Half an hour later the bell rings and Bea goes nuts, that was fast I think . "It's just the Thai food, you crazy animal." I say and I head out my apartment door. Halfway down the stairs I realize I don't have my wallet; I double back and open my door in time to hear the bell again. _Slow your roll man, what's the hurry,_ I think as I grab my purse. Approaching the door I shout that I'm coming.

"I'm sorry I got halfwa-" I'm apologizing as I open the door, when I realize it's not Thai food. "Jace." I say surprised.

"I'm sorry to just show up like this, it's just, I just…" He stops, seemingly at a loss for words, I stand aside and usher him over the threshold.  
In the light of the hallway I can tell something is wrong, he looks thoroughly beaten down, exhausted. I haven't seen him in over a month, since our weekend on the Vineyard. He was feeling good when we parted ways, rested and ready for the next project thanks to a few hours running lines with me on the beach the day he left. I mentally run down his schedule for the past few weeks, demanding, but nothing he isn't used to. In September he was in LA doing the press rounds for the 3rd Dark Artifices movie and a handful of re-shoots for the 4th. But he's been home in England for the last two weeks for ADR and reshoots on the movie he shot over the summer. We've spoken and emailed almost every day including last night and he seemed fine, excited to dive into the next project. He must have just gotten off the plane, but he hadn't mentioned flying into Boston and he doesn't look like he's here as a fun surprise. He's supposed to be in NYC for his next film, an ensemble story with overlapping vignettes in the vein of Love, Actually. Rehearsals start on Monday with shooting schedule to start late the following week. We were planning on seeing each other next weekend and all I can think is that something is terribly wrong.

"You know you're always welcome, no need to apologize. But what's wrong? Jace, why are you here?" I say ushering him up the stairs to my apartment. I'm walking behind him and I see his head drift forward and shake back and forth. As soon as we are through my door, he drops his bag and turns around, he has that lost look in his eyes that I remember from the beach months ago and in that instant I know it's his grandmother. "Jace…It's ok, come here" I say quietly, unsure of what to do I reach up and pull him into my arms, he wraps his arms around me and hugs me tightly.

"I'm sorry. It's ok, we don't have to talk if you don't want to." I whisper, rubbing his back in an effort to be comforting even though I am still not sure what it is I'm sorry for. I knew she was ill but I didn't think it would happen this quickly; _at least he was there_ I think.

"She said goodbye, Clary. Like she's giving up." He whispers into my hair. "I didn't know where to go and I guess I just-" He's cut off by the bell again, my food.

I feel him stiffen as he pulls away, "I'm sorry, I should have called, you're having company, I can go."

"No!" I correct him quickly, grabbing his arm "It's just Thai food, I was starving and too lazy to cook and lucky for you I almost always over order so I'm willing to share. Make yourself comfortable, and grabs plates if you want." I say trailing my hand down his arm squeezing his hand and looking into his eyes searching for answers. "I'll be right back." I leave before he can argue.

When I return he's sitting on my couch staring off into space, absentmindedly scratching Bea's ears. He is completely in his own world and doesn't even register that I'm back. I stop in the kitchen and grab plates and forks. I pause for a moment and decide to grab a bottle of wine from the fridge. Back in the living room Jace is still on the couch but now he's looking at his phone, powering it off, failing off the grid.

"Do you want to talk about it?" I ask gently as I set the food down.

"I do, but can we just eat first?" He says with a forced smile "I just realized I'm famished"

"Of course." I say with a smile, all I can think to do to make him feel better. "Let's see, Spicy Pad Thai, Thai Rolls, Numtok Beef and Chicken Satay." I run down the contents of the bag. He gives me a look. "Like I said, I have a tendency to over order. I can never decide, I just want bites of everything."

"No judgment," he says, hands up on mock surrender with a small grin. "especially since I am the one reaping the benefits."

We dig in and almost immediately he asks about my new job, an attempt to get me answering instead of questioning. We've talked a bit about via phone and email but we've both been busy and factoring the time change and while we've talk a bit, we haven't had many substantial conversations. As we catch up I realize how much I've missed talking to him. I tell him about my shy nerdy cube-mate, she almost always has a magazine with him on the cover with her at lunch. I joke with him how nice it is that I can keep tabs on him from my little cube. I'm trying to lighten the mood and his slowly relaxing posture and quiet laughs indicate it is working to some degree. I continue and explain how I am pretty sure the director's nosey assistant has the kitchenette bugged or at least has access to security's camera feed, she is way too tuned into office gossip. The gossip being that I'm pretty sure the registrar is sleeping with his assistant. When he asks how I know those two are sleeping together I tell him no one needs that much help making copies and I've caught her give the guy's picture of his wife dirty looks. He finally starts to laugh, just a little. I tell him how I spent over an hour having a ridiculously circular conversation on the phone with a wealthy donor because she's sure she qualifies to join the D.A.R and the Genealogical Society has been less than helpful.

"Wait what's the DAR?" He asks, looking confused.

"The Daughter's of the American Revolution?" I respond "It's, how do I explain it, I guess is a social and service organization, like a sorority, like the Mason's maybe?" I offer, unsure of my answer.

"So why must one qualify?"

"Oh, only those whose forebears fought in the American Revolution qualify; so new members have to show their complete lineage back to 1774. It's kind of crazy when you think about it and how the US is really a country of immigrants. It's one of if not the first really exclusive social clubs." I finish, mostly thinking aloud.

"And she didn't qualify?"

"Not that I could find."

"Do you qualify?" Jace asks.

"Me? No way, on my father's side I'm fourth, maybe fifth generation Scottish. And on my mother's I'm second generation Irish, I actually have an Irish passport through my Grandmother. She felt all her grandkids should take advantage of the fact that we didn't have to be American when we traveled, she used to say that it was 'nice to travel from a country people were rarely angry at.'" I laugh at the memory. After September 11th she started the process to get all of her grandkids Irish passports, she felt it was important for all of us to have somewhere else to go 'just in case, you never know' When Jon enlisted, she told him he was being ridiculous and that there was never any reason for him to join up, the EU would always claim him. She'd always been afraid that the government would reinstate the draft. He explained why he did it, how he felt it was his duty to follow in our father's footsteps and fight for our country, and she was his biggest supporter.

Lost in my reverie, it's a moment before I register that I've struck a nerve. Jace is slumped forward head in hands. "Jace, talk to me." I say gently, putting my hand on his shoulder. He leans back into my hand and looks at me briefly, there's that look again.

"I went to see my granny on my way to the airport, I'd visited her as much as I could while I was over there, but naturally my schedule was demanding." He says with a tinge of bitterness. "I just knew she wasn't well, I knew it, you know? But it was always 'don't you spend one minute worrying about little old me, tell me about this and that, tell me about your next movie, tell me about her.'" _Her?_ I think to myself. "It was all distractions and diversions. Avoiding the issue." I can tell he's getting upset. With each statement the anger in his voice bubbles closer to the surface. The silence stretches for a longer moment than I'd have intended, I'm too caught up in this 'her'. He eventually continues "She said she just wanted 'everything to be like the old times, one last time' she knew I was excited about this project and the last one and she could tell I was really starting to 'find my way' and more than anything she just wants to watch me enjoy it." He stops abruptly, almost spitting out those last words.  
He looks as angry as I've ever seen him, wringing his hands and fuming. I still haven't figured out where this is going, I don't think she's dead but I can't figure out how to ask. I shift my body on the couch so I'm fully facing him, legs crossed in front of me barely an inch from his. I reach over to grab his hands, he starts, for a moment he'd forgotten I was there; I pull his hand onto my lap, softly rubbing circles along the back of his hand with my thumb. He looks at me, eyes and expression unreadable and looks down at our intertwined hands before continuing.

"She wanted to say goodbye," he says softly " She said she knew this was the last time we'd see each other and she wanted to make sure we got a few things straight." He said, laughing sadly in spite of himself. "She told me how proud of me she is and how I have a bright and brilliant future ahead of me to never forget who I am and what I want. She told me that what she admired most is how I never give up on what I want and how I always see the best in people, but to be careful and not to let that get me into trouble, find a nice girl who loves me for me and all of that garbage. Not garbage," he catches himself, his anger has gotten away from him. "I know it's not garbage, you know? But I just kept trying to stop her, tell her this wasn't the last time we'd speak. She told me she knew this wasn't the last time we'd speak, but that some conversations must be had face to face otherwise they're importance is lost and too easily forgotten." He pauses.

"Oh, Jace-"

"I'm just so angry, I'm angry at her and at myself and at my family and that I won't be there for them, for her, for me... But you know she's planned it this way." He finishes, defeated.

"Why- What do you mean?"

"She told me she never wanted me to see the end so that I'll never have memories of her frail and dying."

"Of course not." I say almost to myself. I think about the slow decline of my grandmother. The crushing sadness of watching her health deteriorate, the life draining out of one of the strongest women I knew. For a long time after it was hard to remember her before lung cancer slowly devoured her. Having been through it I understand what his grandmother wants. But I also understand how hard it is to let go even when everything tell you it's time.

"What do you mean?" He questions.

"I just mean that of course she doesn't want you to watch her die, I still think of my grandmother and see the end before I remember the time before. It's so hard to watch the people you love slip away. It's excruciating, it's just so…devastating..." I trail off memories threatening to bubble to the surface. "But I also understand your anger at not being allowed to choose for yourself. But think about it this way," I pause, urging him to look at me, "in this an impossibly inevitable situation the choice was never going to be yours, but at least you got a great goodbye. Which is something a lot of people never get and always regret." I smile at the same time I feel my own tears stinging my eyes. I blink a few times and Jace hugs me. Awkwardly at first, but we shift slightly and suddenly I'm on top of him as close as two people can be. His head is buried in my hair. "And, don't forget you still have some time." I whisper in his ear.

"Thank you, Clary. I just-" He whispers back, hesitating and then squeezing me tighter. "I'm just really...sad and when the plane stopped for the layover in Boston I just had to get off. I needed to see you and I knew I didn't want to be alone in New York right now. I just…needed you." He continues, softly.  
"Jace, you know I'm always here for you. You'll always have me." I offer, as I run my hand over his head.

We stay like that for a long time getting lost in this moment comforting each other. I continue stroking his hair, unsure of what else I can do, if anything. Neither of us is willing to let go. I feel his head turn and his warm breath against my neck before I feel him shift under me a moment later. He leans back to look at me, his eyes open and clear as if he's taking things in, looking at me for the first time and he looks peaceful for the first time all evening. I'm sure my own face is still a mask of concern, without thinking I move my hand from his hair and caress his face, smoothing worry lines I'd never noticed along his brow. He leans into my hand just as my phone signals an incoming text. Instantly the real world comes crashing back as I remember my plans with Camille.

"Shit, I thought I shut that thing off." Jace says as our moment slips away.

"No, it's mine, I'm sorry I completely forgot I told a friend I'd catch a drink." I say reaching for my phone. Jace looks at me curiously and I continue "She's probably wondering where I am." disappointment evident in my voice as I situate myself back on the couch. "I completely lost track of time."

I grab my phone, it's just past 8. I still have time "she's pushing me to 9:30." I say relieved that she's not sitting in a bar alone. "Should I just cancel?" I wonder aloud still looking at my phone as thought it'll have the answer.

"Don't," Jace says quietly. "Don't cancel on my account, I'm the one who's turned up unexpectedly and tried to monopolize your evening." He says, letting me off the hook.

"I wasn't-" I start. What am I trying to say "I just I called her earlier, I wanted to celebrate the fact that I'm finally settling into the new job. She had a blind date so it was a perfect exit strategy. Apparently it's going we'll though, she's gonna stay for another round. I could probably rain check." I say, looking at him, trying to decide, hopeful that he'll help me decide.

"Seriously, don't on my account, I'm exhausted, now that the adrenaline of the day has worn off I'm just drained." He says leaning into the couch, defeated.

"Are you sure? I mean you could come if you wanted to."_ if you want your picture all over Perez __tomorrow__ after hanging out in Harvard bars_. I finish in my head.

"Maybe next time," he says with a lazy smile" I think I need to sleep, I should call a cab."

"No cabs" I say gently. "Stay here, you're already here and comfortable, under the radar. But do me a favor and call Alison and let her know you alive but you off the grid till whenever."

"Are you sure?" Jace asks

"Of course," I tell him "in fact I'd prefer it, knowing you're here safe, instead of getting in a cab trying to find a hotel. Make yourself at home and we can do something fun tomorrow to take your mind off of things."

He smiles at me "Oh? What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know something normal people do on a Saturday." What do normal people do on a Saturday in the fall. I think to myself. "It's been a long time since I've been a normal Saturday person myself. It'll be a adventure, so it should probably start with pancakes." I say with a smile as I turn to leave a get ready to meet Camille.

By the time I'm heading out the door Jace is out cold on the couch. I leave an extra set of keys by the door next to Bea's leash just in case.

* * *

Cami's already there when I arrive.

"Sorry," I say as make my way to her. "Sorry sorry sorry." I continue, leaning into give kiss her on the cheek.

"It's cool," she says "what's up your frazzled?"

Always to the point "uh, long story." I say, deflecting. "But you first, you stayed for an extra drink!?" I marshall the enthusiasm to throw her off my scent. She doesn't normally stay for two drinks and when she gets talking about her adventures in singledom she rarely stops, with any luck I won't have a chance to get to far into my long story.

"His name is Scott and he is solid gold." She dives right in and tells me all about him. I laugh to myself because he was cute and persistent so I talked her into going out him. His dating profile was not as contrived and witty as the guys Cami usually lets by her a drink but he seemed like a nice honest guy who is interested in the same things she is. And it seems I was right, they even have a friend in common. I haven't seen her get this giddy about a first date in ages, she is absolutely gushing. At the end of the night they exchanged numbers and planned to get the together again early-mid next week, depending on her schedule and she can hardly wait to check it. We talk for a good 30-45 minutes and the conversation is relatively one sided. After I order a second cocktail my mind starts to wander back to my apartment, to Jace and our interrupted moment. But what was interrupted? In the months since we met I've come to regard hi good friend, I'm not sure what it is, but I do know I'm comfortable with him and can tell him everything. Perhaps it's simply that most of our interaction is virtual perhaps it's because he's a larger than life movie star, but I've never really thought about us as more than friends, until tonight, until the faint pang of jealousy (what else came you call it?) at the mention of "her" pointed it out to me.

"Ok, you're turn, you've stopped listening to me," Cami interrupts "so now you start talking."

How do I talk about this without revealing anything? I think. "Ok so you know the friend I re-connected with back in the spring?" I ask.

"MMF? Yes. Continue." Mystery Man Friend, what she taken to calling Jace in absence of a real name.

"So you know we talk a lot, text, phone, email, I've never really thought about moving past being friends I just don't see it work-"

"I've been telling you since the Vineyard that you're going about this wrong, why wouldn't it work?" She interrupts "You're friendship works better than half - no three-quarter of the significant relationships I've had. What makes you think it wouldn't work as a full on relationship? And, more importantly why all of a sudden is it on your mind?"

"Cause he's the reason I ran late."

"Wait. What?" interrupted again "What happened? And we're gonna need another round"

"Oh my god Cami, head out of the gutter! He's on his way to NYC for work and he kind of going through something and detoured here. He just wanted to kind of fall off the grid and talk to someone for a minute so he just turned up."

"At your apartment?"

"Yea, we had dinner and talked and I just felt," I pause

"Wait, is he still there?" She interrupts, clearly angling for the intro.

Now I'm going to have to lie, "No he's on a train to NYC. I just don't know what to think arg! Like, it wouldn't work right? He's got a super-demanding job where he barely spends 2 months in one place and he's got loads of people pushing him and pulling him in all these different directions. I just don't know if I can be a part of that or if I want to be a part of that? Maybe I'm just misreading things…" I trail off, suddenly exhausted.

Cami flags down the waitress and gestures for another round. "I mean, what I'd say is that he can't live this life forever. _You have no idea._ So why not just be open to whatever happens. You don't want to miss out on something great being scared of what-ifs. Clary I know you, better than most, I know you well enough to know you've sat here the whole time imagining a variety of worst case scenarios, but you probably haven't spent one minute thinking about the infinite possibilities, you're young, you have time to try this if you want to. Don't worry so much about where it's going so much as the adventure it'll take you on." She finishes, as the waitress is dropping our drinks.

I can't argue with what she's saying, its sound logic, and she's right, if allowed the opportunity I can talk myself out of anything. Maybe I just need to see where this takes me and be open to is. "So you're saying just be open to it, whatever it is." I muse.

"Exactly!" Cami says, too excitedly, tipsy excitedly. "Be open to it!" She laughs and raises her glass to clink mine.

We finish off our drinks and continue to chat about nothing in particular. By the time we done we're both a little tipsy, and briefly consider going to another bar that may have music but decide against it. We open the door to the sidewalk and an instantly sobering blast of cold air hits us and after considering our transportation options we decide to make our way to the cab-stand.

"Two stops." I tell the cabbie, "First is the corner of Mass Ave and Crane."

"So when are you seeing MMF next." She asks.

_In about five minutes_ "Next weekend I think. Why?" I answer

"Just curious, I wanted to know how long you'd have to obsess and psych yourself out." She says grinning.

"Oh shut up, I'm not going to over think it, mostly because I don't have time to I'm just going to see where it leads and take it from there." I say as the cab pulls over to the curb. As I'm getting out of the cab Cami yells "remember be open!" I laugh as I climb the steps to my apartment.

I walk in and everything is as I left it, Jace has barely moved a muscle. What am I going to do with him? Bea is curled up next to him on the couch looking up at me.

"Come on Bea, quick walk" I say grabbing her leash and walking towards her she jumps off the couch. Outside I strategize. I decide I'll put him in the bed then make up the couch and sleep there. We return to the apartment and Bea runs over to the couch and jumps up onto Jace. He jumps up, barely awake.

"Bea NO!" I say too loudy but it's already too late.

Jace orients himself and grabs Bea to scratch her ears still half asleep, yawning. "When are you leaving? How long have I been out?" He says through another yawn.

"I've gone and returned, you've been out a few hours. C'mon, time for a location change, you can't be comfortable." I say as I step out of my shoes and extend my hand.

Wordlessly he grabs my hand, he pulls himself up and follows me into the bedroom. I silently vow to start making the bed as I start to push the selection of dog toys onto the floor and spread out pillows, extracting one to bring with me back to the couch. Jace sits on the edge of the bed, untying his shoes before toeing them off and unzipping his jeans. I can't help but giggle, thanks to the gin and tonics.

"What? Jeans are among the worst clothes to sleep in, second only to a tuxedo." He says sleepily

"No arguments here, I'm just surprised you didn't wait for me to leave."

"Well it's hardly different than a bathing suit. Wait where are you going?" he asks through a yawn.

"To change and then out to the couch, you can have the bed." I say with a smile just as Bea jumps up to claim her space.

"No, I should go to the couch, it's your house, your bed, I'm the guest, you stay here," he says.

"You're the guest and should therefore be comfortable," the couch is too small for him to be comfortable.

"Tell you what, there's no reason for either of us to be on uncomfortable," grabbing my hand as he lays down "the beds plenty big enough, stay here." He says yawning again, not letting go of my hand.

Be open to it Clary, I think "fair enough, I'll be right back." I say giving his hand a squeeze before releasing it.

* * *

I wake up warm and tangled in sheets and limbs. I spend a moment taking in the situation. Jace is in my bed, and I am wrapped up in his arms, from his slow and measured breathing I am sure he's still asleep. How did we end up like this, tangled and entwined, we definitely started on separate sides of the bed I think to myself as I glance at my alarm clock and see that is still early and more importantly it the same distance from my pillow as always, Jace reached for me in the night, I think with a smile. I lay there for a few more minutes, pondering how comfortable it is in Jace's arms, how well the contours of our bodies fit, like puzzles pieces. I turn my head to muffle a soft giggle in my pillow, he stirs and squeezes me tighter, burying his face in my hair and I hear a faint sigh. I stay like that and doze for another 20 minutes or so, when the clock ticks to eight I carefully extract myself and make my way to the kitchen to start coffee and breakfast. Once the coffee is brewed and the batter is resting, I hear the familiar sound of the bed creaking and sheets rustling, Jace is stirring. I mix 2 cups of coffee and make my way to the bedroom.

"Mmmm, where'd she go?" I hear Jace query, perhaps to Bea. I open the door and stand in the doorway offering him coffee. "Yes, please and good morning to you." He returns the smile, reaching for the coffee.

"How'd you sleep?" I say perching on the edge of the bed.

"Well, very well actually, I feel more rested then I have in ages." He says. "Thank you, and you, I didn't hog the bed did I?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Now **

"But when's Auntie Emma coming. I wanna see her." Eli says, protesting sleep.

"Babygirl, we already talked about this. Do you remember how long it takes to get from Boston to London." She woke from her nap and tore through the house thinking Emma would be here, when Em was nowhere to be found I pulled up a map on the computer screen and we looked at how far she needed to travel. "She'll be here when you wake up tomorrow."

"It's really far,"Eli says, her face scrunched as she thinks it through. " Do you promise?"

"Of course I do sweetheart." Eli spent the better part of the afternoon making all kinds of pictures for her aunt and planning a tea party just for the two of them, it was all pretty adorable. "Sleep well angel, I love you." I say as I finish tucking her in planting a kiss on her forehead.

* * *

I check my watch, twenty after seven, still no word from my sister, but there's good chance she hasn't evne landed yet. I turn on the TV in the kitchen and busy myself making a wheat-berry salad for dinner. There's not much happening in the world, a couple of stations are dissecting Jace's Today Show interview. For the most part people seem as respectful as you'd expect, but it seems there are also haters out there. I know I shouldn't let this stuff get to me but at the same time it's tough to hear people talk about me as if I'm Rochester's insane first wife, a ranting crazy women he felt compelled to keep locked away in the attic. The woman are, to some degree, kinder. Older women seem to have recognized the adoration in the way Jace talks about us. Younger women are a mix of understanding and lamenting the opportunity they missed, not realizing they'd never have had the opportunity. I'd bet good money that the dividing line between the two types of younger women would be in direct correlation with popularity in High School. Everyone it seems is trying to figure out who exactly I am they flash some possibilities, mined from Facebook, on the screen little do they know I haven't used Facebook in years.

I decide I can't keep watching this, I turn on some music instead and finish prepping dinner, I finish cutting vegetables and decide to marinate some chicken, Emma may or may not want it (only sometimes is chicken considered meat in her mind) but I need it and just as I am pondering this question my phone buzzes.

Em: hey big sis, just off the plane see you in however long it takes to go through customs and baggage.

Me: sounds good, hon. I'm here just making dinner. Chicken or no chicken for you?

Em: Chicken! Pleeease! I'm starving, you know I don't eat plane food!

Me: lol. Yes I do, you taking a cab or did they organize a car?

Em: you're husband is way to thoughtful to make ME take a cab. That Mary chick sent me all the car info.

Me: how right you are. See you in a bit.

I finish the dishes and decide I have at least half an hour. To myself and decide To take Bea out back and throw the ball. She's not as spry as she used to be but she still loves chasing a tennis ball. I grab the baby monitor and my cell phone and head out to the garden. As we play fetch I can;t help but reminisce, Jace and I spent a lot of time planing and planting when we first moved here. When we first were stranded here we rented a flat a few streets over, I wasn't sure I'd want to stay, but it grew on me. When this house came on the market, sheer curiosity lead me to call the real estate agent and request a walk through. We'd walked past it's my times going to and from the park or the shops and I'd always wanted to know what lay beyond the wall and hedge. It was owned by a Dutch businessman who'd kept it up beautifully but was barely in residence. We moved when Eli was ten months old and that summer we spent all our time in the garden. Last season, we both got busy with work and when I noticed the jungle creeping back in we hired gardener a to come twice a week to maintain the work we'd done. I was adamant they make as few changes as possible, it's laid out exactly as we want it, with a patio and flower beds but also a lush patch of grass for Bea and Eli to run and roll. It's by no means the formal English garden you'd expect to find adjoining this house, but like many things Jace and Clary Herondale, upon closer examination it actually makes perfect sense.

Once Bea has had her fill of exercise I head back in to set the table and pour the wine, soon I hear a knock on the front door. I hurry to the door before Emma decides I didn't hear it and uses the doorbell, which will most definitely wake Eli up.

"I hear you're in need of a nanny for two adorable children," Says Emma, poorly quoting Mary Poppins in an atrocious English accent, "Well one and a half." She corrects as she walks through the door. "How's it going big sis? You don't look any different." she says playfully.

"No, I certainly don't look 8 months pregnant." I say giving Emma a hug

"No, you definitely look like you're about to pop. I mean you don't look any different now that you're famous."

"I'm not famous and you just wait till you're knocked up, you will not even be able to deal. Remind me why did I invite you?" I joke.

"You didn't you're lovely Oscar winning actor husband did cause he was worried you'd need back up and he knows I don't have a life. The brightside to this is that people will now believe me when I tell them I know Jace, the Jace Herondale, swoon." She jokes as she faux swoons.

"You tell people and they don't believe you? How? Why?"

"It's usually in the context of 'you know he's really not as bad as you think, he's just a dude trying to do his job and live his life, you'd be surprised how kind and thoughtful he actually is'" she parrots what sound like a long practiced script. "But really, how are you and Eli doing? How's the baby? How are you feeling?" She says, all business.

"I'm good, just feeling fat and tired. Of all the times for Jace to drop the bomb, he had to do it when I barely fit through the front door. I'd always hoped for more of a 'and who is the vision of perfection on your arm and who is she wearing'"I say, only half kidding.

"Stop, right there." Emma scolds, rolling her eyes "you are like a super hot pregnant lady, most women walk around 8 months pregnant and wish they looks as good as you. Very little ankle swelling, and you're carrying almost completely in the front so from the back you don't even look pregnant and you barely waddle. And seriously, pregnant women never actually seem to see how good they look, your skin is glowing your hair looks so full and healthy, I'd almost get myself knocked up for that alone."

I can't help but laugh, logically I know she's right, I've thought that about other women in the past. Izzy, who's a bombshell in the first place with confidence to spare, is barely out her first trimester and already starting to waddle, but I think she's glowing and doesn't at all look bloated. Of course when we had lunch last week she berated me for a full 5 minutes accusing me of mis-representing pregnancy. So I guess it's all in the eye of the beholder and I'm glad this is what the world sees, cause its not how I feel.

"You just wait." I warn. "That may be how I look, but it's not how I feel. How was the flight? You hungry, dinners just about ready and wines on the table."

"Flight was fine, slept thru most of it. I was at Helen's Oscar party when Jace called last night when I realized I was getting on a plane at 7:30 I decided to skip sleep so I'd be exhausted on the plane. A few of us went out and then Julian and I went back to my place and you know, killed time." She says with a coy smile.

I smile back "Julian, huh, how's that going?"

"It's good, like really good I think, I mean we haven't talked about anything and we sort of just dove in head first but I feels right, you know? Of course you know. I do wonder if we're too young though. Val thinks I am."

Julian Blackthorn had been Emma's best friend for just about their entire lives, his family used to live across the street from us, the two meet in Gymboree and were immediately inseparable. When they were in the 6th grade Julian's dad got a job as headmaster of a fancy private school on the west coast and the family moved. Emma and Julian were crushed but they remained pen pals and our families managed to coordinate a few overlapping vacations to soften the blow. By high school they were still in touch, but in that way you are as interests evolve and friends drift apart. I once asked Emma if she was sorry they'd lost touch and she was horrified at the suggestion. She told me that they were absolutely still the best of friends it didn't matter that they spoke less frequently. Their friendship didn't require routine maintenance, they could pick up exactly where they left off and never let the phone go to voicemail. I might not have believed it had I not seen it in action when we unexpectedly crossed paths with the Blackthorns during a college info weekend at Boston College, neither expected the other to be there but it didn't matter they were both excited to find the other. When they ended up there together the following year Jon, Val and I actually placed bets on how long it would be before they hooked up. But none if us were right, they both happily dated other people all through college until Julian worked up the nerve to tell Emma how he really felt after a drink to many at they're joint graduation party. That was about a year ago, they've taken in slow in someways, (They've decided not to live together yet, Emma lives with her two college roommates in a cramped apartment in Brighton and Julian is in a similar situation in Allston. ) and thrown caution to the wind in others, I think they jumped into bed together about 3 minutes after try decided to try dating.

"You're not too young to be doing what your doing, Ems." I say, authoritatively. "You're too young to decide to get married and have babies tomorrow, but as long as your happy and this relationship isn't holding you back, you're not too young." I say as I finish plating dinner.

"That's what I think, I'm a little nervous about Med-school though, what if I have to, like go to Iowa?"

"Emma Garroway, top of her pre-med class at BC isn't likely to end up in Iowa. But if you do, you'll make the decision you need to. Did you actually apply to Iowa?" I ask, surprised by that information.

"Well no, I didn't apply to anything further west than Chicago. But you never know where you'll end up." She says as she bypasses the table and goes for the couch.

I follow her grabbing the and two glasses of wine on my way by. "It's like, well we don't really talk about it, he's supportive, but whenever the topic of next year comes up he always holds back." She says

"Holds back how?" I ask

"He just isn't interested in thinking that far ahead, and saying he'll follow me anywhere, which isn't what I want, you know? I couldn't tell him that, so why should I expect it? But it worries me. It's not that I think I'm wasting time, I've got plenty of time. But what if I'm getting too attached? Uh! I just want to fucking know where I'm going to be next year and what I'm going to be doing. I'm sorry." Emma says frowning.

I smile, "Ems, I'm sure Jules is just as nervous as you are, which is why he doesn't like to bring it up. You'll be fine, it's the not knowing that drives you crazy. Once you hear regardless of where the news sends you, you'll feel a lot better simply because you'll be able to plan and you can involve Julian as much as you want to. This has been your dream for a while so don't lose sight of it, ok? And don't apologize, it's really nice to listen to someone else's problems after last night and today. Everyone's called to ask if I'm ok and talk through my worries, which is lovely of all of them. But at the same time it's exhausting and I feel like a jerk telling people 'oh woe is me, my husbands a famous actor whatever will we do?' Talk about first world problems."

"Well, they are first world, but they're also yours and honestly anybody who tells you you're being ungrateful or whatever has no idea what's it's like to live your life, so fuck 'em. I certainly don't envy you, but at the same time I'm not worried because if anyone can handle it it's you and Jace. This is amazing by the way." She says referring to the food.

"Thanks, Em. Do you think it's crazy to just ignore this development and continue living as if nothing's changed?"

"I mean, I think you can try. But I think you'll be forced into adjusting. People are fucked up and seeing is believing. My friend Suzanne? Who never believed I knew him was like shocked. I showed her a picture of the three of you from Christmas and she basically told me to shut the fuck up she didn't buy it. I don't really get it, it's weird but it was like she felt betrayed. People are invested in Jace. Not only are they gonna want to see you, but I think they're gonna have to see you and if you pretend nothing's changed I just don't think it'll work."

"You sound, like Johnny,"

"You've talked to him?"

"Not today. I think he knows better than to try that on me, but I'd bet he called Jace though. He emailed me. He's ridiculous, he needs to leave work at work and not worry so much." He, like many well educated retired marine works in personal security, specifically kidnap and ransom. He evaluates targets and risk for a living and he has a hard time shutting it off, If it's possible Johnny is more concerned about my anonymity than anyone else.

"He's concerned and legitimately so, he worries about crazy fans and stalkers. I'm surprised he hasn't called you with a laundry list of emergency protocol." She pauses. "Hey, Clar, I wasn't trying to upset you." She says empathetically.

"No, I know you didn't, and I do think you're right, no one else has really been willing to put it to me like that." I capitulate. Emma is wise beyond her years and almost too smart for her own good. When you ask for her opinion you'd better be ready for a bitter truth that maybe tough to swallow. She's very practical and perceptive and, at 23, young enough to be plugged in. "I just wish Jace was here, I know we'll figure it out, I just want him here so we can figure it out together." I feel my eyes well with tears. "Friggin hormones!" I say angrily, trying to laugh.

"Do you remember how weepy you were, like constantly with Eli? Everyone was always carrying around a box of tissues cause we never knew what was gonna set you off. TV show, TV commercial, Courtney Cox and David what's his name breaking up?"

"I thought they we're gonna make it," I laugh through tears.

"Didn't we all, the point is this will all be fine. When's Jace due home?"

"Probably 4 or 5 am." I respond. "God I miss him. Fucking hormones." I add, almost to myself as I wipe my tears on my napkin.

"Girl, you know you just want to get that boy in your bed and do unthinkable things to him. Don't you blame those perfectly innocent hormones for the fact that your a total nympho."

At that I burst out laughing, not crying anymore, she knows me well. "I am not!" I say indignant.

"Please, I know your secrets! I still can't look at elevators the same way, I'm surprised you don't have 6 kids already."

"I should never have to told that." I laugh

"Oh but you did. And all it took was a few cocktails. So what's the plan for tomorrow? I'm assuming you want me to occupy the baby?" Emma offers.

"I'm not sure there's a plan, I have a standing lunch and mani-pedi date with Izzy, normally that's Jace and Eli time, but I imagine we'll talk it through at breakfast."

"I'm not sure I see you making it to breakfast." Emma said, giving me a look "How about this, I can totally take Eli for as much of the day as you guys want. You guys should just relax in the morning and sleep in, I'm not gonna sleep late anyway with the time change. I'll get her up and get breakfast and then we can do a museum or the zoo or something. If we see you we see you if we don't we'll touch base whenever you get up."

"That sounds good. Can't be sure it'll work but you are welcome to try" I say.

We continue dinner and talking. It feel great to have Emma with me, with my little sister it's easy to back-burner everything that's going on. She fills me in on the goings on back home and the gossip about Johnny's new girlfriend, evidently he's enamored, Mom and Luke like her but for whatever reason Valentina can't stand her. Emma thinks she's nice enough she just shy. Apparently she had a hard time jumping in at family dinner a few weeks ago, which Val decided was shady, while Em just thinks she was overwhelmed by our family, which is entirely possible.

"I thought she was really sweet, I tried to get her talking, but she just wasn't overly chatty. I suspect she comes from a very different probably much smaller family. I'm reserving final judgement till I've had more of a chance to get to know her. And I told Val to do the same. Clar, you should see the way he looks at her, they haven't been together long but it wouldn't surprise me if they're planning a wedding this time next year."

"Interesting." I say, trying to picture my vaguely, commitment phobic brother committing to someone.

"I know, he told me he's thinking about bringing her when he visits in May. She obvi doesn't know yet, he wants to be sure before he invites her to spend two weeks abroad visiting the famous side of his family."

"Soon enough it won't matter, he should fill her in before TMZ does."

"I think it's more that he's be burned in the past, remember that girl who just couldn't understand why she could live tweet Thanksgiving dinner with Jace? She was awful, god what was her name?"

"Jesselyn or something? She was awful, I was so surprised he'd brought her home in the first place!"

We continue to laugh until I start to fade and it's time for sleep, I set Emma up in the guest room, wish her sweet dreams and crawl into my big empty bed, dreaming about how it won't be empty much longer.

* * *

**Then**

As the train glides past Providence I can't keep the smile from creeping onto my face. I can't wait to see Jace. Last weekend's weekend of normalcy was perfect and provided me with some much needed clarity in terms of our relationship. We went apple picking. Something Jace had never done. The best part? Not one person recognized him. He was more surprised than I was; it was the ultimate country bumpkin orchard. But it couldn't have worked out more perfectly, a day spent in anonymity was exactly what the doctor ordered. The lightness in his step- in his whole demeanor- was a sight to behold. After filling him in on apple picking as a time honored New England tradition and Johnny Appleseed's exploits he might have been more excited than I was the first time I ran through that orchard as a kid. We just laughed and played and enjoyed the day, without having to worry about a thing. After the second time I'd slipped on fallen apples Jace decided I couldn't be trusted to traverse the orchard unaided and I spent much of the rest of the morning protectively tucked into his side, that is until he fell and dragged me down with him. We collapsed in a pile laughing hysterically as half of our carefully picked apples started to roll away. He scurried over to right the bag and save the apples before laying back down in the grass next to me, propped on his elbow looking at me.

"How do you do it?" He asked.

"What? Trip constantly and not end up in the hospital? It's a gift." I joke, not knowing what he meant but knowing it wasn't that.

"How do you know exactly what I need and how are you able to just give it to me, no strings attached? And why- why do you do it?"

There's a sense of wonder in his voice that I can only attribute to the lightness in his mood.

"Because I care about you." I say simply, turning my head to look at him, reaching up smoothing his worry lines again.

"I care about you too." He says with a smile. And at the moment we hear a strained honk, a tractor pulling the hayride is trying to get us out of the road we didn't even realize we were blocking. Jace jumps up and offers a hand "M'lady?" He says with a smirk. I offer him my hand, and he takes it, kissing the back of my palm before pulling me up. He scooped up the apple bag and lead me towards the Cortlands, never letting go of my hand.

Back at my apartment, we make an apple pie and call it dinner. While the pie bakes Jace asks to use my computer and tells me he wants me to meet his granny. I'm just glad to hear he ready to talk to her. He fires up Skype and I give him a bit of privacy for the first part of the conversation citing a need to turn the pie. As I finish cleaning up our baking mess I eavesdrop, just a little, they're mostly chatting, I hear him apologize for being angry and not calling home when he landed yesterday and ask her how she feels. She tells him she better now, she'd felt bad about upsetting him. He rebuffs her apology, and apologizes again for acting so poorly. She consoles him gently and changes the subject as she notices he's clearly not in a hotel room. He explains that he detoured to Boston to visit me, how he just needed some peace and quiet and a friend. "A friend?" I hear his granny question "And to which friend are you referring young man?" She teases.  
I hear Jace give a mumbled answer that includes my name and I use that as my cue I wander into the living room careful to say out of the camera sight line until I'm invited.

"Ah, the infamous Clary, I'm glad you were able to go to her, dear. She sounds lovely." I hear as I appear in the living room.  
I smile and blush, it's nice to know he talks about me to his family and after today I'm beginning to think I am the 'her' that I spent so much time worrying about last night. He looks at me and smiles awkwardly; I see the tips of his ears turn tomato red as he asks if she would like to meet me.

"She's there now? Jace, why didn't you say that in the first place?"

I sit down next to him "Hello, Mrs. Herondale, is lovely to meet you, well virtually meet you I guess. I've heard so much about you from Jace" I say smiling for the camera.  
"Lovely to meet you too, dear, Jace has told me such wonderful things about you. And please call me Imogen"

She is more or less exactly what I expect of Jace's little British granny, she petite and you can tell a bit more frail than she'd like to be, but there's still a spark in her bright green eyes. I see Jace in her delicate features and I can tell in her day she was a strikingly beautiful woman. It's clear as we chat that Jace talks about me, she laughs easily as she teases me about the Boston Historical Society and the DAR. She suggests that if I want real history I visit England, where they've got a few thousand years worth instead of a mere few hundred of it. She asks about my studies and inquires about my new job; I tell her about my area of focus and my Graduate thesis and assure her I am settling into work and enjoying it. A few minutes into our chat Jace's cell phone buzzes and he excuses himself.

"So how is he really?" she asks candidly and conspiratorially, concern etched in the lines of her face.

"He's better today than he was yesterday." I answer honestly. "He was upset, but we talked a lot and I think he understands the situation and where you're coming from but it's one thing to understand these things rationally and quite another to appreciate them emotionally. He seems mostly stressed about not being able to be closer."  
"I wish he wouldn't be so concerned with the distance, all I want for him in life is to follow his dreams and if that takes him around the world, all the better. I'm sure you've noticed that family is one of the most important things to him but, he shouldn't worry about me, I'm at the end of my life and it's been a wonderful life, Jace's life is just beginning and he should be out there enjoying it. I'm just grateful he still has the good sense to phone home and tell be about his travels and exploits, it's kept me young. I'm also grateful that Jace found you, you're a lovely girl my dear."  
"Thank you, Mrs. Herondale. Jace is a wonderful person in an impossible situation, I'm glad I can be there for him and I'm glad I found him too, we have a great time together, we just- click." I finish after a moment, grinning to myself.  
"Well, I'm glad he is in good hands, and you'll take good care of him?"  
"Of course I will." I answer with a smile just as Jace walks back in apologizing.  
The three of us chat a few more minutes until Granny says she's tired and wants a nap. I thank her again for the wonderful chat and tell her how lovely it was to meet her and head towards the kitchen to check on the pie. Later, as the sun begins to set I offer to show him a bit more of my neighborhood and we take Bea on a long walk. When it's time for bed there's no discussion, we crawl into bed and I am suddenly exhausted. He pulls me to him and I feel the warmth and security I felt this morning as he nestles his face in my hair and whispers more thanks into my ear as I drift off to sleep.

**  
My phone vibrates and I'm roused from my reverie and grinning like an idiot.  
Jack: ETA?

Me: Supposed to be into Penn by 9:40. Will let you know if we are delayed.

Me: How was your day?

I want to say how excited I am to see him and how much I miss him. But I stop myself, we've talked everyday this week, sometimes more than once, so I know he's as excited for this weekend as I am. But I'm also nervous, for all of the progress I think we made last weekend our goodbye was remarkably chaste. I am more comfortable with the idea of being more than friends with Jace and unless I am completely mis-reading signals he feels the same way but I still haven't even kissed him. So for all of last weekend's reassurance, my mind won't let go of lingering doubts.

Jack: Excellent. I'm excited to see you.

Jack: Day was fine. We're running behind so I may not be able to meet you. If I can't I'll send a car for you and I'll meet you at the hotel. A few castmates want to hit the town tonight. Interest?

Interesting, I'm surprised he's interested. Every paparazzo worth their salt knows Jace is in NYC filming and all of them are angling for pics of him.

Me: It's your call.

Jack: Could be fun, I want you to meet them and we'll have a private room as to control exposure.

Me: I'm always up for fun. :)

I'm just glad I thought to bring an outfit. Well, Camille thought to send me with an outfit. She was sure my jet setting mystery man had plans that would require more than jeans and insisted on a shopping trip last night after work. Perhaps she was right and I'm glad I have a killer outfit to show for it.

Jack: Excellent. I have to get back to set. See you soon.

The conversation has calmed my nerves, knowing he's excited to see me and introduce me to friends is excites me but not in a nervous way. I manage to doze a bit as the train whisks me through Connecticut, waking just as the train is passing New Rochelle. Next stop Penn Station.

Me: Next stop Penn!

Jack: I got caught up, but I'm headed into the city now. There should be a car there by now, you'll know it when you see it. I gave them a name. They'll know where to take you.

"A name" I whisper to myself.

As I come up the escalator and make my way towards the taxi stand I see the line of black towncars and head in that direction. Each has a piece of paper in the passenger windshield with a name on it, I scan for a name I recognize, my name, his name and I'm not seeing anything. I'm about to call him when I see the second to last car. 'Ms. C. Appleseed' on the placard in the window, I giggle to myself as I knock on the window. The driver jumps out and come around to take my bag an open my door.

"Clary?" he asks.

"Yes, thank you" I answer. In moments we're headed up town. I have no idea where we are going, Jack insisted on picking up the tab for the weekend and I know most of the cast is being put up in rented houses on Long Island until they're done filming in the Hamptons. The car turns off of 5th Avenue and pulls halfway down the block to an industrial looking building, for a moment I am concerned.

"The Hudson Hotel, miss, I'll be right around to get your door." The driver says, perhaps sensing my trepidation.

I make my way to the main desk looking around. This place is far trendier than I am, I silently thank Lena for helping me pack and talking me into the butter soft brown leather jacket and over priced fedora I am currently wearing. For once I fit right in.

"Welcome to the Hudson. How can I help you?"

"Thank you. I'm just checking in."

"Excellent, do you have the credit card you used to book?"

"No, I'm sorry, a friend made the arrangements for me." I say with a frown.

"Of course, that's not a problem, what's your name?"

"Clary," I say, stalling, what name would he put it under, surely not my real name. "Appleseed?" I finish. It's not a question but it sounds like one.

"Yes of course. You're booked with us through Monday morning? With an early check out and a car to the station? Is that correct."

I smile, he thinks of everything. "It is, thank you."

"Excellent, you're in Suite 430, the Bellman will be over shortly to help you with your bags." She explains as she passes me the room key.

"Thank you, no need for the Bellman, I don't have much." I say, smiling as I walk to the elevator.

I find my room easily and it's lovely. I kick of my shoes and flop into the plush bed, a moment later I hear a knock. I peek out the peephole and see nothing. Another knock. I realize that it's coming from the door that adjoins this room to the next. There's only one person that can be. I open the door and can't contain myself, I actually squeal with delight as I jump into Jace's arms.

"Mmmm," I hum as he wraps his arms around my waist, lifting me off the floor "I missed you." I say, not fully realizing it until now.

"I missed you too," He says gently setting me down and leaning back to look in my eyes. "I'm so happy you're here." He smiles as his fingers brush my temple. And before I even realize it's happening, he kisses me. It's gentle and tentative and in need of encouragement, I smile into his lips and kiss him back. All too soon, he pulls away and rests his forehead on mine.

"I'm sorry, but I've wanted to do that ever since I didn't do it last week."

"Nothing to apologize for, I couldn't agree more." I say with a smile as I lean up to kiss him again. This time it's still gentle but less tentative, more intimate. Kissing Jace feels like coming up for air even if I hadn't realized I was holding my breath, something I was missing without knowing it. I don't want to stop but I force myself break away and lean into him hugging him tightly and burying my face in his neck. I inhale deeply getting lost in his scent, lemons and soap and something unique to him. I feel him bury his face in my hair and do the same. I kiss his neck and murmur "you'd better be careful, a girl could get used to this."

"That's good to know. That means I'm doing everything right" He says, before capturing my lips again.

We stay that way, entwined and exploring each other's mouths for what feel like hours but is certainly only minutes. Somehow as we kiss I end up with my back against the door that connects our rooms, my hands roaming his face and neck and tangling in his mop of dirty blond hair. He leans into me, one arm around my waist, securing me to him, while the other arms rests against the door behind me, keeping his weight off me. The sensation is overwhelming, my heart is racing and my mind starts to try and catch up. Involuntarily I wrapped one arm around his neck and put one hand between us on his stomach, before I have a chance to think about what I'm doing I steer him towards the bed. I feel him sit and I climb onto his lap, as if I'm unconsciously creating the ending for our interrupted moment last weekend. His hands roam up and down my back squeezing at my sides and gently pulling fist fills of my hair as he holds me to him. In an instant I know where this will go if I let it, and I want to. I want to feel his skin on mine, taste every part of him, but not yet. The rational side of my Jace-drunk brain chimes in reminding me that this is still new, this is only the beginning I need to slow down. I gently guide our kiss from passionate to tender before I finally pull away. I smile putting my forehead to his, his eye are closed and he is breathing deeply. My hands are on either side of his neck, the fingertips of one playing with a stray lock of hair while the thumb of my other traces the line of his jaw. I watch his expression as he licks his lips and smiles before opening his eyes.

"After last week I wondered if I'd ever get to do that." He marvels. "I'm sorry I was getting carried away." He apologizes, ever the gentleman.

I tilt my head to the side and softly kiss him again, quickly and careful to maintain control you have nothing to apologize for." I whisper. "But I imagine we need to get out of here soon if we're gonna make drinks with your friends and to much more of this." I punctuate the sentence with a quick kiss. "And this." I offer a softer more languid kiss that borders on teasing. "And we'd never get out of here." I finish as I carefully get off Jace's lap and get off the bed. "So tell me what's the plan?" I ask as I grab his hand drawing him up with me and moving him towards the door.

He tells me that we're going to a private invite only cocktail bar downtown. It's small and he and his friends have the place for the night, no outsiders and no cameras. A cars picking him up at the back entrance at 11:30 and they'll swing around the front to pick me up. I giggle at the subterfuge involved in a simple night out and wonder if it's really necessary but all I do is ask about a dress code, he's going to these lengths to protect me and who can argue with that. In classic boy fashion he has no opinion of what I should wear; I laugh and tell him I'll figure something out. I glance at my watch and realize it's already 10:30, I need to freshen up and change. I reach up to kiss him again and tell him I'll see him in an hour out front. I smile coyly as I close my door behind me.  
I queue up some music and jump in the shower to wash the train off, and hopefully steam a few wrinkles out of my dress for tonight. I straighten my hair and put on some makeup before slipping into my outfit. It's actually pretty perfect; it's a funky brown and white pattern in a sleek cut that's sexy without being trashy. The kind of retro Anthropologie is known for. I put on heels and my leather jacket and fedora and can't resist sending Cami a pic.

Me: Hitting the town, I guess you were right! Thank you babe!

I turn off the music in time to hear Jace's door closing. I scurry over to the peephole and see him pass. I look at my watch, 11:28. I'll wait 5 minutes I decide. My phone buzzes.

Cami: So hot! Are you having fun?

Me: I am. Meeting some friends tonight and...

Me: He kissed me! I am such a girl.

Cami: HA! I knew it! When he sees you in that he's gonna do way more than kiss you! Have fun and don't do anything I wouldn't do!

Me: And what is that exactly? :)

Cami: Exactly. ;)

I laugh out loud as a grab my purse and kill the lights.

**Questions? Comments? Concerns? Let me know.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Now**

*The cottage is quiet, everyone's gone to sleep. We fly back to England tomorrow for what will be a busy fall, but tonight, it's just us and it feels like we're the last two people in the world. Craving privacy after a week spent with my family we've snuck out, like two teenagers, to drift together in the ocean, our clothes scattered on the beach just above the tideline. As we swim out I feel Jace's hand on skim up my leg stopping my forward motion, I twist in the water to face him as his hand finds it way to my waist, pulling me to him. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and my legs around his waist, eager to be close to him. We whisper, laughing and reminiscing about our week down here, last nights sunset and Eli's first trip to the Flying Horses, as we revel in this this stolen time alone. He kisses me, slowly at first, but the intensity builds as the slow motion of the warm ocean gently rocks us back and forth. I cling to him, our bodies slick with warm salt water, and feel him, warm and excited, wordlessly begging for entrance. All at once Jace overwhelms my senses and my ears are filled with the sounds of small waves crashing and Jace's whispered words.*

* * *

I wake, breathless, aching for Jace, pregnancy dreams are exceptionally vivid. I look at the alarm clock and see it's just after four in the morning and listen, the house is quiet. I quietly make my nightly pilgrimage to the bathroom and just as I shut off the water I hear the faint sound of the front door closing. My heart skips a beat "Jace" I whisper to myself, a smile forming on my lips. I don my bathrobe and quietly tiptoe down the hall and downstairs to the kitchen. I see his figure silhouetted by the light of the open refrigerator, looking for a snack, such a normal mundane thing, I think. I silently make my way over to him, running my hand down his back and wrapping my arm around his waist to announce my presence. "There's lemon wheat berry salad leftover from dinner." I say just loud enough for him the hear me.

Jace automatically lifts his arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his side, looking down at me. ""I didn't mean to wake you." He says smiling broadly.

"You didn't, I was up." I say craning my neck to kiss him. He's home, I think as I relax completely in his embrace. I pull away, resting my forehead on his "I missed you." I whisper, turning into him and snaking my arms around his neck and squeezing him tighter. I feel tears of joy and relief beginning to sting my eyes. He wraps his arms around my waist and I feel my feet leave the floor as Jace hugs me tightly, burying his face in my hair.

"Mmmm, I missed you too." He whispers into my hair. He sets me back on the floor and looks into my eyes. "Clary darling, what's wrong?" He says, palming my cheek and wiping my tears away with his thumb.

I smile "I'm just happy you're home, and overloaded with hormones." I say smiling and laughing through the tears. "How bout you never leave again?"

He laughs quietly, "I can't promise never, but I'm not going anywhere far for quite awhile, that plan will not change." He says, wiping away another tear before he kisses me again.

I instantly feel better, Jace is like a drug, he always has been and I was addicted from the first taste. I feel his hands migrate from my neck to my back and my belly before they move to lift me again this time to sit me on the counter next to the fridge and bring me up to his level. I tense imperceptibly and smile into his lips, I'm surprised he was able to do that, even if it wasn't as graceful as that maneuver has been in the past. I pull away and start to giggle.

"What?"

"I'm surprised you were able to do that." I laugh. "I'm a whale."

"No you're not, you're beautiful." He says sternly. I smile, "But that wasn't as easy as it's been in the past." He concedes, "but that's the distribution of weight, not the weight itself."

"Whatever you say," I smile and kiss him again, albeit briefly. "How was the flight? You're hungry?" I ask from my perch on the counter. He's dressed in a rumpled oxford and khakis, his hair showing telltale signs of having slept on the plane. But he still looks perfectly delicious to me.

"I slept most of the flight," he replies, looking back into the fridge, "strategized with Alison the rest of it. But I'm strategy-ed out. And starving. Is it this?" He asks, holding up the container of wheat berry salad.

"Mmhmm, Ems a vegetarian again do it seemed like an easy thing to make."

"Looks great," he says, grab a stool from the island and sitting down on front of me. I pass him a fork and he digs in, not bothering with a real dish. "Excellent." he says referring to the food. "So what have I missed? How are you? How are you feeling?"

"You haven't missed a thing," I say assuaging Jace's guilt, I've spoken to him more than once every day he's been gone. He's not really out of the loop, but he likes to recap when he's home. This whole scene is our own little homecoming ritual. I start giving him the highlights and once I'm satisfied I always finish with something I find amusing"A typical week really. Oh, I had lunch with your mom on Thursday after my appointment."

"I did miss that." He points out, "and I swore I'd never miss one."

He felt so bad about missing the latest baby appointment he almost didn't go to LA. It is true he swore he'd never miss one, he came to every single one of Eli's. But once you go from monthy to bi-weekly it's almost impractical.

"You also swore you wouldn't be nominated for the Oscar, and then you swore you wouldn't win. It's ok, it's nothing you haven't seen before. It's not a big deal." I say, running my fingers through his hair and letting my hand come to rest cupping his cheek. He looks up at me and I can't resist the urge to kiss him, deeply and reassuringly.

After a moment he pulls away, "I know, but your appointment was good? Everything's as it should be? You're feeling well?" He asks quietly putting his hand on my belly.

"I've already told you, everything is perfect and as it should be. I feel good, just tired mostly." I answer, putting my hand over his on my belly. As is on cue the baby kicks. "This ones kicking up a storm though." I add. Jace loves feeling the baby kick. He looks down at our hands with wonder in his eyes, waiting for another one. I gently guide his hand to where the activity has moved.

"Maybe he's the next Beckham." Jace offers an excited smile on his face.

"Or she's the next Brandi Chastain." I tease. "Your mom is so funny, she wants to know the baby's sex so badly!" I laugh "I made the mistake of telling her it's a secret, and now she's convinced I know and won't tell anyone."

"That's Celine Herondale, won't take no for an answer doesn't like to be out of the loop. She grilled me too, when I talked to her on the phone. She can't understand why you wanted to know for Eli but don't want to know the second time around."

"I don't know. I guess with E it was all so new, I wanted as much info as I could get in order to plan." I muse. "Now, I have a better idea what to expect so it doesn't really matter. Boy or girl, I just want happy and healthy." I answer. "Do you want to know?" We've never fully discussed it, in the appointment when they offered us the info I responded 'not yet' out of nowhere. I kind of like the idea of a surprise, but if Jace felt strongly about knowing I'd be fine with knowing.

"Not particularly, which is what I told my mother." He says through a yawn. "I agree with you, it doesn't really matter."

"Babe, you're exhausted." I observe.

"I am. I think it's more the adrenaline wearing off, I'm just happy to be home, I can finally relax and lower the defenses." He says with a lazy smile as he puts the empty container down on the counter next to me and stands. "I want to enjoy being home," he says kissing me on the cheek, "sleeping in my own bed" he kisses me on the other cheek, "with my beautiful," he moves to my neck "sexy" down towards my collarbone, "wife." He finishes kissing my lips slowly and suggestively. "Even if it's only for a few hours." He says, leaning in to kiss me again.

I feel his hands roam my thighs and hips and ass as he leans into me. My body responds and my hands tangle fingers in Jace's hair, holding him close. I feel one arm curl around my back as the other skims up my body to my head as Jace leans into me, arching my body into his. A few months ago this would have worked for me and but these days my belly gets in the way and I need a bed. I wrap a leg around Jace legs and pull myself towards him, kissing across his jaw to his ear. "Take me to bed or lose me forever." I say, in a breathy whisper.

We turn out the lights and make our way to the bedroom careful not to wake anyone else. As soon as the door is closed I have Jace's shirt over his head and he's stepped out of his shoes while he loosens the tie on my bathrobe revealing my thin silky nightgown. He stands for a moment taking me in, "God, you're beautiful." he says, huskily as he gently drops the robe from my shoulders and runs his hands down my arms and under my nightgown, grabbing my ass. I kiss him again, my hands deftly unbuckling his belt and dropping his pants. In a fluid motion he removes my nightgown and draws me to our bed, where he sits as I stand in front of him. When I was pregnant with Eli I didn't have much of a sex drive early on, but by my third trimester I was insatiable, unfortunately I was also so self conscious about the changes to my body I could barely stand before Jace like this, totally exposed. Of course we were able to work through it, Jace has always made me feel beautiful, whether its a normal day a special occasion or sick with the flu, how could he not find beauty in ways my body evolved to become the vessel carrying the life we'd created, (his words, not mine). This time, whether its truly different, or it's just the knowledge gained from experience my sex drive has remained almost perfectly intact, of course, adjustments need to be made, but that's part of the fun. Standing before him tonight I see hunger in his eyes, his desire for me even stronger due to our brief separation and I'm sure he sees the same in me. I cradle his face in my hands and kiss his lips pushing him back on the bed as I climb on top of him, my mouth travels across his jaw to he's ear where I whisper "I love you. I need you"

In one gentle, fluid motion, Jace rolls us and I am on my back as he hovers over me as he begins his torturously slow advance on my body, his lips and tongue tracing it's lines and contours as his hands drift down, carressing and massaging my breasts, belly and thighs until one finds its way between my legs. I jump at the sensation a moan his name. Soon I feel his lips on my inner thigh, tongue and teeth gently teasing the sensitive skin there until he swaps his fingers for his mouth. Under Jace's careful ministrations I writhe, in agonizing ecstasy as he drinks me in. I feel him moan against me, the subtle vibrations driving me wild. All too soon I feel the tension building, involuntarily I arch my body as my head falls back and I see stars burst behind my closed eyes, I stifle a scream as I come, hard against Jace's mouth. A shudder runs through my body as I relax back into the bed and feel Jace crawling towards me. We are far from finished I think as smile at his lopsided grin and disheveled hair, all my doing. He settles next to me laying on his side, his head propped on one arm. I reach up to kiss him passionately, tasting myself on his lips, as I roll onto my side hitching a leg over his hip. We stay like that only a moment, this frenzied energy too much to bare for long, he is rock hard and ready and I need him inside of me. I shift my weight and role us so Jace is on his back and I'm in control, I pause, only a fraction of a second before I slowly sink down, connecting our bodies. I sigh as Jace moans my name, gripping my thighs as he leans up to kiss me, gently shifting his pelvis penetrating me deeper. I miss everything about Jace when he's gone but I miss the passion we have for each other most of all. Sometimes I think that the love we have for each other is as necessary to my survival as air and water.

**Then**

As I walk towards the door I see the car parked out front, as soon as the door opens the driver jumps out and opens my door.

"Thank you" I say as I sink into the backseat. "Sorry, I hope I didn't keep you waiting."

"Not at all, and even if you had I'd say- worth waiting for." He smiles and grabs my hand, kissing the back of my palm.

I look at our hands as I lace my fingers into his. "Thank you, you're not so bad yourself." I say as I lean over to him tilting my head back asking for a kiss. He obliges and I swear I feel my heart flutter, as he rests his hand on the side of my neck, holding me there.

"Where to sir?" the driver asks settling into his seat. I feel him smile against my lips before he pulls away.

"Lower East Side, please. The corner of Delancy and Eldridge."

"Milk and Honey?" I ask

"You've been?"

"Once or twice," I hedge, "great choice whoever picked it. Who's coming by the way?"

"A few cast mates, a couple of crew members and 3 old friends from London who are in town on business." He says, I wait for more details. "So Cassie Shane, my costar and a few others, Deacon Rich, Josh Stewart and Lindsey Carter. I don't know if you'll recognize them, they're relative unknowns. They each have a few TV credits, they're good people. Dave and Rick from the crew, I've worked on a few films with them at this point I know them pretty well."

"And you're friends from London?" I ask.

"Simon and Alec. Two blokes I've known since primary school. They've started a distillery and are trying to get a foothold in the US market. They're making a killing in the UK and are trying to jump the pond. I'm not sure, but I think Simon said his wife is with them, her name is Isabelle, Izzy, we've known her almost as long as we've known each other. They started dating at University and never stopped. Alec's married too, I don't know him as well, his name is Magnus. Izzy says he's the best thing that ever happened to Alec. Alec was always the serious one and Magnus is quite the character so they do complement each other well. They're adopting a baby and evidently the birth mother is due next weekend Magnus decided he should stay back, in the event that things happen sooner than anticipated." he finishes with a strange inflection.

"What? What wrong with him?" I tease

"No nothing, he really is lovely; it's just weird that I have friends with kids or about to have kids be that as the case may be." He says with a laugh, shaking his head.

The car pulls over and Jace signs the slip, as we get out he explains the studio covers all his transportation because he's not a fan of city driving. We stand on what is a particularly dark corner.

"This can't be right." he says, grabbing my hand. "Where did that guy take us?" he adds nervously, pulling out his phone.

"It's this way." I say pulling him up Eldridge "This is part of the point, it's a Speak-Easy, you just have to know what to look for."

"Are you sure? This street is deserted." He asks as he follows.

"Milk and Honey's booked tonight and it's still too early for DimSum." I say keeping an eye out for the landmarks. "Here we go." I say spotting the telltale red bucket on what appears to be a dark storefront.

We are granted entrance and Jace is greeted by name by the bartender who directs us towards those that have already arrived. Jace spots the threesome "Who let these unsavory characters in?" he jokes as he closes that gap and gives who I can only assume is Isabelle in a hug.

"Mr. Moviestar, how will we ever repay you for letting us ride your coattails through dingy downtown to the fancy super-secret bar." Isabelle teased in response. She's an impeccably dressed, black haired bombshell.

"And you must be the infamous Clary we've all heard a lot about you," Says the gentleman to my right, a grin spreads across my face, "it's great to finally meet you, I'm Simon and that there's Alec, I'd steer clear of him though, he's not much fun these days."

"Shut up, Si. You wait till Izzy's pregnant, an ocean away and no less demanding." Alec says, defending himself. "Nice to meet you" he adds, hastily shaking my hand.

"Ah, the Moonshiners" I say with a laugh.

"Darling we're British, we prefer Moonrakers." Simon chides.

"Hooligans, is more like it." Izzy chimes in. "Don't mind them, they started hours ago, I'm Isabelle, it is nice to meet you." She says with an air of coolness and offers her hand to shake. She looks me square in the eye as she firmly shakes my hand, she's sizing me up and I don't know how to feel about it. All I can offer is a smile.

"Clary," I introduce myself "it's great to meet you too, nice to meet some of Jace's oldest friends. So what are you drinking?"

At that the bartender comes over and helps Jace and I craft cocktail orders. Me, gin and fruit but not overly sweet. Jace, whiskey or scotch more warm than sweet. By the time cocktails arrive the rest of our group has too, in a flurry of activity, it seems photographers have followed Cassie Shane, we see flashbulbs as the door opens and closes, Jace frowns, "so much for a quiet night." he murmurs to himself.

"It'll be fine, you shouldn't worry about it" I whisper, kissing his cheek, I feel him smile as he moves his hand to my knee and squeezes gently.

Everyone acquires drinks and we're all chatting. Co-stars about the film and 'moonrakers' about their successful meeting today, Keith McNally is going to feature their whiskey in his restaurants and which is a boon to the brand. I laugh and comment, but mostly I'm just enjoying being here with Jace. The vibe is low key and comfortable but it is still a bit surreal and a points overwhelming. I join in and joke where I can but Cassie monopolizes the conversation masterfully and I excuse myself to the restroom if only for a moment of peace and quiet. As I examine my makeup and touch up my lipstick Cassie totters in on ridiculous Steve McQueen heels.

"Oh," she says, clearly not expecting to find me here.

"Hi," I offer, "love your shoes by the way."

"Ar, dreadfully uncomfortable, but beauty is pain." She says as she moves toward the counter rummaging in a bag too small to really necessitate rummaging, effectively ending any conversation. It's not until she finds what she's looking for, a small compact, that she acknowledges me again. "Want some?" she offers hold out what I now realize, much to my surprise and chagrin, is a compact of cocaine.

"Nah, I'm good, thanks though." I say trying to sound as casual and non-judgmental as possible, as I move past her to leave. I'm dumbfounded, Cassie Shane just offered me cocaine in a bar bathroom. For a moment all of the fears I've dwelled on in the last few weeks come sharply into focus. What in the world was I thinking, I don't know if I can do this. This whole lifestyle is just too much and more importantly not me, at least not anymore. I think as I walk back to the table perhaps still looking stunned and see Izzy eyeing me as I hear her say:

"So I'm guessing the arrival of Paps means no smokes for me unless I want my photo taken?"

Air and a cigarette, _I want that_, I think coming back to the moment noticing Jace looking at me questioningly as he silently asks "are you ok?" I force a smile "No way, we can go out back, come on."

Izzy follows me back towards the bathroom and we make a right towards the garden as Cassie totters back out of the bathroom on the left.

"Well don't you know all the tricks,"Izzy says as I hold the door open for her, "I mentioned a smoke earlier and they directed me to the sidewalk."

There's skepticism in her voice, like she's trying to catch me in a lie. "Not tricks," I respond, "it's just the years of scheming pay off and obviously one of the perks of blowing the bartender." I offer with asperity and a sarcastic smile. I can play this game too. Izzy looks a little stunned, but her expression changes to interest and curiosity as she offers me a cigarette and a sly smile.

"Maybe I do like you?" She says.

"Thank you," I say, sincerely grateful for the smoke and not all that interested in her opinion of me even though I know I should be. "God, this is just so surreal." I say almost to myself.

"What do you mean?"

"I used to come here a lot with friends, a few of them worked at a restaurant around the corner so we meet up late night and have a cocktail. The bartenders all knew them cause they'd get dinner before their shifts at the restaurant. That's how I knew about the garden, they lost the permit to use it as public space 3 years ago after too many complaints from abutters, but they'd still let us sneak back here to smoke."

"So you're not blowing the bartender?" She asks, jokingly passing her lighter.

"Hardly, I wasn't his type anyway, he was always into pretty, hipster boys, like my friend Jordan." I say, smiling and lighting my cigarette. "So we used to come here to hang-out in a non-crowded bar while he shamelessly flirted with the bartender. We used to get so annoyed when they wouldn't let us in because of 'private parties'. I think when Cassie Shane offered me coke in the bathroom I sort of realized I've crossed over to the dark side, I'm those people we so used to dislike."

"Wait, Cassie Shane offered you coke in the bathroom?" Izzy says incredulously "God, I knew she was a cliché, I just had no idea how big a cliché she was." She laughs, and despite myself so do I, because it is completely clichéd and ridiculous.

"Right? It's completely ridiculous! I had this moment in the bathroom where I was just like 'What have I gotten myself into? This is just so not me.' I think I panicked for a minute there and I think this cigarette is saving my life."

"It is completely ridiculous, and I can honestly say that's not the gauge for how Jace's true friends are. Look, I'm sorry for being a bit frigid. I just-"

"It's fine, I get it. This I all pretty new and you guys are the first peers of Jace's that I've met. I have younger siblings and I can spot sizing up the new girlfriend when it's in front of me. It's just been awhile since I was to one being sized up. Jace's a wonderful and special individual but I imagine he can be naïve and I am sincerely glad he has friends like you in his corner. Jace being who he is, I should have expected a fair amount of sizing up and 'what are your intentions', you're clearly the judge of character in the group and I'm sure you have a lot of people back home eagerly awaiting the full report." I say with a smile, pulling a drag from my cigarette.

"We just don't want to see him taken advantage of," Izzy offers sympathetically, "He's one of the good ones and you came on to the scene rather abruptly, between you and me I think he's fallen pretty hard for you, pretty fast and after the last dating debacle we couldn't help but wonder. To be fair I didn't really realize you had been pen-pals for so long before we started to hear about you. But with his whole existence under the microscope and all the fame he's gained, can you blame us?"

"Absolutely not." I say with a smile. "In fact it makes me feel better about it. Anyone who has friends this good, this involved, this concerned has to be worth it. I can't predict the future so I don't know where this is headed, but I can assure you I fallen hard and fast as well and my motives here a pure. I genuinely adore Jace, he's a wonderful person who I thoroughly enjoy spending time with, I'm here being open to where this relationship goes. I'm not trying to break his heart but mine is on the line too and I'm also not interested in having it broken and it's all a bit scary. But I will say that I'm glad you guys are here to keep this night in perspective, you guys sort of seem like real people."

"Well I think we try to be, at least you won't find any of us with cocaine in the bathroom. Now the real question, smoke one more or go back in, they are probably wondering what I am doing to you."

"Ha! I say one more and make 'em sweat." I say conspiratorially

We smoke one more and decided the five of us should have an early dinner tomorrow night before they fly back to London. A quick phone call to another old friend and I've got us a prime reservation a Minetta Tavern and even more credit with Izzy. ("We tried to eat there two nights ago in preparation for the McNally meeting and nothing!"). We head back in and our party has dwindled, Rick and Dave have left citing wife, girlfriend and general exhaustion. I settle back in next to Jace and he puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to him, he kisses the side of my head and whispers that he didn't know I smoked.

"I'm sorry, I don't really, once in a while when I'm having a drink. Old habits die hard, I guess." I say, smiling meekly.

"No need for apologies, are you ok? You seemed flustered, do you want to go-"

I cut him off there. "I'm fine, let's order another round." I smile and stretch my neck to kiss his lips, he tastes like whiskey and honey and I almost feel bad I must taste like smoke until he wraps his arm tighter and deepens the kiss.

Cassie leaves after the next round and almost recruits Lindsey to go with her, but in the end leaves alone, a flock of photogs in her wake. Simon, Alec and Izzy stay for two more and leave as well. Izzy kissing me on both cheeks and saying "See youtomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Jace questions with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, the five of us are having dinner at Minnetta, tonight's been fun but I need a chance to get some real dirt on your boyhood exploits and I'm sure they need more material to take home to your mother and sisters." I say, smiling and kissing him on the nose. "Don't play coy, I've got siblings too."

Jace calls the car to take us back to the hotel while Lindsay, Deacon and Josh plan their next move. We finish our drinks as the four of them talk shop and shortly the car has arrived and we say our goodbyes. As I stand I realize I'm definitely past tipsy well on my way to drunk and once we're outside I spy Dim Sum across the street and am suddenly hungry. The car is waiting and as Jace opens the door I squeeze his hand and tell him I'll be right back, giggling as I dash across the street to Happy Moo Dim Sum. I order twice my usual assortment to go and leave a ridiculous tip because, I'm too drunk to spend the time doing math and I can't wait to get back to Jace. Dash back out the door and across the street where he is standing in the door of the car, leaning on the roof, smiling, looking perplexed while he waits for me.

"Dim Sum!" I say in explanation, lifting the bag.

"I'm starved." He says, eyes bright and cheeks flushed "Get over here" he grabs my waist and kisses me fiercely as I giggle maneuvering to get in the car, depositing my food on the seat behind me and pulling him by the collar in after me as his hands move towards my neck.

The food is forgotten once we're in the car. We make out like teenagers in the back seat until the driver asks:

"Excuse me sir, did you want to go around back together or a stop at the front door for the lady?"

Jace groans against my mouth, it's more of a whine. I know what is it is, he doesn't want to let me go and yet he knows what the prudent course of action is.

I smile against his lips and speak for him, "the front please, thank you," I answer the driver. I give him one more slow, lazy kiss before leaning back preparing to extricate myself from our embrace. The car comes to a stop and I open the door and step into the cool night air, dim sum in hand.

I make my way up to my room, kicking my heels of just inside the door. I look around the room trying to decide how to set up dim sum. As beautiful at the furniture is the couch just doesn't look comfortable, which leaves me with 2 options, the floor or the bed. Just as determine that the floor is more prudent I hear a faint knock on the adjoining door and the food is forgotten. I open the door and find Jace leaning on the door jam looking at me, eyes twinkling, lips parted in a lazy, lopsided grin that suggests he too is feeling the effects of this evening's craft cocktails.

"May I come in?" He asks, almost nervously?

"Hmmm." I tease, giggling ridiculously. I step towards him and wrap my arms around his neck and I feel his arms wrap around my waist. I crane my neck towards him and inching closer, until we are nose to nose I look into his eyes I smile as I pass my tongue across my upper lip. His eyes flicker and I close the remaining distance, capturing his lips with mine. I kiss him deeply and slowly as I feel his fingers clutching at my back. I feel weightless in his arms as I rise to my tiptoes and then suddenly feel my toes leave the floor as Jace lifts me, instinctively I wrap my legs around his waist and I feel him move us towards my bed, gingerly setting me down. Jace leans into me, one arm supporting him on the bed, the other wound tightly around my waist arching my body into his. The sensation of being this close to him is overwhelming and a battle rages in my head, every nerve ending feels like a live wire, it's addictive and physically I don't want to stop, I never want to stop, but my brain is telling me I need to. As if sensing my dilemma Jace leans further into me, carefully moving over me and I feel his hand travel from neck all the way down my body, a shiver runs through me as he reaches the hem of my skirt, I feel him hesitate.

"Jace." I say in an encouraging and breathy whisper, my brain clearly waiving the white flag. I feel his hand continue past them hem of my skirt and up my thigh before he squeezes. "Uoh" something between and yelp and a moan comes through me, if I weren't already this far gone that squeeze may have hurt, but right now I'd feels amazing, pushing me closer to the edge as my breathing quickens. I feel Jace's hand travel back down past my knee as his mouth slowly and leaves my lips, kissing across my jawline to my neck. He spends a moment there and just I as I start to worry about the mark he'll leave he lifts his head, I open my eyes and see him gazing at me as he gently pushed a lock of hair across my forehead away from my eyes. My hand is on the back of his neck, where I gently massage, he looks flustered and flushed and adorable, "What?" I ask as a smile spreads across my face.

"I-" He hesitates, smile breaking across his face as his head tips forward and he shakes off a laugh "I was getting carried away, I'm sorry." He apologizes, ever the gentleman.

I laugh lightly, "I'm not sure you're the only guilty party." I whisper conspiratorially, as I crane my neck to kiss him again, this time taking care not to get carried away. "We can blame the cocktails if you'd like."

"Hmm," he muses, "I'm not sure they're fully at fault." he says, lightly kissing me again. "Dim-sum?"

I suddenly remember how hungry I was an hour ago and wonder just how cold the Dim-sum will be. "Mmm, yes." I say with an enthusiastic smile.

Jace rises from the bed, adjusts his clothing and picks the bag up from the table I'd left it on. I shift rising to my knees to straighten my dress and push my skirt back down before crawling towards the pile of pillows and settling in on my side. He kicks his shoes off and joins me, putting the food between us and we dig into lukewarm dim sum, it's delicious. After a few minutes Jace asks me if I had fun.

"I did." I say with a smile. "It was great to see you in that context, with your friends and colleagues, as much as I've enjoyed having you to myself you can tell a lot about a person by their friends and it was great to see that side of you." I finish, he's looking at me very quizzically and I'm not sure why. "What?" I say laughing.

"Nothing," he he says laughing with me. "It's just- It wasn't too weird then?"

"I mean, it had its moments," I pause "if I'm being honest-"

"I always want you to be honest with me." He says seriously.

I smile and lean over to kiss him lightly on the lips before continuing. "Absolutely, and I expect the same from you." I warn, "Cassie was just kind of a trip. From the camera's when she walked in, to the coke she offered me in the bathroom I-"

"She offered you coke, like cocaine, in the bathroom? Jesus, I'm so sor-" He sounds shocked as he apologizes

"Jace, it's fine, we'll maybe not fine for her. But you certainly have nothing to apologize for."

"But that's why you looked so out of sorts when you came back to the table?"

Part of me wishes we were having this conversation tomorrow when I'd be better able to censor myself. "Yea, after that happened, I had this moment where I just thought 'wow, did I misread this, what have I gotten myself into?' but then I went outside with Izzy and she helped put things into perspective and I realized that Cassie Shane is not the friend to measure you by, she was. I love her by the way, Simon and Alec too. I'm really happy I got to meet them, and hey, who doesn't want a crazy story about a Hollywood starlet offering them coke in the bathroom at a trendy club?" I say trying to lighten the mood.

He grins lazily and settles into the bed. "They liked you too, they didn't realize tonight was our first outing as-" he pauses pondering the definition of our relationship.

"More than friends?" I offer diplomatically.

"Well certainly that," he says turning to face me, "I think about you as my girlfriend-"

"You do? Since when?"

He smiles "I do, I'm not sure since when, at least last weekend, it's strange, it was sort of this slow shift in understanding. I can't pinpoint when it happened. But it worries me."

"Why?"

"Because I can't offer you a normal relationship. I can think about you as my girlfriend all day every day but when some reporter asks me if I have a girlfriend, those are the details of my life that I don't want to share with them. And I feel awful about that, about the idea of hiding you."

I'd never fully thought through the idea that this relationship would be a secret, that I'd be a secret. "Then why keep it a secret?"

"I've thought a lot about that and it's because I want to protect you from that, that media scrutiny and also because as long as the Dark Artifices films are awaiting release I'm supposed to appear young and unattached. Which means no dates to premieres and events. At least for now. And there's my erratic schedule-"

"Hey," I stop him, sitting up to face him "You know I'm not interested in premieres and events. I'm interested in being with you." I try to say reassuringly. The DimSum has helped sober me up, but at the same time my head still feels too clouded to have a grownup conversation.

"Of course not, I'm sor-"

"Jace," I say as I cover his mouth with my hand. "I wasn't finished. I'm not going into this blindly, I spent a lot of time ignoring or avoiding the idea that we could be more than friends. I just didn't even think it was on the table. But then I realized that it might be and I spent a lot of time over the past few weeks thinking about the challenges, I thought about the distance and the demands of your career. I'll be honest, I didn't think about how you being famous would change the rules." I pause trying to imagine just how many rules will be changed and which ones they'll be before I realize it doesn't matter. I'm drawn to him like a moth to a flame, I'm already invested in seeing where this goes. Without thinking I rise to my knees and move myself to his lap, craving closeness and wanting his full attention for I say what's next. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think it will be easy, I know it won't be, but, I do think it'll be worth it and I am 100% open to exploring this." I pause for effect and lay my left hand on his cheek. "But you can't keep apologizing for who you are. Because I kinda like you and if you weren't you we wouldn't even be here."

At first he just stares at me, he looks awestruck, before he says "I just don't want to ruin your life, but I also don't want to share you."

"Well I don't want to ruin your life and I don't want to share you either. I just..." I pause, gathering my words, "Jace, I just think we'd be crazy not to try, I think we have a pretty great connection. We've figured out how to make our friendship work, we'll be able to figure this out together." I say before I lean down to kiss him softly. He pulls away, holding my neck. He looks me dead in the eyes.

"I couldn't agree more." He says "but maybe we should take it slow?"

It's always difficult to know how to take 'we should take it slow' and more so when you're in bed, astride the person speaking the words. His hands have wandered down my body, coming to rest lightly on my thighs where the thumb of his right hand absent mindedly rubs gentle circles. I can't deny I'm happy he wants to slow things down but I'm also not willing to let him out of my bed, all week I've dreamed about drifting off to sleep nestled in his arms. "I think you're right," I agree, "but you are aware that doesn't mean I'm going to let you out of this bed tonight? No funny business, just sleep. Together."

"Well, obviously." He says playfully as he straightens up and leans into kiss me. Eventually I pull away and move off of him, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I need to change out of this dress and into pajamas. I ask Jace to unzip me, turning around and lifting my hair to reveal the zipper down my back, he obliges, gently drawing the zipper down, letting a finger drag across the bare skin of my back. It sends a shiver on electricity down my spine and I stifle a moan before turning to thank him with a kiss and let him know I'll be right back.

Excusing myself to the bathroom I can't help but replay the conversation we just had, I've never gone into a relationship with this much discussion so early on but it feels good. It feels good to know where he stands given the volume of unknowns. I change into a lightweight pair of cotton shorts and a white tank top, brush my hair and teeth and wash my face and as I dry my face I look in the mirror, wondering if I shouldn't have tried to bring more attractive sleepwear. But then I decide this is who I am, he's seen it before and he still wants to be my boyfriend. I smile at the thought of that word, it's been a long time since I've called anyone my boyfriend.

I go back out into the room just as Jace is coming back through the adjoining door, shirtless and barefoot wearing pale blue pajama pants. He sits down on the edge of the bed with his back to me typing into his cell phone. Its such a mundane scene and I can't help but smile at the intimacy and the normalcy of it as I silently pad over to the bed, climbing up and then crawling over to Jace. I wrap my arms around his shoulders and chest from behind, letting my fingers fondle the soft hair on his chest and breathing in the scent of his bare skin as I plant a kiss on his shoulder. He moves one hand from his phone to my arm and gently caresses my arm.

"Well even Alec thought you were lovely and he's often a hard sell." He says smiling craning his neck to kiss my lips. "He wants to confirm dinner at 5 tomorrow and Izzy also asked if we want to meet at 4 and get a drink beforehand somewhere."

"Yes, dinner is 5 and I'd do drinks before, unless you have a different plan for tomorrow." I respond.

"No specific plans, I should learn a few more pages of lines at some point, but other than that I'm yours."

"Perfect." I say, through a yawn.

"Bedtime?" He questions.

"Mhmm," I reply, kissing the spot where his shoulder meets his neck before untangling my arms and sinking into my side of the bed. I lay on my side watching him as he sends a few more texts, the last one he receives gets a chuckle. He turns his phone off and places it on the nightstand before shutting off the lamp, plunging the room into darkness. I feel the mattress move under his shifting weight as he settles into bed.

I sense his body roll towards mine and hear him whisper "goodnight beautiful" inches from my face. I carefully extend my arm, an exploratory hand probing the darkness for him, it lands on his neck and I smile, wiggling closer to kiss him goodnight. I find his lips and he kisses me deeply as I hug myself to him. His arm snake under my neck and around my shoulders, locked in his embrace we make out like two teenagers. Jace rolls me onto my back, and hovers over me, careful not to crush me under his weight. We stay like this for what must be hours, hands wandering in the darkness, exploring each other and yet, somehow clothes stay on and this marathon make-out session remains remarkably tame, eventually, we fall asleep tangled in each other's arms as I spy the first hint of the sky beginning to lighten, just before dawn begins to break.

**Take a breath.**

**Too much? Not enough? Just right?**

**Let me know what your thinking, dear readers.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Now**

I've been dozing in Jace's arms for about an hour when I start to hear movement in the house, I listen closely for clues about who's awake. At around 6:30 I hear the telltale sounds of making coffee, _Emma_, and at seven, Eli, ecstatic to see Emma. I could lie here all day tangled in my sleeping husbands arms, skin on skin, enjoying his warmth, but I do need to use the bathroom and I am starting to get hungry. I roll into Jace and onto my back, in his sleep he unconsciously moves with me. I look at him, he's sleeping deeply and peacefully and his shallow even breathing suggests he still has a few hours of sleep in him and I want him to have it. If I make an appearance in the kitchen Eli won't invite herself in and find us, still nude and tangled. When she first transitioned from crib to bed, and discovered she could get up and out of bed whenever she wanted, we enforced knocking before entering a room and while she always knocks, she rarely waits for an invitation. Consequently we've gotten very good about wearing pajamas, but this morning, utterly satisfied and blissed out, it seems we were both too spent to bother. And now, as I carefully extract myself from Jace's arms, I want nothing more than to stay in them. I use the bathroom and put on yoga pants and one of Jace's old t-shirts as I come out of my closet I can't help but pause to appreciate the beauty of my husband's sleeping form. In my absence he's rolled onto his back and the sheet has slipped down leaving him near fully exposed. One hand is across his eyes and the other across his stomach, which not as flat and chiseled as it used to be but to me he's more beautiful than ever. My eyes linger, following the contours of his stomach down to his lower abdomen where the 'v' of his pelvis disappears beneath soft brown curls. I silently cross the room to the bed and kiss the spot on his chest where his heart is, gently pulling the sheet up to his waist and whispering "I love you" before heading down to the kitchen.

"Your up early." I hear Emma say as I come around the corner.

"Mommy!" Eli squeals arms open as she comes toward me.

I cringe at the volume, and catch her and lift her to the counter. "Shhh, baby girl, Daddy's still sleeping, he's really tired." look at the clock on the stove it's twenty past 7. "Hate to break it to you Ems but it's not that early," I say to Emma, who assumed I wouldn't even leave the bed today, "besides I'm hungry, what are you guys making?" I say to Eli as I tickle her tummy.

"Worked up an appetite did you?" Emma teases, always with her mind in the gutter. "E tell your mom what we're making."

"Fwatatos?" She says excitedly.

"Frittata." Em corrects as she passes me a cup of coffee. "Half caf right?"

"Yes, thank you." I say gratefully as I sit back and watch Em and E finish making breakfast.

We sit down to eat as Eli excitedly tells me all of the things she and Emma have planned, she wasn't kidding when she said she'd occupy Eli all day and I make a mental note to give Emma the lowdown on naptime before they leave. Eli babbles away as I move onto my second cup of coffee and a second piece of frittata, prompting her to ask if I think daddy wants any breakfast, and can she bring it to him. I tell her we should let him sleep, but we'll save him a piece and then suggest we her get ready for her day with Auntie Emma. We head off to Eli's room and I start the bath, as the tub fills we go back into her room and start picking out an outfit. I don't know what today will bring, so I want to make sure Eli looks well put together. We lay out, navy corduroys, a pink plaid collared shirt and a coordinating cardigan sweater and just in case, I add a second collared shirt to the pile to put in her backpack in the event of spills. Once the tub is full I turn the water off and help Eli in, as is custom she plays for a few minutes with an assortment of bath toys, making rubber ducks talk to mermaids and sinking boats.

"C'mon, munchkin, time to get clean." I say as I reach for the baby shampoo. I'm sure they won't have any problems, but I'm still nervous and I can't shake it so I feel compelled to remind Eli of the rules we follow when we go into the city. "Now, you're going to be extra good for Auntie Em today right?" I ask tilting her head back and looking into her eyes.

"Yes, mommy." she says with an excited giggle as I gently massage shampoo into her scalp.

"And what does that mean?" I quiz

"It means, listening and holding her hand-" She stops

"And always staying with her and not talking to any strangers. What do we do if a stranger talks to us?"

"We powhitely say escuse me and go find mommy or daddy."

"Or Auntie Emma,' I finish her sentence, "what don't we do?"

"I don't tell them my name, or go with them or take anything."

"That's right. You're very smart my love" I praise her as I plant a kiss on her soapy head, "Just like your daddy."

"Mommy! You gonna get all shamooey!" she giggles as she wiggles away. "Daddy says you're the smarty."

I smile, its always funny when Eli shares what Jace says about me, "well i guess you're extra smart since you get it from both of us." I say as I begin rinsing her hair.

Eli continues to play as we finish her bath. She make rubber duck talk to each other about nothing in particular, which is fine because I love listening to her musical little voice. After she's dressed and her hair has had a chance to air dry I carefully braid a crown around her forehead, leaving the back free but keeping the front out of her face. She loves braids, which is a god send because, while the color is almost and even split between Jace and I the texture is all from me, curly but tending towards frizzy and wild. As I finish I look at our reflections in her mirror, I know I'm biased but I think she's pretty darn cute, there's a lot of Jace in her but today I think she looks more like me.

"What is it Mommy?" She asks after a moment.

"Nothing, munchkin, I'm just thinking you're a pretty cute kid." I say kissing her on the head and tickling her side as I help her down from the stool she's standing on. She heads for the door and takes off down the hall in search of her partner in crime. "Come on E, I hear her downstairs." I say as I realize she's not headed for the guest room, she'd headed for my bedroom and I say I silent prayer that Jace is under the covers as I quicken my steps to catch up to her.

She knocks quickly before opening the door. I step into place behind her just as the door opens, but there's nothing to fear. Jace is wearing a t-shirt and pajama pants as he groggily sits up in the bed to greet Eli as she streaks across the room shrieking "Daddy!" He catches her and sweeping her onto the bed where she wraps her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly.

"Rrr, I missed you angel." I hear him say. As he hugs her, rubbing her back.

" I missed you too daddy but that's ok cause you won!" She says excitedly as she squirms in his arms, before snuggling into his side as he holds her close.

"That's true I did, but I was sorry you weren't there with me."

Ever practical Eli responds "that's ok, I'll come next time because Mommy will have the baby and won't need me to take care of her."

I can't help but laugh at that thought, and at the same time adore the mental picture it creates. Jace meets my eyes and wordlessly communicates a similar thought. I stand there for another moment watching them catch up, Jace asking about her week and her telling and re-telling the same stories. There isn't a trace of boredom on his face, you'd never know he's heard it all before he listens intently, completely engaged in her and I can't help but smile at my little family back home together. Shortly he asks her where she's headed and she starts to tell him about all the places she told me about at breakfast. He laughs at her lofty goals for today's outing before asking when she's leaving.

"Proby, now. I just wanted to see you first. Cause I miss you." She says laying her little red head on his chest.

"I missed you too baby girl." He says through a yawn as he smooths her hair and kisses her head.

"Ok you need sleep, I wuv, you daddy." She's say as she climbs down from the bed and grabs my hand at the door dragging me with her. I look at Jace and mouth "be right back" as I grab the for closing it behind.

"I love you too." he says as the door clicks shut.

We return to the kitchen and Emma is ready to go, patiently waiting with another cup of coffee, having finished the dishes even though I'd told her not to.

"You ready pretty girl?" She asks Eli.

"Yea!" Eli says excitedly throwing her arms up nearly batting my protruding stomach.

I walk them to the door giving Emma some last minute tips and adding Allison's number to her phone.

"Like we said last night, today will be fine, but if you see anything strange or need us just call."

"We'll be fine sis, enjoy your morning and we'll see you later." She says kissing me on the cheek.

"Thanks Em." I say as I bend down to hug and kiss Eli, before I send them on they're way.

I make my way back to the kitchen and make Jace a cup coffee to bring to him in bed. Before making my way back to the bedroom.

"Good morning" say as I enter the room. He's sitting up in bed, one foot on the floor the other tucked under his leg."Coffee?" I ask

"Hmm, yes." He says with a twinkle in his eye. Looking up from his iPad and setting it aside. I set his coffee on the nightstand and sit down in front of him. "Good morning." He says as he leans in to kiss me softly. I feel his lips and tongue make their way across my jawline and moan at the sensation. "Why didn't you stay in bed with me?" He whispers in my ear.

"I wanted you to get some sleep?"

"Well I wasn't ready to let you out of bed." He says as he pulls me to him and we collapse into the pillows.

We spend the next few hours enjoying the rare peace and quiet. Last nights urgency has given way to today's tenderness and we make deliciously slow and lazy love. After we've both had our fill, at least for now, we lay in bed and catch up. He fills me in on Al's strategy which naturally involves interviews and photo shoots. I agreed to interview but no photo shoots till after the new baby. Which he understands and agrees with. The big thing that Mary think we should do is be seen together. Which means planned outings when they tell photographers where to find us. At first I don't like it, it seems needy but Jace thinks that by, in essence, offering these pictures they won't clamor to find us. We can tell them when we go to the Portobello Market or walk Bea or to do the Saturday shopping, plan occasions when the children aren't with us. I see the wisdom in this plan but I'm still skeptical. We talk more, trying to anticipate how our lives will change and we come to the conclusion that we don't want to let it, so the best course of actions just be to roll with it for awhile. I agree to do it Allison's way for a month, that'll take us to within a few weeks of my due date. Once baby two arrives we'll likely be out of view for awhile anyway and have a chance to regroup. Once on the topic of baby two we can't help but talk about names.

"We can't call him or her baby two forever you know." Jace says, "what about Agatha for a girl and Aloysius for a boy." Jace chides.

"Yes of course, we'd hate for baby two to be cooler than baby one." I say laughing.

"My point exactly, and you have a better idea?"

"I like Henry for a boy and," I pause "Imogen for a girl." I finish watching him. "What do you think?" I say after a moments passed.

"Have I told you yet today that I love you." He says.

"Hmm," I think, dramatically, "I think maybe you have, but just in case tell me again?"

"You are the love of my life, Clary Herondale." he says, as he gently kisses.

"And you're mine, Jace Herondale." I say smiling before kissing him again.

**Then**

November has flown and it's already Thanksgiving. After a fantastic weekend in New York Jace and I can't seem to get enough of each other. That weekend spent with Jace and his friends couldn't have been more perfect. Saturday nights dinner consisted of amazing food and amazing company. People recognized Jace, but he played it off well and the rest of us just ignored it. Iz and I decided we were clearly meant to be great friends and exchanged phone numbers and talk often. The following Friday Jace again showed up on my doorstep unexpectedly, but this time, as a fun surprise and that Saturday, craving another day of peaceful anonymity, we drove up to New Hampshire for a hike and ended up staying till Sunday. Another blissful weekend spent together, enjoying each other immensely and still taking it slow. We've have been in touch even more than we were before we redefined our relationship, and while I love talking to him and hearing his voice, I'm already spoiled by being close to him. It hasn't even been two weeks since I've seen him and I desperately miss him and crave his touch. Last weekend we were both too bogged down with work to see each other, of course we knew we would be, but we still missed each other. When we talked on Tuesday Jace suggested that I go down to New York on Friday after Thanksgiving to spend the rest of the weekend with him. I readily agreed and we decided to talk details that evening, which is why I can't understand why I haven't heard from him since that conversation on Tuesday morning. It's not like him to not return phone calls or at least text me back that he can't talk. Now it's Thursday morning, and I'm so preoccupied with why Jace hasn't called that I may have peeled the same potato twice. All I can think is that something's happened, I just have no idea what, and that makes me nervous.

"What's on your mind Clary"I hear my mother ask, as she looks up from the pie dough she's carefully rolling out.

"What?" I ask.

"What's on your mind dear? You've peeled that same potato 3 times. You're clearly distracted so what's on your mind?" she asks again.

"Oh, I um," I hedge, looking down at the remaining scrap of potato in my hand. "It's just, you know that guy that l've been seeing, the one I told you about?"

"Of course dear, we all want to meet your mystery man."

"Right, it's just," I pause, finally putting down the over peeled potato, "so things of been going so well, I feel such a strong connection there and we usually talk every day, multiple times a day, but I haven't heard from since Tuesday and I don't know what to think."

"Sweetheart he's probably just busy traveling to be with his own family." she offers diplomatically

"He wasn't traveling, it's just, what if something happened to him and no one knew it thought to tell me?"

"You said you really bonded with his friends, wouldn't they get word to you? I'm sure there's nothing to worry about."

"I guess so, it's just that this seems so unlike him." I counter

"If I were you I'd chalk it up to the holiday and get to the bottom of it tomorrow. You love Thanksgiving, don't let this ruin it for you before you even know if there;s anything to worry about." She councils.

She is right, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, it's one of the only times that everyone gets together and it's always a very relaxed holiday, all of us together, having a good time, good food and watching football. I just need to stop worrying, I think as I pull out my phone, knowing there won't be any messages. I open Jace's texts and send one more message before I decide to put it out of my head and let the energy and the family distract me.

Me: Hey, I miss you, call me.

Dinner is over and my brother, sisters and cousins have taken over the candlelit dining room for a rousing game of Apples to Apples over dessert. Between the wine with dinner and the spiked coffee now, I'm definitely relaxed and starting to have fun catching up with the family I rarely see except for holidays. I catching up with my cousin from Colorado about her decision to go to grad school, when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I scramble to get to it thinking it must be Jace only to discover its Izzy.

"Why is she calling me." I say to myself.

"Why is who calling you?" Always nosey Emma asks.

"No one I'll be right back." I tell everyone. As I leave the dining room and head upstairs to my childhood bedroom.

"Hello?" I answer

"Hey, Clary, I'm sorry to call, is it a bad time?"

My heart skips a beat, something's happened to Jace. I take a breath, "Not at all Isabelle, what's up? Is Jace ok?"

"That's why I'm calling. Clary, Imogen passed away yesterday. When I realize Jace hadn't-"

"Oh god, what happened?" I interrupt

"I don't have all the details, but I guess she just took a turn on Tuesday, they called Jace to come home, but she died before he got there. He's..." She pauses, sounding upset.

"Devastated," I finish her sentence. "Iz I'm so sorry, when is the funeral?" All I can think is that I need to be there for him, and then I wonder if that's appropriate.

"Day after tomorrow, I think." She answers, sounding almost relieved.

"Ok," I say as I open my laptop and pull up Expedia. "I could be on a flight tomorrow morning at 9:40." Quickly trying to determine if I need to go back to my apartment or if I can leave from here. "That is if you think that's appropriate. I mean, that's just-"

"No, Clary, that's why I called you, you should absolutely come. He needs you. I'm just so glad you're willing."

"Of course I am, Iz, I can't even imagine."

"It's bad, C. I stopped over this afternoon and his dads just been sitting on their veranda staring off into space since it happened, and his mother is barely keeping it together so Jace has been helping her with the arrangements. I'm not sure where his sisters are but I don't think he's even slept since he landed. He seems so detached, exhausted and distracted of course but he's like a zombie, not letting himself feel this."

I feel my heart break for him, shatter into a million pieces. "Why hasn't he called me?"

"He said he didn't want to bother you during your favorite holiday, but I decided that if roles were reversed and he was Simon I'd want you to call."

"Of course, Iz, I can't thank you enough. "I'm going to sort out the travel details and call you later, do you know of a hotel near Jace's family?" I ask, not wanting to presume.

"No, Clary, you'll stay with us, or you'll stay with Jace. Don't worry about things once you get here, just get here."

"Thanks, Iz, talk soon."

I end the call and look again at flights, they're not unreasonably priced for a last minute ticket, but thank god I've continued to live on a student sized budget even though I now have a well paying job. I book a 9:40 am flight out of Logan, determining if I leave here by 7 I'll be fine, the only thing I'd have to stop for is my US Passport, but I'm fairly sure my mother has my Irish one here. I make my way back to the party, which is winding down, grandparents, aunts and uncles have left, a few younger cousins hung back. I find my mother in the kitchen and explain the situation. She's empathetic, but questions whether it's wise to fly across an ocean for this. I explain that how strongly I feel about being there for him and how Isabella wouldn't have called unless she too felt strongly about my presence. She seems to understand and I help finish the dishes. After we go up to her bedroom to find my passport and raid her closet for black dresses, I take two options and decide I'll need to steal shoes from Emma. I feel better now that things are organized, but I still wish I could talk to Jace, the concern in was heavy Isabelle's voice and I'm worried about him. I call Iz and let her know my plan and she tells me she'll pick me up at Heathrow, no arguments. In an attempt to distract myself I go back to the dining room and re-join the fun. Shortly after 11 remaining guests leave and Valentina and Emma grill me about what's going on. I explain what happened and they try to understand why, in a relationship so new I'd break the bank to fly overseas and attend a funeral for someone I barely knew. I explain simply that I did meet her once and I promised her I'd take care of Jace, he needs me, even if he hasn't told me himself I can feel it and if it were me he'd do the same.

"You're really head over heels for this guy, huh?" Val says, pessimistically.

"I guess I am." I say after a moment. "He's just not like anyone I've ever met. And one of his best friends called me to tell me he needed me so I'll go."

"Whatever you say, sister. You're a better person than I am." Val says as she gets up.

"Well we all knew that." Emma points out.

"Screw you Emma," Val retorts, "I'm going to bed."

"Val wait-" Emma tries to apologize following Val.

"Why is she like that?" I say to Jon.

"Because she's the middle." He says. "She's always been the angsty negative one, but Clar, that's her own way of expressing concern."

"Arg, I know, I know you're all itching to know, I'm just not ready to share yet. But I promise I'll introduce you soon. Just trust me"

"It's not that we're itching to know Clar, it's that you've never kept this sort of thing a secret before." Says My brother. "I can only speak for me, but I just want to know you're doing this for you and that this dude isn't taking advantage of you, keeping you a secret because he's got a wife and kid somewhere."

I can't help but laugh, "I assure you there's no secret wife and kid, we're doing this our way and eventually I think you'll get it."

"If you say so, and I do trust you Clar, I just want to look out for you."

My brother is just over a year younger than me but more than a few times people have mistaken it for the other way around. The last thing our dad ever said to him before his third career deployment, was that he was the man of the house, and to take care of the girls. Dad died, in combat, when I was 6 and while we were all affected Johnny had the hardest time with it. He had a difficult reconciling the idea that at 5, he wasn't ready to be the man of the house but dad put him in charge and he felt like he had to. That's how Luke came into our lives, he'd been my dad's best friend his whole life they joined up together and he was there when dad was killed. When he returned stateside he wanted to help us anyway he could and when Johnny's behavior issues became too much for my mom Luke offered to help. Luke and my mom slowly bonded, helping each other through the grief of losing my dad. When they decided to get married they were so worried we wouldn't approve. But how could we not, he helped put our family back together, and he loved our dad as much as we did and never tried to compete with his memory.

"I love you little brother." I say leaning over to bump shoulders with him.

"I love you too sis, I can drive you to the airport if you want, what time your flight?" he says, putting an arm around my shoulder.

"9:30, but you don't have to do that."

"It's fine, I'm meeting a few of the boys for shooting at 11. I need to head in early to pick up my gear anyway. So coffee at 6:30, on the road by 7? You need to stop at your place?"

"No, I've got what I need here, 6:30 sounds good, you sure?"

"Absolutely." He says as he gets up, "but now I'm hitting the hay."

"Sleep well."

"Thanks you too."

* * *

I didn't sleep well, I couldn't sleep, all I could think of was a devastated Jace, looking the way he did on that unexpected October night on my couch, but worse. At 5:45, I gave up the ghost and decided to take a long hot shower and blowout my hair, at least when I land I'll look presentable. Jon dropped me at the airport an hour ago, have me half an Ambien and told me to take it when they start boarding because I needed to sleep on the plane and to call him when I landed. Like I've always said, my brother always looks out for me. At the gate I was given a surprise upgrade to business class and no more than five minutes into my seat I was starting to pass out. Fast forward six or so hours and I'm on the curb at Heathrow waiting for Iz. Just as I'm about to call her again I hear a beep and see her behind the wheel of a charcoal grey and black Mini Cooper she pulls up, jumps out of her car and gives me a hug.

"Clary, it's so good to see you. How was you're trip?"

"Thanks Iz, mercifully I slept most of the flight."I answer as we put my suitcase in the trunk and get in the car.

As we drive she fills me in, it seems Imogen went into liver failure early Tuesday with the time difference and work Jace didn't found out until the end of his shooting day and more or less went directly to the airport. He arrived early Wednesday morning but it was too late, she'd gone into cardiac arrest in the wee hours of Wednesday morning. The family was understandably devastated, no one had expected it to happen so quickly. His father hasn't said a word since they left the hospital and his mother's been trying to make plans and arrangements amidst her own grief, Jace's sister Tessa was in Australia so it's taking her forever to get home but according to her husband she's due in late tonight. And Maia has been crying for 2 days straight so Jace is being the rock trying to get everything done but Iz is worried because he starting to act robotic.

"Does he know I'm here?"

"I tried to call and talk with him today, but all I got in response were distracted excuses and one word answers, like he wasn't really listening. I let him know I was coming over to pick Simon up tonight, so he should be expecting me."

"Simons there?"

"Yes, Alec was there yesterday, they just sort of watching him. Magnus thinks he's going to crash, hard and when that happens he shouldn't be alone."

I feel my eyes well with tears at that thought. "Poor Jace." I whisper, as I wipe under my eyes willing the years to stop.

"He'll be ok, especially now that you're here." Iz says comfortingly.

We arrive a short while later to his parents house, a lovely antique Victorian with quite a few cars parked outside. I haven't given much thought to meeting his family, I suppose I'd imagined it might happen but never like this.

"Who's here?" I ask, trying to mentally prepare myself.

"It looks like both of his parents, thats my parents car and Maia's car, that's Jem, Tessa's husbands car, maybe the vicar." She answers. "You ok?"

"Fine, I just never expected to meet his parents this way."

Isabelle leads the way to the door, knocking gently, a gentleman, slightly older than us with tidy black hair and grey eyes answers.

"Hey, Iz" says standing aside to let us in. Isabelle leans in to hug him and he eyes me skeptically over her shoulder.

"How is everyone?" She's says, pulling away "Jem, this is Clary by the way."

He eyes me for a moment "Hi Jem, I'm so sorry for your loss." I offer my condolences and my hand. "I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Jace's girlfriend, right, I'm sorry, there's been so much going on, it took me a minute." He interrupts "it's good to meet you," he says extending his hand to meet mine. Isabelle continues to walk into the house down a hall before turning left. "You've come quite a distance." Jem says still standing at the door.

"Not really," I shrug, "I made a promise to Imogen that I'd always be there for him, so here I am."

He eyes me for a moment before cracking half a knowing smile and says "I think I made the same promise regarding my Tessa. C'mon we're all in here." He says leading me in towards Iz.

The mood in the living room is somber. Iz is perched on the coffee table talking to who two women. One seated on the end of a couch, who I assume Celine and the other in a chair next to the couch, who I assume is Isabelle's mother. At the other end of the couch sit a man who looks like an older version of Jace, as he stares out the window despondently, Stephen, while the priest is talking to him. Simon sits on a nearby bench with Izzy's dad, but that's it, no Maia and no Jace. Unsure of what to do I follow Jem towards the couch where Celine and Stephen are seated. Iz sees me and introduces me.

"Celine this is-"

"Clary? You must be Clary." She says looking at me, recognizing me and surprised to see me.

"Hello, Mrs. Herondale, I am so sorry for your loss." I offer unsure of what to say and wondering how she recognizes me.

"We didn't know to expect you, but thank you, so much Clary for coming." she seems distracted, distant.

"I spoke with Isabelle yesterday and I just, wanted to be here for Jace, for all of you. I know how much she meant to you."

"That's lovely of you to do, come all this way. I'm sorry it's under these circumstances. Jace speaks so highly of you, I've been so looking forward to meeting you." It's almost as if she's surfacing from the distance, as she turns to Stephen. "Stephen, Jace's girlfriend is here."

Stephen turns his head and glances in my direction, he sort of looks at me and through me at the same time, I feel awful for him.

"He's distracted dear, I'm sorry."

'Mrs. Herondale, please don't apologize, this is a terribly difficult time, I understand and I just want to be here to help in any way I can." I say sincerely.

"Celine, call me Celine. And there's one thing you can do for me, check on Jace, I'm worried about him." she says looking towards the staircase in the front hall.

"Of course, where is he?"

"Up in the study I think, or maybe his room. Go up the stairs, study is straight ahead and his room is the second door on the left." she instructs.

I make my way upstairs and see a halo of light rimming a door, slightly ajar, straight ahead. I stand before the door listening for anything indicating a presence in the room, total silence, I knock gently and wait for an invitation. When none comes I carefully ease the door open and there, in the cavernous room, lit only by a lamp on the large desk, is Jace. He's sitting in the desk chair pushed back with is his head in his hands and his elbows on his knees utterly still. "Jace" I whisper as I quietly cross the room, he's completely in his own world and doesn't notice me. My heart breaks for him as I kneel, placing my hands over his in an effort to pry his hands away from his face and bring him back. "Jace, where are you, my love?" I whisper.

Slowly he drops his hands and raises his eyes to meet mine.

"Clary? How- why-" he asks, lost for words. "Are you really here?" He finally asks his voice thick with emotion.

"Of course I am. Iz called me late last night and I was on the first flight out this morning." I tell him, moving my right hand to his cheek and examining his heavy lidded eyes. "Jace, I am so, so sorry. I know how much she meant to you." He looks at me, blankly his eyes searching mine. "Jace what is it?"

"You came here? For me."

"Jace, of course, I did." I answer, studying his features, he looks stressed out and strung out. "Sweetheart, when was the last time you slept?"

"Slept? Ah, maybe on the plane? When I got here there was just so much going on, so much to do, flowers still aren't finalized, I should confirm the caterer, I need to write remarks." He starts listing, manically.

"Jace, Jace," I stop him "Hey, we'll take care of all that. I'm here now for you, to help you so I'll do whatever you need but first you need sleep, you're making me nervous."

Out of nowhere his face changes, the stone cold facade crumbles before me, "she's really gone. I can't believe she's gone." He says his voice breaking, as he leans forward head dipping towards his knees.

I move quickly to catch him, gathering him in my arms. "I know Jace, I'm so sorry." I whisper, trying to comfort him, I feel him shudder against me as a quiet sob escapes his mouth. My heart breaks for him all over again as he cries quietly into my shoulder, there's nothing to say I stay there holding him for a long time before I feel his shoulders still and his breathing even out. His head moves against my shoulder, I feel him inhale deeply as his arms tighten around me, I rub his back reassuringly and soon he straightens up. He sits back and looks at me, I palm his cheek feeling the dampness, and wipe away a tear with the pad of my thumb as I guide his head towards me, kissing the cheek bone opposite my hand. I taste salt on my lips as I rest my forehead against his, placing my hands on either side of his to hold him there. He looks spent, totally drained, physically and emotionally.

"I'm sorry you had to see that" he apologizes.

"Jace, you never have to apologize for how you feel. Imogen was a big part of your life, you have every right to be devastated and I wouldn't have come if I wasn't prepared to help you through this."

"I just can't believe you're here." He says after a moment.

"Where else would I be? Iz called me and my first thought was when is the next flight out. I wanted and needed to be here for you, to help you in any way I can. But I think the first thing you need is sleep. C'mon." I say as I rise, grabbing his hand to lead him to a bed. He doesn't move, instead he pulls me back. Still seated in the chair he looks up at me reverently.

"I love you." He says clearly and seriously after a moment.

I'm somewhat caught off guard, I move to stand before him putting my hand back on his cheek. "I love you too Jace." I say as I bend down to kiss his lips, it's soft and intimate.

"Thank you." Jace says as he breaks away. I'm not sure what he's thanking me for, loving him, being here, perhaps both and it's not as though I had control over either.

I finally get him to bed, helping him strip to his boxer shorts before he collapses into bed. We talk for a while as he drifts offs his arms wrapped tightly around me, unwilling to let me go. After while I feel his grip loosen and I take to opportunity to extract myself from the bed. I make my way back downstairs to find a similar scene to the one I left. The only people missing are Isabelle's parents and Jem, who has gone to retrieve Tessa. Iz and Simon see me immediately.

"How is he?" She asks.

I shake my head, trying to fight back my own tears. "He's just spent, physically, emotionally, just drained. I got him to go to sleep though. When I asked him when the last time he slept was he told me he thought it was on the plane and then he just broke down. I just feel awful for him."

"I know C, but he'll be better in the morning, sleep and Clary is all he needed." She says with a smile.

"I hope so. What is the plan for tomorrow anyway?"

"Well the funeral was pushed to Sunday, Tess was having trouble getting a flight, of course they make that choice and she's on the next flight. Anyhow, they're not doing a formal wake, they'll have calling hours here tomorrow evening. And I know Jace has an appointment to finalize the flowers and an appointment with the funeral director tomorrow, I'm not sure when. Celine?" Iz says getting her attention

"Yes dear?" She says turning towards us. She stands and comes over to us.

I jump in, "Jace is sleeping and I'm just trying to get a sense of the schedule for tomorrow. I just want to help where I can, and try and take some pressure off of you guys." I offer

"Clary, dear, you don't have to do that."

"I know, but I want to help."

"Well the, florist is expecting us at 9:30 tomorrow morning and the family is going to the funeral home around 3." She says absently looking at her watch. "My, I had no idea how late it was."

"When are the calling hours?" Iz asks

"From 5 oclock on,the caterer should be here at 2:30 to set up, hopefully he's not late." She says fretting.

"I can plan to be here for them, and oversee set up if you tell me what the instructions are." I offer.

"That maybe be very helpful, thank you Clary. I just, I have to think about what we should tell them, I have thought about the set up at all."

"That's ok, I'm come back early tomorrow and we can talk then."

"Back tomorrow? Where are you going?" Celine asks.

"I'd planned to stay with Isabelle and Simon, I didn't want to impose." I say looking at Iz.

"Nonesense, Jace will want you here, that is unless…"

"No of course," I say taking Celine's hand, "I rather be here with him too."

"Imogen liked you, and I can see why." She says sweetly squeezing my hand. "I think I'm going to take Stephen upstairs and try and get some sleep myself, you should find everything you need in Jace's room, there are plenty of fresh towels in his bathroom and if you can't find something feel free to look around for it, make yourself at home."

"Thank you Celine, and again, I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, she will be sorely missed, but you know, she had a long wonderful life and she never took a moment of it for granted and never had any regrets. We can all take a lesson from her. Goodnight dear." She says smiling warmly.

"Goodnight." I say, excusing myself to the foyer as she coaxes Jace's dad upstairs.

Simon's already grabbed my suitcase and is bringing it up the steps as I open the front door. He and Iz quickly say their goodbyes and promise to check-in tomorrow. Once I'm alone I call to let Johnny know I've arrived safely, he doesn't answer so I leave a message and decided to head up to bed. I tiptoe up the steps, quietly lifting my suitcase behind me and open Jace's door. He is fast asleep curled around a pillow. I rest my suitcase on the floor next to his and open it to extract my toiletries. In the darkness and silence I realize the I too am exhausted, I shed my jeans and sweater and pilfer a clean t-shirt from Jace's suitcase before i crawl into bed, gently removing the pillow Jace is clutching and putting under my head. He doesn't even stir, after a few minutes I feel his weight shift against the mattress as he gathers me in his arms, pulling me too him and I drift off into a dreamless sleep.

**Keep the reviews coming. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Now**

Just as I finish rinsing my hair I feel the door open and Jace joins me, stepping in behind me, putting his arms around me and his hands on my belly and pressing a kiss into my shoulder.

"Hmmm," I moan, "good morning." I say with a smile.

"It is a good morning." He answers as his lips and tongue venture up my neck.

"Jace," I plead in a breathy whisper moving my head back and to the side, increasing his access. "Mmmm, you know we don't have time for this." I smile as I twirl to face him. Putting my arms around his neck as I kiss his lips lazily before turning us so he is under the water and I am at the door. "Tonight." I whisper into his mouth before I step out of the shower.

I wrap one towel around my hair and dry myself with another listening to Jace's poor rendition of an old Frankie Valli song as he washes his hair. After lathering copious amount of cocoa butter lotion into my stretched skin I make my way to my closet to ponder what to wear. Today will likely be the first day I'm photographed at Jace's side and I want to look good. A quick check of the weather indicates cool and damp, standard London winter/spring, and I settle on skinny jeans, riding boots and deep blue cashmere sweater, add a Liberty scarf and black leather bomber jacket and I'm a pretty hot pregnant lady. I lay out my clothes and sit down at my vanity table to attack my hair. I'm half way through straightening it when Jace ducks his still damp head in.

"So what's your plan today?" He asks.

"Standard Tuesday," I say, "manicure with Iz at one and then we have lunch. Wanna come?" I say with a smile looking at him in my mirror. Looking serene and angelic with a towel slung low across his hips.

"Manicure, no. I'll meet you for lunch though." He says "I want to swing by Alison's office and go over what we talked about, do me a favor though and make sure Iz is ok with pictures. If I go into town I'll be spotted and may be followed." He says with a frown. "If she's not its fine I'll skip lunch"

"Of course, although I doubt she'll care," I say, honestly, "perhaps I'll see if Simon can join as well. When are you leavening?"

"Sounds great, I figure I'll leave when you do, we can drive in together and I'll drop you off."

"That sound perfect, I should be ready soon, do me a favor and I've Bea a walk?"

"Your wish is my command." He says as he bows out of the room I can't help but laugh as I turn back to the mirror to finish getting ready.

* * *

"Jace must be a basket case." Iz says as we pick nail polish colors. "This is his worst fear come to fruition."

"In some ways I suppose it is, but really Iz, it was eventually going to happen." I tell her with a laugh. "He's not a basket case, did you see his Today Show interview? Honestly I think he's glad it's out there."

"It was interesting, he was more Jace than I think I've ever seen him in an interview."

"Right? He always hated not being able to talk about us. I do think it's all going to work out the way it's meant to, we're figuring it out. I'm not sure it'll be an easy transition, but it's one that must be made. what do you think?" I ask holding up a deep blue nail color.

"Hot, I think I'm just going for red."

"It's a classic. Is Simin gonna join us for lunch?"

"Pretty sure he is. Do you really think paps will follow Jace?"

"I don't know, he certainly seems to." I tell her as we sit down side by side ready to get our fingers painted. "Truthfully, after spending 30 minutes with my "Jace Herondale news alert" yesterday I decided to wait until he was home so together we could see what the world was saying. But of course we haven't so much as turned on a tv since he walked through the door."

"Really?" Iz asks, "I just don't feel sexy right now."

"That was me with Eli," I offer "I think I just needed to get past the morning sickness and feeling like a balloon, this time around, god, I just can't get enough of him. If it weren't for this, we'd still be in bed."

"Well then, I'm sorry to crimp your style." Iz says with a laugh.

"No, we can't hide in bed forever." I say, smiling at the thought.

"So what is your plan?"

"To deal with the media? Alison has a plan, Jace and I talked about it this morning. She wants us to do interviews and photo shoots and create photo ops for the paparazzi. I'm sort of on the fence about pictures, but I agreed to try it her way for now. But no photo shoots until after the baby."

"What kind of interviews?"

"I'm not sure, Alison will find some options I imagine." I say realizing the manicurist has stalled. I look at her and she's looking at me quizzically. "What's up?" I ask her.

"You're her?" She says, her voice a mixture surprise and awe.

"I'm who?"

"You're Jace Herondale's secret wife."

I smile and laugh a little, "I suppose I am, but you do realize that you've seen me numerous times in the last 2 years my names always been listed in the appointment book as Clary Herondale."

"It's surprising is all, the world is speculating and I actually know you. And you're so nice and normal" she observes.

"Thank you, I think?" I respond, unsure of what to say.

"I'm sorry, I guess I just didn't expect to know you. What's he like?" She asks, unable to help herself.

Iz giggles as I notice her technician is also watching me as are the three other people in the salon.

"He a wonderful man and a wonderful father and the love of my life." I answer honestly. "He's a lot more than people think."

"That's really sweet." Says Iz, people nodding and humming in agreement.

I feel half a dozen set of eyes on me as the my nail technician gets back to work and Isabelle and I continue to chat about more innocuous things. Instead of home and husbands we talk more about work as she asks how my scaled back schedule is working. In anticipation of the exhaustion I felt with Eli in the third trimester I've managed to clear my schedule a bit and scale back a bit, a benefit of being an independent contractor. She asks if I've got anything interesting going on and I give her the broad strokes of my latest project, a mystery the National Gallery knew I wouldn't turn down. I ask about her plans leading up to their baby and we talk a little about her position in the distillery and taking stepping back around her due date and obviously after. She wants to work as long as she can, mostly for fear of cabin fever if she gives up her schedule to soon. I offer a knowing smile, this is Simon and Izzy's first child, she's confident that all her observations of Jace and I and Alec and Magnus have well prepared her for whats to come. A sweet if not naive notion, eventually we're done and dry and headed to meet our men for lunch. I don my jacket and feel my phone vibrate.

"Hey, baby." I answer, and hear delighted whispering behind me. I roll my eyes at Iz and motion to the door.

"Hey, where are you." Jace says through the phone.

"Just headed to lunch." I say

"Arbitus right?"

"Indeed we're jumping in a cab now, should be there in 10. Simons meeting us as well."

"Great, I'm a block away so I'll see you there."

"Great how'd it go with Al?"

"I was good, I feel good about it, we'll talk more at home later."

"Excellent, see you soon, love you." I say.

"I love you too."

Our cab takes next to no time and we're pulling up to the curb just as Jace is passing the car off to the Valet. They're the only two people I see on the sidewalk, no photogs, I think cracking a smile. Jace sees us and opens the door helping Iz out first and giving her a hug, before helping me out, greeting me with a kiss and putting his arm around my shoulder leading me into the restaurant. I've never thought that we censor ourselves in public, we hold hands, touch, kiss, but for some reason today feels different. Perhaps it's simply the freedom in people's new awareness of us, they're on the look out now. I think of my nail technician, her surprise and interest, is that how it'll be now I think to myself as we approach the hostess. There are a handful if other people finishing lunch, we're on the late side for lunch after 2, but that's why Iz and I like it, we have the place to ourselves. I step ahead of Jace to speak with the hostess, he remains behind me, a hand firmly on my shoulder.

"Reservation for Herondale," I say, "we're actually going to be four though."

She looks at the three of us, and her eyes widen at the sight of Jace, "That's not a problem Mrs. Herondale." She says and I can't help but find her word choice interesting, using 'Mrs.' instead if 'Ms.'

"You make a reservation for two people for a 2 o'clock lunch every week?" Jace comments behind me.

"Hey, I'm a planner and I don't like surprises." I defend. "You should know that better than anyone." I say, playfully elbowing him in the gut. If reservations are possible I make them, or have Alison make them, I like to walk into a restaurant and sit down, not wait around for an indeterminate amount of time hoping a table opens up.

"I suppose that's true." He says, absent-mindedly kissing the back of my head. "Is the table ready?" Jace asks the hostess, who is standing there awkwardly staring.

She almost seems spooked "oh, yes, yes of course." She replies, flustered, leading us into the dining room.

"This is going to be a lot of fun." Iz says as we walk to our table.

The hostess attempts to seat us away from the other diners and right in the front window, which is not going to fly. "I'm sorry could we have a table on the side? I find the banquette so much more comfortable?" I say sweetly, rubbing my belly for emphasis.

"Yes, of course." She says quickly. "Wherever you'd like." She finishes, offering us a choice.

I lead the way, and select a table. I decide to throw her a bone and sit down at a four-top one table in from the window, people will be able to see us but we're not on display. I slide into the banquette and Jace takes a seat next to me, putting himself between me and the window. She passes out menus, not leaving an extra for Simon, and let's us know our server will be over shortly. As soon as she's out if sight I can't help but giggle at how flustered she was.

"So I guess to cat really is out of the bag." Jace says laughing with me as he puts his arm around my shoulder.

"You think so." Iz responds.

Jace and I have been here before, a handful of times both alone for pre-theater dinners and in groups to celebrate birthdays, christenings and the like. We've never caused a stir before, but maybe it's simply because those were busy nights when Jace wasn't so present in people's minds, not part of a mystery that needs to be solved.

We're perusing our menus when Simon walks in, looking put together in a suit, he must have meetings today, he's usually dresses far more casually. He has an amused smile on his face as he pulls out his chair, puts a hand on Isabelle's back and leans over to kiss her before taking his seat next to her.

"You've really blown the hostess's mind. She's over there furiously texting and talking to the Valet about you two." Simon says.

"Good lord, that's ridiculous." I say passing Simon my menu since he most likely won't get one of his own.

"Si, I've told you time and time again, there's no need to dress so formally for me." Jace jokes as the waitress comes over and introduces herself.

Simon, playfully gives Jace the finger before ordering champagne, as this is a celebration of Jace's big win and we all order our food.

"Seriously, though, why the suit?" Jace asks.

"I had a meeting this morning with the licensing review board. If we do expand, we'll need to revise our licenses to distill and distribute. The current ones don't allow the proper volumes. This afternoon Alec and I are seeing a few more potential spaces. When talking about commercial real estate I like to look like I'm good for the money." He says with a smile.

The bubbly comes and Simon makes a typically Simon toast. We sit back and relax, catching up, laughing about this and that, the atmosphere is fun and relaxed. As much as I love and look forward to my Tuesdays with Izzy, I'm enjoying having our boys here I muse as I sip my half glass of champagne snuggled into Jace's side. The food arrives and conversation quiets as we all dig in and it is, as always, delicious. Lunch winds down, Simon needs to meet the real estate agent by 4, Iz is meeting her mom to look at baby furniture and I feel a nap coming on. We get the check, the boys briefly argue about who's picking up the tab while Iz and I hand our cards to the waitress asking her to split the bill. Both Jace and Simon looks at us questioningly.

"What?" I ask.

"You do realize, this is our thing, we do this every week?" Iz points out.

Realizing they've been beaten, they exchange a look of surprised defeat.

"Think they'll ever learn?" I ask Iz.

"Mmm, probably not." She says as her eyes volley back and forth between them. Shifting to stand, Simon following suit and helping her into her coat.

"You ready for this?" Jace asks quietly, as he helps me into my coat and directs my attention out the window.

I hadn't noticed until he said it but a small crowd has gathered outside on the sidewalk across from the restaurant, maybe half a dozen people with cameras and a handful a girls in their early twenties.

"Well, I'll be damned." I say.

"It was the hostess." Iz says. "I'm going to bloody-"

"Woah, there killer," I interrupt "we pretty much knew this is what was gonna happen. Shall we?" I ask the table.

We all get up to leave exiting the restaurant and saying our goodbyes while the Valet retrieves Jace's car, ignoring the clicking cameras. The damp March air seems cooler than it did when we went in to the restaurant and Simon and Iz waste no time heading off in the direction of his office. As they walk away I shiver, wishing I'd remembered gloves. Jace turns and gathers me in his arms, wrapping his coat around us both, I put my head on his chest and enjoy the warmth. The car arrives and I unwind myself from Jace who opens the passenger door helping me in before passing the Valet a £10 note and jumping in himself. He throws the car into gear and off we go.

"Home?" He asks.

"Home." I say with a yawn.

**Then**

Light is coming through the crack in the curtains cutting a path through the room. It takes me a moment to remember where I am, when I do I roll over to find Jace, still fast asleep laying on his back with his right arm across his forehead. I stay there, watching him for a long time. When you lose a loved one sleep is the only escape from the grief and waking up is something else entirely. There's a great moment, when you first wake up, before you remember why you have that empty feeling in the pit of your stomach but then, you do remember and it hits you all over again. I study his face, the deep circles under his eyes have faded with sleep, but he doesn't look as peaceful as I'd like and I silently will him to sleep as long as possible. I feel myself start to doze off again and I give into it, drifting in and out until I feel Jace shift beside me. I open my eyes and see him yawn as his eyes blink against the early morning sunlight and open, moving around, taking in the room and suddenly I see that moment of connection as his lips form a frown and a tear falls from the corner of his eye running down his temple. He puts his hand to his eyes and pinches the bridge if his nose, trying to keep the tears in. I gently put my hand on his chest, hoping my touch will comfort him, surprised, he slowly turns and looks at me.

"You're really here." He says, voice breaking.

"Where else would I be?" I say running my hand over his chest stopping over his heart, beating a strong and steady rhythm.

"I thought I'd imagined it." He says as he takes my hand and rolls to face me, kissing my hand as he does. "I-I'm so happy you're here." He strains against his emotions which are threatening to boil over.

"Jace, it's ok."

"I'm, I'm just so sad." He says, and he sounds completely defeated.

"I know." I say simply.

It's early so we stay in bed for another hour or so, hiding under the covers, laying face to face our hands clasped between us as we quietly talk about Imogen. After a while his tears slow and turn into smiles as he shares stories I haven't heard before, remembering her life. This isn't the end of his grief but it's a step in the right direction. Eventually we start to hear movement in the house and the clock reads 7:30, it's time to leave our little bubble but Jace is reluctant and the heavy atmosphere returns.

"Jace, you'll be ok. I'm here for you, to do anything you need me to. We'll get thru this. Ok?"

He nods his head and kisses me sweetly on the lips, holding my head between his hands and looks me straight in the eye. "I love you, Clary." He says clearly and sincerely. I wonder if he remembers telling me last night.

"I love you too." I say back. "And that is why we will face this day together."

Jace showers first and I tell him he doesn't have to wait for me, I'll meet him downstairs. I take my time getting ready and put myself fully together before going downstairs, carefully doing my hair and make up. I kneel in front of my suitcase pawing through hoping for an appropriate a outfit, I settle on

a plaid wool pencil skirt with black tights black heels and a matching cashmere cowl neck sweater. I go down to the kitchen to find Jace and Jem at the table talking quietly. Jace is dressed in grey wool trousers, a button down shirt and corduroy blazer. I'm dressed perfectly I think to myself.

"Good morning" I say as I walk towards the table and take the seat next to Jace. I watch him pour me coffee with one hand and takes my hand with the other, squeezing it in silent greeting. He still looks sad, but far less exhausted.

"Good morning Clary, how did you sleep." Jem asks politely.

"Fine, thank you. How are you? Did Tessa get in ok?"

"Oh, she did thanks, I think the whole trip really took it out of her though. I'm just letting her sleep as long as possible. Hopefully avoid this for awhile." He gives me a knowing smile. He and I are doing the same job, keeping the person we love together and being there when they fall apart.

I open my mouth to respond when Celine walks in. She's in a flannel bathrobe and slippers and doesn't look like she should be out of bed.

"Good morning Celine."Jem says, more of a question than a greeting.

Jace tunes in. "Mum, are you ok?" We all know the answer is obvious.

"I just couldn't turn my mind off. I kept making lists and thinking about Imogen." She says sadly. "I realized we need programs. For the service, I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner. And the florist, dear lord, I needed to get dressed." She finishes looking at the clock seeing its half past eight.

I see my way in to help take some pressure off the situation and I jump on it. "Celine, why don't Jace and I take care of the flowers and you can try and relax a bit this morning." I offer, I feel Jace's eyes on me as Celine looks at me, almost blankly. "If that's ok." I add.

"I don't know if that's ok." She says with an eerie detachment as she looks at Jace.

I feel Jace squeeze my hand reassuringly "That's fine mum, you should rest, Clary and I can take care of it." he says quietly.

"What kind of program do you have in mind? I bet I can put something together if you'd like." Jem offers

Celine looks so relieved she might cry."let me get the outline the vicar gave me, just a moment." she says, turning to leave the room. Jem deciding to follow her.

"You really are an angel I think." Jace says, "I'll be right back, I want to check on Maia before we go." he kisses my head as he stands and goes upstairs.

Jem and Celine return, still chatting about a program as she yawns and he gently suggests she go back to bed. She nods her head and takes the seat next to me to thank me, not only for my help with planning, but also just being here to support Jace. I thank her for her gratitude and assure her I don't expect thanks she yawns again and I tell her to sleep well just as Jace returns.

Being away from the house seems to lift Jace's spirits, we go into town and meet the florist. The flowers are, for the most part assembled and all she needs is approval on the banners. Jace can't decide between 'mother' and 'mum' for one of the arrangements. We decide on 'mother' after a phone call to the house goes unanswered, Stephen always called her mother, it's the safer choice.

After the florist we stop in a tea shop for a cup of tea, I am hoping to prolong his time out of the house as much as possible in an effort to provide a mental break from the stress and sadness so that he can start to process his own stress and sadness. Over tea we talk about Jace's remarks, he wasn't ever planning on having to deliver any, it should be his father, but he didn't think his father would manage it so he felt he should have something prepared but he's having a hard time with content, he hasn't been to many funerals and everything he sees online seems wrong somehow. I offer the only insight I can, which is what I said at my own grandmothers funeral and that is to share what she meant to him. He nods thoughtfully and we spend the rest of the time talking about Imogen, I want him to focus on the joy and not the sadness, on the wonderful mark she left on this world and the legacy of her beautiful, wonderful, compassionate family. Remind him that he carries her with him and that even though she's gone theres a piece of her in each of them and because of this she'll live on forever. I'm trying to help him find the ideas and the strength to give these remarks in his memory of her and while I didn't know her well, the more I learn about her from the Herondales, the more I think she'd want to be celebrated more than mourned.

By noontime we're headed back to the house and Jace's mood seems much improved, while he is still sad and he will be for awhile, he seems more prepared to face what's next. Before we go into the house he stops me and kisses me and thanks me again for being here to get him through this and all I say is "you are very welcome."

The rest of the afternoon goes more smoothly. As the family assembles before going to the funeral home everyone seems pleased to be together. Maia had finally emerged, looking sad and exhausted, but better now that Tessa was home. They sit together on the sofa, Maia's head on Tessa's shoulder and Jem on Tessa's other side, a satellite to her planet. It was as if they could wordlessly communicate their every need to the other, silently working and moving in tandem and always connected. Stephen while still quiet seems less distant and Celine, having got a few more hours of sleep, not having to worry about the florist, the program or the caterer seemed a bit less scattered as we discussed said caterers. I assure her I will have no problems especially since Isabelle would be over at 3 to help as needed. They were waiting on Jace, who had gone up to change into his suit half an hour ago and not yet reemerged.

"I'm just going to check on him." I tell Celine as we finish talking food.

I scale the stairs and knock on his door before entering his room. He is sitting on the bed in his suit pants and shirt staring at the cuffs of his shirt. The floor around him suggests a bomb went off is his luggage.

"Jace, what's up?" I ask, taking in the scene.

"I can't find my other cuff link, she gave me these when I landed my first real acting job and I can't find the other one." he says tightly.

"Let me see" I say grabbing his wrist to inspect the one he has so I know what to look for. It's a mask with a frown and I quickly realize it's half of the comedy/tragedy drama masks, a symbol for acting and theater. There's something poetic about the fact that comedy has gone missing today of all days. "Where do you think it went?"

"If I knew where it went we wouldn't be here." He snipes, catching me off guard.

I stop and take a deep breath, "Hey." I chastise him "I suppose that's true, but please do not talk to me that way, there's no need to be rude." I point out. "This is your childhood bedroom there must be an old set in here somewhere. Where should I look?" I ask.

"Shit, I'm sorry, I'm such a prick." He says contritely, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply, the emotions of what's to come threatening to surface.

"Thank you," I accept, kneeling before him "you're stressed out, I get it. And it's ok to be angry, but I'm just trying to help, ok?" I say, softly, caressing his cheek before I start foraging in drawers. Eventually I find a small wooden box with an assortment of tie clips, collars stays and cuff links. I start routing through and manage to find two that match. "Voila" I say.

"Those are in rough shape" he say, inspecting the tarnished pair of sterling knots.

"No they're not, they just need a polish," I say retrieving a jewelry cloth from my suitcase. In no time they are as good a new and I fasten them to his cuffs carefully removing tragedy and putting it safely in with my jewelry, resolving to find it's mate after he's left. I help him into his jacket and straighten his collar and tie and running my hands down his arms to smooth his cuffs. "You're all set." I say smiling at him letting my hands linger in his.

"It feels strange that you're not coming with us." He says after a moment.

"It's just family, as it should be. Someone's got to get the caterers organized." I say, squeezing both hands before letting one go "Come on, you're already running late." I say as I lead him to the door.

He stops me before we go downstairs and pulls me to him wrapping one arm around my back and his other hand around my neck and kisses me, passionately. At first I'm surprised, but instinct takes over and I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. His tongue gently parts my lips as he kisses me eagerly, his tongue fighting mine for dominance. We kiss longer than we should considering his whole family is gathered downstairs waiting for him but I don't want to stop him, I've craved this closeness for weeks and this is the first time since I've been here that he has been able to give it to me and I can tell he feels the same. He stops, somewhat abruptly and leans his forehead to mine his hands keeping me close.

"I-" he hesitates, "I just needed that, to take with me." He smiles, for the first time in days, "I carry it in my heart, I am never without it."

"Anywhere you go, my dear." I continue the line and smile, kissing him softly on lips. "Go," I say "I'll be right here when you return."

He steps back and runs hands through his hair as I re-straighten his tie. He turns to go down the stairs and taking a deep breathe and grabbing my hand, there's confidence in the set of his shoulders and in that moment I know two things for sure, coming here was the right thing to do and Jace will be ok.

* * *

I'm roused from my sleep by a faint sound across the room, disoriented I fish my phone out from under my pillow and see that it 2:27 in the morning. The house is silent save for the sounds of drawers sliding and paper rustling. I look over to the corner and the small desk that Jace is rooting through.

"Jace, baby, what are you doing? It's 2:30 in the morning, you need sleep, come back to bed." I whisper across the room.

He pauses and looks at me, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He says, standing up and coming over to the bed sitting down on the edge.

I prop myself up on my shoulder as he gently caresses the side of my face and leans in to kiss me. Ever since our kiss in the hallway this afternoon he's been very affectionate, wanting to touch me, kiss me, be near me. I certainly don't mind but it caught me off guard given his usual tentativeness around other people. For the most part those that paid a call tonight were people that know the family and will have no problem respecting their privacy, to them Jace proudly introduced me as his girlfriend. However there were a few people "in the business" to whom I was introduced simply as "an old family friend". I didn't take it personally and mostly stayed close to Simon, Isabelle, Alec and Magnus leaving Jace to perform his duty as grieving grandson, but he was still very attentive to me which was sweet. When the last people left and we were finally alone in bed, Jace's body curled around my own, he thanked me again and apologized for how awkward and strange the evening must have been. I assured him I was fine, commenting on how truly lovely some of the people I met were, we talked for awhile as he filled me in on who some of them were and how they fit into the fabric of the family. Eventually the conversation comes back to the eulogy he has to give tomorrow, he has a few ideas but nothing written down. I can see he's exhausted so I assure him he'll find the words when he needs them and after awhile I realize he's fallen asleep and I'm not far behind.

"Baby, why are you up? Are you ok?" I ask nervously, after he pulls away from our kiss.

"Yes, or course, I just, the remarks for tomorrow just sort of came to me and I want to get them down. I was looking for paper." he whispers.

"Look in the front pocket of my suitcase, my journal should be in there," I say through a yawn, "you can tear a few pages out of the back." I say hearing the sleep in my voice as my head finds its way back on to the pillow.

"I don't need to cannibalize your journal," he starts.

"No, it's fine really, it's there its close and I want you back in bed." I interrupt. "C'mon, love, you need your sleep too."

"Go back to sleep," he says kissing my forehead, "I'll be right back." I hear, already drifting off.

Hours later I wake, my head on Jace's shoulder and my hand over his heart, his hand is over mine and I can tell from his breathing he's already awake. I move to look at him and find him silently staring at the ceiling. Feeling my movement Jace looks at me moving his hand from mine to my face. His eyes are glassy, they're green almost technicolor.

"You've been crying." I say, moving my hand from his chest to his cheek feeling the warm dampness.

"Hmm, I know what to say." He says, smiling. "I kept thinking today was the last time I'd see her, be in a room with her, but at some point yesterday between the funeral home and waking up at 2 am I realized it's not. After I got it down on paper I just had this overwhelming sense of sadness and gratitude for having her as long as I did." He finishes, clearly, his voice unwavering.

I smile at him, "I knew you'd find the words."

"Thanks to you. You helped me find them you know? I can't properly express how thankful I am that you're here, how much it means to me."

"There's nowhere else I should be."

He kisses me in response, deeply and possessively, I feel his strong hands roam my body, finding their way up under my t shirt, clutching at the bare skin if my back. His fingers leaving contrails of heat in their wake. All too soon he slows himself down, silently indicating what we both know, now is not the time for this. He lays his head back on the pillow breathing deeply, his expression difficult to read.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Nothing really," he answers looking at me with a smile in his eyes, "how long are you here for?" He asks.

"I fly back late tomorrow, I need to be at work in Tuesday morning." I say, sadly as the real world starts to permeate the bubble. "What about you?"

"I should be back for Wednesday, and they'll want me to work Saturday to catch up. Al is keeping people off my back though." He answers.

"You should take the time you need and not rush it."

"Would that I could." He says kissing the tip of my nose and offering a wistful smile. "We should get moving."

It's a quiet morning in Herondale household, everyone is somber and reflective as we gather in the kitchen for coffee and breakfast, which goes largely uneaten. A limo arrives at 10:30 to collect the family and nervous energy starts to seep back in. Simon and Isabelle arrive shortly after to collect me and before Jace gets in his car and I in mine I pull him aside for a moment alone to offer last words of love, support and encouragement. He pulls me into his arms and buries his face in my hair, he inhales deeply and I feel a faint shudder in his body as the emotions he thought he'd controlled begin to resurface.

"here is the deepest secret nobody knows, here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide, and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart. I carry your heart, I carry it in my heart." Whispering the last lines from yesterday's poem just loud enough for him to hear. "You've got this baby, and I've got you, ok?" I say as we start to pulls apart. I open my purse and pull out one of two cotton hankies, given to me long ago by my own grandmother. They're plain white with a delicately monogrammed CF in one corner, I gently dab under his eyes as his hand comes up to join mine, carefully taking the white cloth and pocketing it as he kisses me sweetly and whispers "Thank you".

* * *

"There were years when I was young, when, if you'd asked me who my best friend was, I'd have told you Granny." Jace begins and the crowd offers an amused chuckle. "Its true," he continues laughing with them, "she was a commanding presence in my life, always there and always looking out for me. So in these last few days, as I've mulled over these very remarks, I've had an incredibly difficult time trying to find the words to say goodbye." He pauses, casting his gaze to the casket before the altar. "I spent an inordinate amount of time thinking about all the things about her that I'd miss when I started to realize two things. One is how fortunate I've been to have her in my corner as long as I have. As I've gotten older I've come the realize how special and wonderful she was through more mature eyes. I've learned to appreciate how the challenges in her life not only shaped who she was, but also who we are. And then I realized she's not gone, not really."

" She didn't have an easy life, she was certainly dealt more than her fair share of hardship, but she never let it best her. She had a strength of character that I see every day when I look at my sisters. An appetite for adventure that lives on in Tessa. An uncanny optimism and love of life that she gave to Maia. The quiet confidence of a creative mind that can solve any problem that I can only hope was also passed down from my father to me. She was the matriarch of our family, ruling with an iron fist and a tender heart. She never let a sibling dispute go unresolved, nor would she accept a half-hearted effort in our various pursuits, always supporting and inspiring each of us to aspire to greatness. And in my mother I see a worthy successor." He pauses, looking done at the lectern and breathing through his emotions and there's not a dry eye in the house. He slowly looks up, his eyes searching for mine before continuing."I realized, in sharing a multitude of Imogen stories with someone dear to me, that while she may be gone I still see her everywhere because she left her mark on us, not only her family, but on everyone she met, we are her legacy and with each of us she lives on. So it seems that I don't have to live without all those things I wasn't prepared to let go of. So in that spirit I want to share with you the words she lived by, a blessing that always had a place of honor in her home carried with her from her native Ireland.

May your mornings bring joy and your evenings bring peace.

May your troubles grow few as your blessings increase.

May the saddest day of your future

Be no worse than the happiest day of your past.

May your hands be forever clasped in friendship

And your hearts joined forever in love.

Your lives are very special,

God has touched you in many ways.

May his blessings rest upon you

And fill all your coming days

Thank you all very much for being here with us today and sharing in her memory."

As Jace descends the altar his father stands wrapping him in a hug, from my seat in the row behind the family I can see that they are both crying as Stephen whispers and Jace nods his head, tightening his arms. Shortly they take their seats, Jace right in front of me and I see him looking over the speech one last time before carefully folding it and stowing in his pocket and pulling out my handkerchief and tracing the monogram before wiping his eyes. I quietly lean forward, putting a hand on his back and sliding it up onto his shoulder and whispering.

"That was perfect"


	9. Chapter 9

**Now**

_147 Minutes with Jace and Clary Herondale. _

_by: Eileen MacKenzie_

_As a journalist I've crossed paths with Jace Herondale on numerous occasions and never really managed to get a handle on who he was. He's long had a reputation of being a tough nut to crack, rarely willing to talk about anything other than his most recent projects and remaining stoically tightlipped about anything even vaguely personal. I've certainly experienced this first hand having interviewed Jace Herondale before and was sure I knew what to expect. So imagine my surprise when a jovial gentleman and his lovely wife sit down at the table across from me, apologizing profusely for being late._

_It's a dreary day in London, where the weather gods can't seems to choose between rain and snow, "a Wintery Mix is what we'd call it back home" offers Clary "traffic was a nightmare because of it" Jace adds. By back home Clary means the suburbs of Boston, Massachusetts, where she was born and raised, the eldest of four. As we share tea and scones. Clary shares stories of growing up in idyllic New England, never expecting to find herself living and raising her family in merry Old England. She landed in England more or less by chance when, six months pregnant, she and Jace were here visiting his family, a last trip before the birth of their first child. An unexpected complication with the pregnancy, however, prevented her from making the return trip. "It all worked out though, we've built ourselves a pretty good life" she says with a smile, turning to Jace and casually kissing him. The life they've built does sound pretty good. Clary, an art historian, modestly tells me that she's a researcher, spending most of her time and energy researching Provenance, the paper trail of any given historical object. Clary goes by her maiden name professionally, "not for any specific reason, I started my career with that name and published a few papers under that name, it's my professional identity."_

_She started her career in Boston, but upon landing here made a name for herself working with Christie's and the National Gallery on Restitution cases. Jace refers to her as an Art Detective and, as it turns out, she's become a leading expert in identifying and recovering stolen art. Now she's an independent consultant preferring to be able to set her own schedule and select her own cases. "I got into recovery and restitution in grad school when I became obsessed with the Gardner case." The Isabella Stewart Gardner museum in Boston is perhaps most famous for being robbed in that late 80s. "I wrote my thesis on stolen art and recovery and, as one of the more famous thefts in the US, I spent a lot of time with that case." To date none of that art has been recovered, but Clary is hopeful as she is with much of the missing art throughout the world. "The thing about stolen art is that while some of it turns up on the black market more of it crops up completely by accident, people who just don't even know what they have, because its been passed down or inherited as part of an estate. For all we know there's a missing Rembrandt on someone's living room wall, we just need somebody to recognize it for what it is and alert authorities."_

_Clary is a warm and charming woman and talks animatedly about what she does but she admits that she probably makes it sound more exciting than it is. "It's a lot more reading and research than sleuthing around warehouses and caves." As I said before she's modest, they both are when it comes to their mutual achievements. I found out later, with a little sleuthing of my own that Clary is responsible for finding and identifying a Picasso long thought destroyed by the Nazis during World War II. With that she also managed the recovery of some two dozen other artworks also thought previously lost and that was only one case. "That was a lot of luck" she told me humbly when we spoke later via phone. According to her husband it was the product of "a lot of serious research, long days and hard work". But her modesty is not false, she does her job because she believes in our cultural heritage, "these objects belong to the world and in many cases they're hidden away, thats just not right." Consequently she's become a preeminent voice in the field, so make no mistake, Clary is far more than simply Mrs. Jace Herondale._

_Once we've finished our tea and snacks Jace asks if I'd like him to show me around the village. I readily accept the invitation. When I agreed to this interview I'd expected we'd meet up in London, instead we've meet in a small town about 45 minutes outside, by their request, because, this the town he grew up in and he says, "it's easier to find an experienced babysitter." What is most interesting, though, as we wander through the sleepy village, is that everyone knows him, and not because he's Jace Herondale, they know him as fixture in this community and they know Clary too. When he said they were never a secret it's clear that in many aspects of their lives they weren't. The people we meet on the sidewalks and in the shops send regards, ask after their 3 year old ("oh she's very good, looking forward to the new baby") ask how Clary's feeling ("good and ready, not too much longer now") and offer updates of their own. "I've known many of these people all my life so I don't think they see me as anything other that Celine and Stephen's son. But I also suspect that they have better thing to do with their time." He shares stories about his youth. Misspent holidays as a child running down to these very shops with a pound or two from his granny to buy a sweet treat. "Really, I was never all that interested in the fame." He explains, "I love acting and I enjoy entertaining people. But I've always viewed it as the job I do, not who I am." So who is he? He's a son and brother, husband and father. All roles he takes very seriously, taking care to point out that while he is all of those things, he offers that list in no particular order. And it's that view of himself that has driven him to be intensely private. "My family and friends needn't have their lives disrupted simply because I've been in a few movies." Clary laughs next to him, her hand on his elbow "well I knew what I was signing on for." "I suppose you did." He says, looking at his wife, his eyes light up and he smiles back at her before kissing her lightly. I'd been expecting surly, but on this dreary Thursday as the three of us stroll through town, I am treated to a whole new side of him. The Herondales are relaxed and comfortable, they radiate warmth and happiness to the point where I can't decide if I'm jealous or astonished they've found each other. They are soul-mates, the genuine article and it's hard not to appreciate their connection._

_As we continue to explore the village, we chat companionably as he and Clary recount the story of how they met and what prompted the leap from friends to lovers. They share funny stories of misdirecting fans that stopped them on the street, Jace demonstrating his repertoire of regional American accents. When I ask how often he was recognized he tells me not that often. "The thing if it is, while he's always Jace, on a late night trip to pick up diapers or even a lazy Sunday going to get coffee, with bed head and stubble, he looks just different enough and the situation is just incongruous enough for people to accept that maybe it wasn't him." Clary offers looking up at him flicking the brim of a well worn ball cap, emblazoned with a red 'B'. Truth be told I had a hard time picturing Jace Herondale making a late night trip to Boots for nappies and I say so. "Oh I assure you it's happened, and for more than just nappies, baby aspirin, anbesol, ice cream." He offers with a laugh "when you've got a wife and baby you find yourself very grateful for 24 hour shops." On the subject, I ask about marriage and fatherhood and how they've affected his career. He explains that he doesn't think they have. He's grown up, just as everyone does as they move through life. When one has a wife and child it changes their perspective, he prioritizes things a bit differently,evaluating the choices he's making and how they affect his family life more than he used to. He recognizes how fortunate he is that he can pick and choose things based on subject, location, time commitment, and he is grateful for it. I ask if he's had to pass on anything that because of those limitations and regretted it. "Nothing comes to mind," he answers, with a glance to Clary. "But I suspect that's more because, I don't see anything in my life as a limiting factor, we wholeheartedly support each other in our individual pursuits." He defends._

_Clary offers her opinion as well. "As much as his job is certainly, remarkably demanding, there have been plenty of times when my research has necessitated lengthy trips abroad. And while it may sound mundane at the end of the day we're working parents, working together to make our relationship, our marriage and our family work, and it's not always easy, but it is always worth it." "Except for Hungary." Jace interjects playfully. "It was worth it, lessons were learned." Clary offers._

_I have to ask and they proceed to tell me the tale of Clarys first post-baby business trip, a research trip to Budapest when Eli was just over a year old. Jace had encouraged Clary to go, the subject of the investigation was of great interest and he'd already started working again, he felt guilty and wanted her to know she should do the same. It was the first time Clary'd spent substantial time away since the baby was born. "She didn't trust me." "I trusted you, I was just, I'm her mother. I was worried about everything." Worrying about everything manifested in a multitude of phone calls home to Jace to check-in, offer instructions and activity suggestions. Jace argues that he was absolutely handling everything until day 5. He woke to shrill cries through the baby monitor and found the baby in her bassinet "screaming bloody murder and burning up." He'd never seen her that ill and he panicked, he called Clary, because Clary was always his first call, and left what must have been a distressing message before calling his mother and the doctor. With no answer from the doctor his mum talked him through how to lower a fever and drove down immediately to help. Clary admits that if roles were reversed she mostly likely would have made the same calls in the same order. When Jace's mum arrived she decided, erring on the side of caution, that they should go to the ER. But no one thought to call Clary. "I heard the message and came home. When I found the house empty and no one answering phones I started calling friends and then hospitals. They walked through the door perhaps 20 after I did." Jace and his mum arrived home halfway through the following day, Eli far better and everything under control, to find Clary beside herself in the living room. "As soon as I saw her I remembered leaving that message and felt instantly awful, I hastily explained what had happened and that everything was alright and as as soon as she was satisfied with the explanation she started screaming like a banshee." "I was livid and tired and hormonal. Not a my best, I picked a huge fight with him which ended in tears and apologies on both sides." What did they learn? Clary learned that Jace was infinitely capable of taking care of the baby and Jace learn not to push so hard. The reason they make such a good team is because they've always trusted each other and they're always honest with one another. Also, every new parent panics, they weren't the first nor will they be the last, but next time answer the phone. _

_So what's next for Britain's newly discovered power couple? With baby two due in about a month they're keeping tightlipped about their plans for the next year, but do reveal that we likely won't see much of them over the next several months. It's easy to see that they are both looking forward to taking a step back out of the limelight. Neither Jace nor Clary have big projects on the books in the near future, but stop short of offering more specifics. When their daughter was born they both took more time than they'd planned, but attribute that to the newness of London. "I felt responsible for stranding Clary here." Jace explains, if they'd still been in Boston, things my have evolved differently, owing mostly to the fact that her support system was in place. But, he is also quick to point out that, life with the new baby while chaotic and erratic was also quite peaceful and pleasurable in its own way and because of that he was in no rush to march back into the fray._

_We've circled the square and come back to the tea shop in which we started. Clary observes that it's getting late and I take the cue and thank them for their time, their openness and a lovely afternoon. "Nonsense, thank you for coming to us. It's fun to reminisce and recount our stories, it was our pleasure. And if you need anything else, don't hesitate to call." Clary says as she pulls me into a hug, mildly awkward at first because of her protruding belly, but as she wraps her arms around me there's a feeling of familiarity, friendship, as she bids me safe travels back to London. _

"Well that wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be." I say, putting down the iPad and leaning back in a fairly uncomfortable chair in our doctor's waiting room. "We're a power couple." I add raising eyebrows in Jaces direction.

"Apparently, not bad at all for our first interview," Jace responds, "she liked you." he says with a teasing smile.

"You were worried? Thanks a lot." I say giving him a playful shove.

"Not at all. People adore you." he observes rubbing his shoulder for effect. "After the speculation surrounding you I was concerned about people being catty, were you not?"

I certainly was, people find it easy to be overly critical and cruel in anonymous comment sections and every entertainment news outlet here and abroad has an active comments section. If Alison was right, and I did need to get out there and introduce myself to people, to quiet the vitriol, this short interview feels like a good first step. "When does it go to print?" I ask Jace.

"If we approve it today it'll run in next weeks issue, otherwise it'll run two weeks from now. What are you thinking?"

"I think that's fast work." We only gave that interview late last week, but now we're 3 weeks into our attempt at being media friendly. Complete with planned outing and photo ops, it's been incredibly exhausting and as I sit here in the doctor's waiting room skimming the interview again on Jace's iPad I feel the fatigue creep into my bones and begin to settle.

"What is it?" Jace asks. "What are you thinking."

"Oh, nothing really, I'm just tired." I say smiling, as I turn the iPad off and rest my head on his shoulder.

Just then the doctor enters the waiting room. We're always her first appointment of the day in an effort to maintain our privacy, she ran late today and apologizes as she gestures us into the exam room. She closes the door to give us our privacy while I change and Jace helps me up onto the examination table before opening the door and telling the doctor we're ready. He comes back sitting carefully on the stool to my left grasping my hand and kissing my forehead.

"Not too much longer now," The doctors says as she joins us at the table, "how are you feeling?"

"Good, tired mostly." I say

"You two have been busy." She says as she continues with her exam the three of us chatting companionably and she asks further questions about sleep patterns and stress level.

I answer honestly that the stress level has seemed manageable enough, but I don't remember being this tired when I was pregnant with Eli. Though I suspected that my general tiredness had something to do with her, I can't imagine anything more exhausting than chasing after a 3 year old, 8 months pregnant. The doctor laughs at that, she's known Eli since the day she was born and has experience the energy first hand on numerous occasions at these very appointments. She checks my blood pressure, looking quizzically at the gauge before untying my gown and exposing my hugely swollen belly. As if on cue the baby kicks sharply, the outline of a foot appearing three inches to the left of my protruding navel. Out of the corner of my eye I see Jace crack a smile before covering the spot with his large palm, hoping for another kick, he feels the next one and his smile broadens, eyes alight with wonder. As the doctor lowers her hands to my belly, Jace removes his, she palpates, assessing the baby's position before the starting the ultrasound.

"Strong heartbeat, good position, won't be long now, still sure you don't want to know the gender?" The doctor says as all three of us look at the screen.

I look at Jace, "it's your choice my love," I say squeezing his hand.

His gaze shifts to me and he smiles, kissing my hand . "I don't need to be told, it's a girl," he said with certainty "don't you feel that too?"

I did, strongly, that's why I wasn't all that interested in being told. But I had no idea that he too felt it. "Is he right?" I said looking at the doctor. "Is it a girl?"

"She is indeed," the doctor said with a smile. "Eli's getting a little sister."

**Then**

I study the clock as the minute hand finally ticks past 4 o'clock. This afternoon has passed at a glacial pace, as has become the trend over the last 2 weeks. I try to refocus, get something done in the next hour, but I know it's futile, all I can think about is that in a few hours Jace will be here. We saw each other last weekend, But after returning from England and Imogen's funeral, we were both thoroughly drained. That week Jace dove back into work, but according to Alison was difficult to work with. Owing to general irritability and exhaustion he had a short fuse and I could hear it, everyday when we talked, the rawness in his voice was plain, he wasn't sleeping which resulted in a lousy mood and a lack of focus. He was playing catch up which meant long days and no hope of going anywhere that weekend, so we made plans for him to come to Boston this weekend. After talking to him Friday night, hearing the loneliness and heartache in his voice I was unwilling to wait seven more days to see him and decided to jump in the car and take the Ferry to Port Jeff on Saturday morning. What I arrived to wasn't quite what I'd expected, Jace still sad, exhausted and distracted, struggling to get through filming. I talked my way onto the set with help from Alison, in hopes of surprising him and not interfering. He saw me almost immediately, walking off set and into my arms, burying his face in my hair and lifting me off my feet, "you're here" he whispered through a sigh. He turned and told the director he needed a break and grabbed my hand, leading me to his trailer. As we walked away I heard the director yell "15 minutes" to which Jace responded, surprisingly, with a rude hand gesture over his head. Once we were alone, safely ensconced in the privacy of his trailer he drew me into his arms again, fixing his lips to mine and kissing me deeply. His large hands gripping my waist tightly as he leans into me, my hands move to his neck, thumb skimming his jawline fingers tangling in his hair, holding him close as I lean into the wall. "You're here" he whispers again into my mouth. His lips slow and I start to pull away. "I'm here." I assure him as he pulls me in again hugging me tightly, breathing me in. I question whether or not it was right to come telling him I didn't want to cause trouble or provide a distraction. He assures me I'm not a distraction, how happy he is to see me and after a moment I feel the tension in his shoulders start to dissipate.

"I'm exhausted." He says with a sigh, forehead against mine and his body still leaning into me.

I ask how much more he's got today, it's going on four o'clock and as if on cue there's a rap on the door and a curt voice telling him 15 minutes are up. Jace angrily shouts for the speaker to "bugger off" with a growl. Faced with this uncharacteristic rudeness twice in fifteen minutes I call him on it, questioning if this is always how he acts at work, which seems to me surprisingly unprofessional. He defends and then apologizes to me and we talk a bit longer before a second impatient knock causes Jace to give in. He tells me I can come back to set or stay in his trailer, he'll have dinner break in a few hours and he can come find me then. I decide to wander back to set with him, not wanting to let him go just yet. I watch, as his makeup and hair is fixed and stay to observe two scenes being shot. Satisfied that he has apologized and is behaving, I excuse myself and wander back to his trailer to take a nap and call Isabelle.

We talk for a but and I ask her about his seemingly short temper and the lack of professionalism he displayed. She offers some insight and tells me to tell him to she said to "stop being an infant". I can't help but laugh and our conversation turns to lighter fare, the upcoming holidays and such. After we talk I start to relax, comfortable being in Jace's space, surrounded by his clothes and his scent, I don't realize I've fallen asleep until I feel the gentle brush of fingertips along my temple. My eyes flutter open to find Jace kneeling on the floor next to the sofa. "Hi"

"Hi," He parroted, still stroking my hair and leaning in for a kiss. "You hungry?" My stomach grumbles in response and I feel my cheeks flush. "Come with me" he says, taking my hand and pulling me towards a mountain of delicious smelling Italian food, arranged picnic style on the floor. He has a two-hour dinner break while the crew sets up for the nighttime scenes they're supposed to shoot. We dive into dinner and talk about a lot about his week, how hard it's been getting back into the swing of things after dealing with everything at home in England, not to mention the jet lag. We move on to lighter topics, I ask about the film and the scenes I watched him shoot and as we eat some of his tension melts away and he seems to be in better spirits, but still tired. We finished dinner and then he took me for a walk around the set, I saw a few familiar faces first weekend in New York and we say hello before Jce needs to report to hair and makeup and I settle into watch the big climax of the film, an angry confrontation on a severe looking winter beach. It's interesting to watch the intensity of the scene and the intensity that Jace brings to it. I can't help but wonder if its acting or Jace channeling the rage and anger he's dealt with all week, perhaps they're the same and that is what makes him so good.

Sooner than I'd have expected Jace is finally done, as he walks off set I can't help but think he looks like a walking corpse, dark, heavy lidded eyes and sagging shoulders. We go back to the rented house he was staying in and immediately head for bed. Helping each other undress before crawling under the covers as he wraps his arms around my body pulling me close before drifting off to a dreamless sleep. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind I recognized that I this level of attachment was dangerous, but before I could dwell on that thought I drifted off too.

We woke on Sunday well into the afternoon and he told me he hadn't slept that well since England and in truth I too felt better than I had all week. We stayed in bed, cuddling, while I told me him about my week, confessing that I spent much of it worrying about him. We talk more about the range of his emotions and how his family is doing and eventually I relayed Isabelle's message and the mood lightened and we decided it was time to find some breakfast or lunch. Too soon it was time for me to go, and while I was sad I couldn't stay an extra night, I felt good about making him feel better and looked forward to this weekend.

The clock is finally closing in on 5 and I decide its time to leave, one last check of the calendar for Monday before I shut down my computer and head out for the day. Jace is scheduled to arrive sometime after 6 and as I ride the elevator down I text him to make sure he wasn't held up.

Jace: Not at all. See you soon

I smile to myself as I push through the door to my building. I turn right to head towards home and I can hardly believe my eyes. Blinking, I look again to see Jace standing just feet away from me casually leaning against the building and before I think I am jumping into his arms and kissing him fiercely, in the middle of a Boylston St sidewalk.

We head back to my place, and I take Bea for a long walk around the neighborhood while Jace takes a shower. We return and as I shrug out of my coat and hang Bea's leash up the bathroom door opens and Jace steps out towel slung around his waist in a puff of steam. Somehow, while he looks like Poseidon emerging from the mist, he still doesn't looks out of place and I can't help but appreciate the sight, he catches me staring and I feel my cheeks flush as he comes towards me, presumably headed for the bedroom and his suitcase. I put my hand on his firm stomach as he moves to pass me, stopping his motion. Feeling the residual damp warmth from the hot shower as I tilt my head, capturing his lips, I put my arm around his neck, pulling him into me as I feel one arm snake around my waist as the other finds the wall next to my head trapping me there. I feel my body respond to him, a dull ache deep inside me, I want Jace, no I need him. I've thought about this since London, part of me thought we'd have gotten here last week but then of course, the timing was all wrong. My hand drifts from his stomach lower, finding the folded and tucked top of his damp towel and I feel a faint shiver run through his body at my touch. I carefully pull back from our kiss and look into his eyes, asking permission.

"I'm so happy you're here." I whisper.

The edge of his mouth quirks an encouraging smile "I've missed you" he responds as he leans into to kiss me again.

I feel his tongue fight its way past my lips, his mouth intent on devouring mine as I tug the edge of his towel free, letting it fall to the floor. My hand follows the line of his hipbone around his back coming to rest on his firm ass, I squeeze gently, and his hips rock into me, even through my clothes I can feel his nakedness, his excitement. His mouth moves away from mine, following my jawline as his hands move to the hem of my shirt and under it I feel his warm hands on the soft skin of my stomach as he whispers "are you sure?" Before his head dips and I feel his lips on my neck.

_I've never been more sure_, I think to myself as I stifle a moan. "Oh, god yes." I say aloud. "I want you."

"Then you are wearing entirely too much clothing." He whispers, and I feel him smile against my shoulder, nibbling at my ear briefly before lifting my shirt up over my head and discarding it on top of his towel.

By the time we get to the bedroom I've shed my shoes and shimmied out of my pencil skirt, in my bra and panties I'm still more clothed than him, a condition he is eager to remedy. We peel away from each other enough for me to climb onto the bed, kneeling at the edge it's the first chance I've had to take him in, standing before me totally exposed. He's beautiful and though it's a brief look, it's enough for my breath to hitch and nervousness to creep in but it doesn't have a chance to take hold, Jace's hands move to my midsection gently squeezing to soft flesh below my ribs. "God, you're beautiful." He says quietly, as though it's a thought I wasn't even meant to hear. He smiles and I can see desire in the depths of his eyes as he steps towards me softly kissing my lips and his hands move up my back, relieving me of my bra. We collapse back onto the bed and I revel in the new sensations of closeness, the downy hair on his chest tickling my breasts, the firm plains of his stomach against the softer plains of mine, his hands traveling down my legs and between them. My hands roams as well, exploring all that had yet to be explored, I feel him gasp and shudder slightly as my hands find the softest, most sensitive parts of him as he quietly murmurs my name.

As his hand continue its ministrations between my legs his mouth starts to make is way down my neck, fastening itself to my breast. I let out a small yelp and arch into him as his teeth find my nipple, the sensations are overwhelming and I writhe under him, wanting more, wanting him.

"Oh, god Jace" I chant as he continues his path down, planting soft kisses across my stomach as he gingerly removes my underwear, kisses following the ridge of my hipbone until he replaces the hand between my legs with his mouth. I hadn't expected this and it elicits a cry surprise as my hips buck slightly, my body involuntarily trying to get closer to the source of pleasure. I feel Jace's hand run up my leg, past my knee and down my thigh before gently pressing on my lower abdomen. All at once I feel myself stumble over the edge, Jace's arm coming to rest across my hips just as the waves of my orgasm crash over me, his name still on my lips.

Soon I feel his lips tracing their path back up my quivering body and I feel his, damp from exertion. My hands tangle in his hair, his mouth is on my neck, sucking and biting and driving me crazy and I want him again, even more, I want all of him. I move my head to kiss him to find his lips and kiss him deeply, tasting myself on his tongue. I feel his knees move to spread my legs as my hand dips between his legs, he gasps into my mouth as I guide him to me, in one motion we are connected and the sensation of wholeness washes over me. He tilts his head back and looks at me, reverence in his eyes as his hips rock back and thrust forward. The pleasure is excruciating as my body moves with his, finding our rhythm, cascading towards our mutual undoing. Words escape my lips and I don't even know what I'm saying, delirious with joy and love and lust and I realize I've never felt like this before. We are a perfect fit and with this thought that I hear myself whisper "harder". Jace obliges and I let out a quiet scream of absolute pleasure as my leg hitches around his hip pulling him closer, driving him deeper. I feel his hand drag down my body, skimming my ass, coming to rest gripping my thigh, I feel my back arch and my other leg wraps around his waist. "Uhhh" a cry rises in my throat as we tumble towards ecstasy.

Afterwards we lay together enjoying the stillness and the afterglow, still tangled and connected, breathing heavy and exhausted. I marvel at the weight of him on top of me, the pleasant heft of his liquid limbs and I wish we could stay this way forever, I think as a lazily trace the contours of his back. Jace buries his head in the crook of my neck, he inhales deeply as he nibbles on the soft flesh there. I giggle, moving my hands to his head, feeling his soft blonde hair slip through my fingers as nibbling turns to a kiss and I feel his lips form a smile. He lifts his head to kiss my lips, shifting his body to roll onto his back taking me with him. I sigh audibly at the loss of connection but happily snuggling into his side, my head on his shoulder and hand now tracing the contours of his stomach. We stay that way, whispering quietly, laughing, kissing and cuddling until I feel his breathing slow and I think he's asleep. I move my hand up, settling it into the hollow of his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat. "I love you." I whisper as I start to give into sleep.

"I love you" Jace whispers back, kissing my head and placing his hand over my own, twineing our fingers together.

I wake sometime later feeling Jace shift under me. My only thought is that I don't want him to leave this bed.

"Where are you going." I whisper, eyes still closed, hand on his stomach refusing to let go.

"Nowhere," He says and I can hear the smile in his voice as he leans down to kiss me, lazily, "I'll be right back." he says as he slips out of bed.

He returns a few minutes later with a bottle of water and my cell phone.

"I'm starving," He says with a sheepish smile.

"I have food, we can make something." I offer sleepily, sitting up in the bed, gathering the sheet around me.

"Mmhmm, we can order." He informs me. "I'm not about to let you out of this bed." he says with a cat like smile as he advances on me.

I rise to my knees to meet him, as he sits back on his knees. I lean into him, grabbing his head and pulling him in to kiss me as I crawl onto his lap, moving my sheet out of the way to feel his skin against mine. "Mmm," I hum "I like that plan." I whisper as I sink down onto him, connecting us again.

I wake on Saturday tangled in Jace and the sheets. He's still asleep and I lay there and watch him for a long time, my fingers teasing his chest hair feeling the gentle rise and fall of his breathing, a faint smile playing across his lips. Too soon I hear the tinkling of Bea's dog tags as she realizes I am awake. I look at the clock and see it well after 10, I can't believe we've slept this late, but then again, I have no idea what time we actually went to sleep. There was pizza at one point, Jace had nobly insisted on meeting the delivery boy on the landing, suggesting it was indecent of me to leave the apartment in nothing but his discarded shirt, and unwilling to see me don more clothes than that. I let him have his way, while I listened in wondering if he'd be recognized, he was, but quickly affected a New England accent not unlike my own to throw the pizza guy off his scent. I couldn't help but giggle as he came back upstairs, which turned into full-fledged laughter when I saw he'd already started in on the pizza. We ate and drank an inexpensive bottle of Chianti while pretending to watch a movie. I couldn't tell you what happened in whatever movie was on because once we'd had our fill of pizza we made out like teenagers until Jace, gripping my ass as my legs wrapped tightly around his waist, stood up from the couch and carried me back to the bedroom.

I can't help but smile at the memory of last night, I am pleasantly sore in all the right places and part of me wants to crawl on top of him right now and find interesting ways to wake him up. But instead I decide that it's time for me to get up. I carefully extract myself, leave Jace to sleep as I slip back into his discarded shirt and pad to the kitchen to start coffee before donning my overcoat and taking Bea for a walk. I return to find Jace, clad in his boxers, in the kitchen, mixing two cups of coffee.

"Good morning." I say as I come up behind him, wrapping my arms around his midsection and laying my cheek between his shoulder blades.

"Good morning, in fact," he pauses removing my hands so that he can spin to face me, his hands coming to rest on my neck. "Perfectly, wonderful morning if you ask me." he says before bending to kiss me gently. I feel him smile into my lips before he pulls away. "Breakfast?"

We make breakfast and talk about all the things we didn't talk about last night, our usual Friday night recap of our weeks. Last week was far better than the week before and filming is back on track to be finished before the holidays. He'd been nervous they wouldn't and given everything that his family has been dealing with he thinks that this year it's important that they are all together. It's a tricky topic, I can tell by his intonation that he is worried about how Imogen's death will affect everything. I offer my thoughts, traditions carry on, this year will be hard, but there will be comfort in carrying on her family traditions. On the topic of holidays and their traditions he asks about some of mine and we share stories of our families different holiday traditions. Up to now, we haven't discussed any holiday plans and at the mention of them Jace asks me to join him to London for New Year's. I can't say I was expecting an invitation to London but somewhere inside me I knew we'd be together on New Year's and I readily agree to join him, any opportunity to spend more time with him. Even now sitting on the couch drinking coffee there's an unconscious need for closeness. I savor it as we sit there, enjoying a lazy Saturday morning, me still in his shirt sitting on the couch with my legs draped across his lap and his strong hands massaging my calves.

As I finish my third cup of coffee I move to get up, it's time to get on with the day, my brother a sister Emma are coming over for dinner tonight and I've promised them lasagna.

"Hey, where are you going?" he asks, pulling the tail of the shirt I am wearing.

"I've promised Johnny and Em sauce and lasagna." I say, leaning down to kiss him. "If I don't get it started now we won't eat till ten o'clock tonight."

"Can I help?" He asks

"Of course." I say grabbing his hand and pulling him off the couch.

He helps me get tomato sauce and meatballs cooking, Jace is an excellent sous chef, as we cook he's interested in every step, following my lead and taking direction well. He asks what to expect from Johnny and Emma and I mostly explain why I want them to meet him, the three of us our close and they've expressed concern over my elusiveness when I talk about him. I explain that I'm ready to start sharing him with a few important people assuming if its ok with him.

"Of course, it is Clary. You've met my family, I look forward to meeting yours." He says sweetly offering me a kiss.

The sauce well in hand and with hours to go simmering away I tell him I'm going to take a shower and ask him if he wants to join me. Without hesitation he slowly starts to unbutton my half buttoned shirt. He pushes it off my shoulders and I let it fall to the floor before wrapping my arms around his neck and and my legs around his waist and kissing him as he carries me to the bathroom.

After another part of the day blissfully spent in Jace's arms and we still managed to make the lasagna, buy wine, flowers and bread, all in all, a well used day. I've sent Jace out to walk Bea as I turn the lasagna, ensuring it cooks evenly, cut the broccolli and finish putting on my make up. I check my watch as I pull down dishes to set the table, it's just after 6, I told them to come around 7 and knowing they're meeting the new man, I wouldn't be surprised if they showed up on the early side of 7. Shortly, I hear keys in the door, Jace is back. "Hey baby. How'd you do?" I shout from the kitchen. I feel him come up behind me and set his hand on waist, offering a gentle squeeze.

"Great," he replies, kissing the back of my head as I fold the last napkin, setting the fork on it. "how are you doing up here? What can I do?"

"Nothing," I say twisting in his arms. He pulls me to him, tightening his arm around my waist as I put my arms around his neck. "We are good to go." I finish kissing him lightly, just as I hear my bell. I pull back hands by his ears and rest my forehead on his. "That'll be them. Brace yourself." I say with a smile heading for the door. "And open some wine."

I quickstep down the stairs and take a deep breathe before I open the door to Johnny and Emma. "You guys are early, you know."

"Of course we are, you know Johnny was hoping to catch you in a compromising position." Emma offers.

"I've avoided that for 24 years, what makes you think I'm gonna start letting you catch me now.' I say moving to hug Johnny and let him up the steps.

"I'd expected to hit more game traffic, we can go get a bottle of wine if you're not ready for us." Johnny whispers into my ear.

"You're fine." I whisper back. "Head up, he;s in the kitchen, be nice." as I turn to hug Emma.

"Someone looks freshly plucked. Good night sis?" Emma offers, wagging her eyebrows suggestively.

"Stop being an infant," I say, co-opting Izzy's line "Not that it's your business, but oh yea." I say humoring her as I lead her up the steps.

As we open the door I hear that Jace and Johnny have already met and smile a bit at the thought. Emma, hot on my heels, rounds the corner before stopping dead as she sees Jace handing Johnny a beer.

"You must be Emma," Jace says, noticing us, "I'm Jace, it's great to finally meet you, Clarry talks a lot about you." he finishes his introduction, hold out his hand.

Emma looks stunned and I can't help but giggle, just a little, at her speechlessness. After a moment she finds her words…"Holy shit."

_**Sorry this one took so long. I'll blame it on that lazy vacation haze and wanting to get this one right. **_

**_Hope I did. Let me know._**


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